The Five Year Plan
by WannaBeBabe
Summary: Having a relationship with Stephanie Plum requires a man wise enough to anticipate her actions, strong enough to survive her temper, and lucky enough to employ enough men to help. This is a series of five short stories, each told on the same day each year, for five years. Babe Halloween comedy.
1. Year 1

** **Author's notes...This is a super silly story that was in my head. Don't expect anything deep or serious with this, it's just for fun. Mature Rating for bad language, adult situations, sexual content, and some smut in later chapters.** **My disclaimer, none of the characters belong to me, I just borrow them from JE and dress them up and make them do ridiculous things, or in Ranger's case undress him and make him do naughty things. So hope you enjoy, review, and let me know your thoughts. Thanks.****

Halloween evening

Stephanie Plum was sitting on her kitchen counter watching Rex chewing on his carrot slice. She wondered what it would be like to live so simply, like her hamster, in his little glass home, spinning on his wheel, sleeping in his can. He had no worries. If only things for her were so easy, if only she had everything she needed provided for her like she did for Rex. She fed him, housed him, and provided him with new cans to hide in. What she did for Rex she did out of love, then she briefly wondered if anyone would ever love her enough to want to take care of her for nothing in return.

She sighed loudly and hopped off the counter wondering what it was she needed out of life anyway. Besides money for rent, food, shoes, and a running car she had no clue what she wanted for her life. She padded across the apartment and flopped onto her bed in her thinking position.

She'd been doing a lot of thinking since the night before. Her sometimes boyfriend Joe Morelli had stopped by with subs. There was nothing unusual about the visit at first. They hadn't seen much of one another for a few weeks, his full case load kept him busy. She knew what it meant to be second to his job, he was a cop on the rise after all, so she wasn't upset by the lack of dates. In all honesty, it had been a nice break from his demands and needs, but she had needs too and it'd been over eight weeks since they'd had sex. So when he stopped last night she began looking forward to the possibility of a social orgasm. She knew if she took a minute to think about their relationship she'd have to come to the realization that they used one another for a convenient fuck once and a while, but the love had been shelved years ago. She didn't like to think about her feelings so she buried them deeply and focused on her raging hormones instead. Unfortunately, that wasn't what was on Joe's mind for once. She sighed again as the conversation repeated through her mind.

"_Cupcake, I wanted to talk to you about something," Joe said somberly._

"_Okay. What's up?" she asked from the opposite end of the couch._

"_You know we've had a non-commitment agreement for a while now. We never really talked about the possibility of dating other people," he started looking a little uncomfortable._

"_Is this about Ranger?" she asked starting to get angry. "Because those dates were a job. You know that." She was sure he was trying to start another fight about the other man in her life, the man she'd pushed aside to give Joe a chance._

"_Uh, no, I, uh, I wanted to make sure we are on the same page with dating other people, because I've been seeing someone." He was staring at the floor so he didn't see the anger flash in her eyes. "I'm going to take her to the Halloween party at Pino's and thought I should warn you before you heard from the grapevine."_

"_How considerate of you, Morelli," she said in a sickly sweet voice. "Who is she?"_

"_Crystal Minetti. We met at the dog park."_

_She raised her eyebrows at him. Crystal was a twenty-two year old Burg girl that washed hair at the Clip and Curl._

"_Common Cupcake, you know I love you, but she's a good girl," he started. _

"_Girl is the right word. You were in high school was she was born, Joe. Don't you find that sick, because I do," she yelled at him. "What the hell could you have in common with a child?"_

"_She's takes care of me and acts like a lady and I don't have to worry about her when she goes to work," he answered back just as loudly._

_She snorted at him as she tried to keep her rhino mode in check. "This is great news, Joe. I've been thinking of 'seeing' other men for some time too."_

_He glared at her, "I bet you have."_

"_Maybe one that can take care of himself, treats me like a lady, and doesn't try to belittle my job every time I go to work," she answered with her own glare. "Especially one that can manage to get me off more than quarterly." _

"_So you're going to go whoring to punish me?"_

"_Punish you? No, for once this has nothing to do with you, Joe. You've made your decision so from now on whatever or whoever I do are none of your concern."_

"_This is about Manoso then? I'm sure he'd be happy to service you."_

"_Get out!"_

_His face turned red at that, but he stood and stomped to the door. "You know this is your fault. If you'd give up the job and stay home I'd marry you, but no, you have to run around trying to prove how tough you are to HIM. He'll never want you like I do, but you can't see it. It's pathetic the way you chase after a man that doesn't want you, Steph, everyone thinks so. You'll never be more than a quick fuck to him."_

"_Fuck off, Morelli, you don't know shit."_

_He shook his head and walked out the door._

Stephanie slapped her hand over her ears trying to cover the sound of the phone ringing. It was driving her crazy. She grabbed the phone and screamed, "What?"

"Christ, Steph," Mary Lou laughed into the phone. "So you've heard about Morelli carting around that little tramp from the Clip and Curl? They have matching costumes."

"So that asshole's been planning this for a while," she hissed.

"What do you want to do about it?" Mary Lou laughed then. She had been Steph's best friend since they were babies, she knew that revenge was the only thing on Steph's mind at the moment.

"We need back up and tequila," Steph smiled.

"I'll bring the booze," Mary Lou answered with a giggle. "Should I dress for sabotage?"

"Oh yeah."

Stephanie smiled as she hung up the phone and dialed the bonds office. "Vincent Plum Bail Bonds how may I help you?" Connie answered in a bored voice.

"Hey, it's Steph. I need you and Lula to come over tonight. Mary Lou is on her way with tequila."

"So you heard about Morelli?"

"Is that white girl?" Lula shouted and took the phone. "What we doin' bout Super Cop putting it to that little girl?"

Stephanie laughed. "We're having a girl's night out. Wear black, we may need to blend."

"Like a catsuit?" Lula asked.

Stephanie rolled her eyes picturing Lula's black outfit. "No, something that'll blend, think Ranger." They hung up and Stephanie smiled to herself wondering what the Lula version of Ranger would look like.

Ranger Manoso, fellow bounty hunter and security specialist, was her mentor, partner, sometimes boss, friend, lover, and savior. He was tall, built like a god covered in mocha latte skin, with silky dark hair, and brown fuck-me eyes. He often wears black clothing and travels in a variety of expensive black cars. He moves through the night without sound, going undetected by the scum of the city that he's hunting. That was why she called him Batman.

She'd been tempted to call him for the last two weeks. It seemed like too long to go without talking to him, but she couldn't come up with a good excuse to bug him. 'I just wanted to hear your voice' wasn't a good enough reason to interrupt him while he was saving the world, was it? It'd probably be wrong to just drop in for a Ranger induced orgasm too, especially since she wanted so much more. She was crazy, mad in love with him and Joe was probably right, Ranger would never want more than sex, hell he'd said as much.

She didn't know how long she'd spent day dreaming about her Batman, but she was suddenly interrupted by knocking on the door. She checked the peep hole and found her sister Val standing there. She opened the door and Val burst in with chocolate cake and Kahlua. She was wearing a black cotton leotard under leggings with a tail and ears, PTA Catwoman.

"What's up, Val?"

"I heard about that asshole Morelli cheating with that young girl. I brought supplies," Val declared.

"Alright." Steph watched as she poured the booze in beer mugs over ice and cut two giant slices of cake. She was kind of worried about Val. Her first husband had run off with their much younger babysitter. "I thought you were taking the kids trick or treating tonight."

"Albert's taking them. We need a girl's night." Stephanie couldn't help but laugh at the idea of her bumbling brother-in-law taking four kids trick or treating by himself, but her sister's second husband was a good man. He was kind and sweet to her and he loved Val completely.

Steph shrugged at her sister, "Alright, girl's night it is. Mary Lou, Connie, and Lula are headed over too." The sisters stood at the counter eating their cake and sipping their drinks, both lost in thought about how the men of their pasts were nothing better than cheating assholes. At least Valerie had found a good guy her second time around. Steph wondered if she'd ever be as lucky as Val, to find someone that worshipped her and their relationship. Steph was finally brought out of it by the knocking on the door.

"We brought supplies too," Connie said holding up a brown bag. Connie looked like a jersey girl in all her glory with her big hair and giant hoop earrings. She was in black skinny jeans and a scoop neck, skin tight, black sweater that hugged her giant chest. The only color she had on her were her red nails, lips, and FMP's.

"Come in and unpack," Val answered, clearly taking over the kitchen. Steph didn't care if she wanted to play hostess, more power to her.

"What the hell? Your sister's wearin' a cat suit. You said no cat suits," Lula grumbled looking at the perfect little blonde swinging her tail around the kitchen.

"I think she just showed up in her costume from the kid's school," Steph answered with a smile. "Besides, you're smokin' hot."

"Damn skippy," Lula grinned back at her. She was wearing black tights with a black mini skirt and a black wrap top that didn't come close to covering her chest, but the best part were the knee high black patent boots that hugged her calves. "Now let's get this party started." She pulled booze out of her own bag and followed the others to the kitchen.

Before the bag was unloaded Mary Lou appeared with tequila and strawberry margarita slush in a full ice cream pail. Stephanie grinned at her oldest friend. She'd remembered to wear running shoes this time with her black pants, tee shirt, and hoodie. "I brought more booze," she said excitedly as she looked over the supplies on the counter.

The women made their first drinks and sat in a circle around the coffee table. "Okay girl, so what we doin' bout Super Cop?" Lula said with a somewhat evil laugh.

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Lester and Hal sat in the RangeMan SUV watching Stephanie's apartment. They were hidden in the back corner of the parking lot covered by shadows so the women didn't notice them as they headed inside the building. As they watched the forth woman go inside they looked at each other. "Not it," Hal shouted.

Lester rolled his eyes at the other man. "Fucker." He didn't want to report in to the boss either, but a girl's night was a hell of a lot better than having to report she was fucking the cop instead. Lester pulled out his phone and punched in speed dial two.

"Report," Ranger's voice called over the phone.

"Got an initial confirmation on her plans for the night," Lester said with a smile.

"And?" Ranger growled getting annoyed at the silence. He wasn't really sure he wanted to know. He kept imagining her in some skimpy little costume wrapped around fucking Morelli. That piece of shit didn't deserve her.

"Looks like she's planning on staying in tonight," Lester smirked, he knew this would drive the boss nuts.

"Explain." Ranger knew his voice was more a growl, but if Lester was holding back information he'd get punished a lot harder than being put on Steph watch next time. It wasn't like he wanted to know the details of her staying in with the other man, but he had to know. It was like a fucking sickness.

"Well, by looks of the supplies going in she plans to have a real good time tonight." Les laughed at that. Hal gave him a look that told him he thought he was nuts to poke the boss.

Ranger's mind was whirling. What kind of supplies did she need to have a good time with Morelli? He didn't want to think about it, he really didn't, but his mind was going a mile a minute and it was heading nowhere good. Fuck, he had to know. "Supplies?"

This got a gleeful laugh out of Lester. "Yeah boss, four women and at least five bottles of booze."

What the fuck? Ranger wasn't expecting that explanation. "Explain."

"First, her sister showed up with what looked like Kahlua, then Connie and Lula come in with brown bags of bottles, and now we just had Mary Lou go in with a bucket of margaritas and an extra bottle of Cuervo."

Ranger listened to the explanation and had a feeling this was the beginning of a long night. "Fuck," he said softly. "A girl's night." This was never a good thing.

"You want us to stay on her, boss?" Lester asked.

"Yeah, I have a feeling they're not planning to stay in. Report if you have movement and stay on her no matter what," he ordered before ending the call. He called the control room next. "Pull up Morelli's tracker."

He'd put a tracker on his truck a while back. He hadn't bothered to check it though, he knew if he saw it at Steph's apartment he'd only be torturing himself. "Looks like he's at Pino's," Binkie reported. "Bombshell's trackers are all at her apartment."

"Let me know if either tracker move." He hung up and looked across the desk at his best friend.

"We need someone to check out Pino's?" Tank asked with a knowing grin. Ranger gave one nod and leaned back in his chair while he listened to Tank call Cal and Woody to stop in for a pizza and check what Morelli was up to. Once he was finished with his call he looked back at Ranger. "They're having a Halloween party at Pino's, so it may take them a bit to get in and out of there." Ranger nodded again. "Problem with Steph?" Ranger lifted an eyebrow at him. "Haven't seen her around much in the last few weeks."

"She didn't call."

"Did you call her?" Tank asked knowingly.

"I didn't have a reason to call her."

"You could have told her you just wanted to hear her voice. Women love that shit," Tank answered with a smile. "Or you could have invited her over for dinner." Ranger knew what was implied there and glared at him.

"I'm not going to instigate a booty call with her." _Again_, he added in his head.

Tank laughed loudly. "Have you told her?"

"What?"

"That you're in love with her."

Ranger's eyes darkened with anger. "Fuck off."

"Come on, RangeMan. What's got you so worried tonight?"

"She's up in her apartment with her sister, Connie, Lula and Mary Lou and half a liquor store. You know how she can't hold her liquor." It went without saying that a group of unruly drunk women were crazy, but knowing the women in that particular group there was the possibility of felonies being committed before the night was over.

Tank answered his phone when Woody called in a report. Tank's face didn't give anything away, but the gentle, "Awe, fuck," he uttered was telling. He hung up and looked at his best friend. "Looks like Morelli's on a date with a little piece dressed as a naughty police officer." He held his phone up to show Ranger the photo Woody had sent him.

Ranger looked at the photo of Morelli dressed in a prisoner jumpsuit with his tongue down the throat of a young woman dressed as a cop, her ass was hanging out from the angle the picture was snapped in. "Young," Tank commented.

Ranger nodded. He wondered if the age of the other woman had something to do with the amount of alcohol Steph was planning to consume. Personally he didn't get it, women closer to his daughter's age than his own did nothing for him besides make him feel old. "I didn't hear about a break up."

Tank shrugged. "You haven't called her."

"You ever going to let that go?"

Tank grinned. "Sure, if you call her now."

"Why? She's busy."

"Feel out her mood. Find out what they're up to," he encouraged.

Ranger felt like giving him one of Steph's eye rolls, but instead he pulled out his phone and hit speed dial one. It rang for a moment before he heard her giggle. "Yo," she answered almost breathlessly.

"Yo, yourself Babe," he said with a smile on his lips.

"Did you need me, Ranger?"

"Always." He grinned bigger imagining her flushed cheeks.

"Oh, um, I meant for a job," she stammered.

Damn, she is so cute. "No. I just wanted to wish you a Happy Halloween. I know how you love it."

There was silence for a second. "Oh, uh, thanks Ranger. Happy Halloween to you too."

Tank was grinning at him and making a motion for him to keep going. Ranger finally gave into the eye roll, making Tank laugh. "Babe, I have a confession. I've missed you the last few weeks. I just wanted to hear your voice." He knew that would drive her crazy.

"Is this _MY _Ranger?" she squeaked out, obviously confused by what he was telling her. He never shared his feelings or said sappy shit like that, but it seemed to be affecting her. Then again, she'd clearly had a few drinks already.

"Yeah, Babe, this is definitely _YOUR_ Ranger," he answered her. Tank laughed at that and Ranger couldn't help but give him the finger. That got a louder laugh from Tank.

"Oh, um, I missed hearing your voice too. I was going to call you a bunch of times, but I figured you were busy with work and I didn't want to bother you since I didn't really need anything, but I thought about calling to say hi, but you're too busy for that, so I just sat here and thought about you a lot," she babbled into the phone. She'd clearly drank at least three drinks to spill her thoughts like that.

Ranger couldn't help the laugh that bubbled out his lips. "I'm never too busy to talk to you. Call me anytime you want."

"Oh," she murmured.

"Babe?"

"Yeah Ranger?"

"I thought about you a lot too."

"Damn," she whispered breathlessly, the sound made his pants feel suddenly a little tight.

"Is that Batman?" Lula shouted in the background. Ranger heard the girls yelling something and then the phone made some strange noises before Lula was yelling in his ear. "Is this Batman?"

"Lula," he answered.

"You heard 'bout that dumb ass Morelli, right? You need to get yo' ass over here and make yo' move. That shit with them is over for good this time. Ain't no goin' back after the shit he pullt."

"Lula, put Steph back on the phone," he said coolly, while inside he was doing his own happy dance.

"You love her, don't you?" Lula persisted.

"Fuckin' A, Lula, now put her on the phone."

She laughed gleefully. "Fuckin' A, Batman."

"Sorry Ranger. Lula's been drinking," Steph muttered into the phone. "Are you working tonight?"

"I am. We have a skip ready to pick up in about an hour."

"Oh, alright, maybe I'll talk to you tomorrow then?" she asked. Ranger could hear the hope in her voice.

"For sure. Have fun tonight, Babe, don't go too crazy," he answered with a smile on his lips.

"I won't, it's just a girl's night. Be safe on the takedown, don't get shot," she answered back.

"I promise," he told her before he hung up the phone.

He grinned, she was going to be his this time. "That go well?" Tank asked grinning back at him.

"Lula said Morelli fucked up and Steph wasn't going back."

"So you're going to call her tomorrow?" Ranger nodded to him, wild horses couldn't drag him away.

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Steph hit end call and smiled at her phone. Ranger gave her warm fuzzies. She looked up at Lula's smirking face. "Batman loves you," she said doing a little dance around Steph.

Stephanie rolled her eyes and looked at her other friends. "What did he say?" Mary Lou asked with a hopeful look on her face.

"He said he loved her," Lula said bouncing up and down.

"He did not. He said he'd call me tomorrow to talk," Steph answered.

"That's what he told you. I'm talkin' bout what he told me," Lula interrupted. "He told me he loves you."

"Are you serious?" Connie asked wide eyed.

"Damn skippy," Lula replied.

"Sometimes I wish I would have married Ranger," Val said dreamily.

"You realize that was never on the table right?" Steph asked her sister.

"That's only because you wanted him for yourself," Val argued making the rest of the girls laugh.

"Whatever," Stephanie said plopping back onto the floor to pick up her drink off the table.

"If Lenny didn't mind sharing I wouldn't mind a night with Ranger either," Mary Lou agreed.

"Shut up," Steph cried.

"What? He's hot. Who hasn't imagined what he's like in bed?" she continued.

"Mary Lou," Steph begged trying to shut her up.

"She's right, Steph. Just the sight of his biceps gives me palpitations," Connie agreed. "I think I'd die if I got to see him naked."

"Mm, yeah, all those muscles," Val sighed.

"Will you all shut up," Steph yelled.

"Come on girl, you know there ain't a woman breathing that'd turn that man down," Lula added with a shrug.

"You're so not helping," Steph glared at her.

"I'm not saying he'd take them up on it, he loves you," Lula added with a grin. "But his body is slammin'."

"Damn it. We're supposed to be planning revenge tonight, not talking about _MY_ Ranger's body."

"Your Ranger," Connie grinned with a nod. "Maybe we need revenge AND catch a Ranger plans for tonight."

"Yeah," Mary Lou agreed. "We can do both."

"Joe first," Steph finally agreed hoping they'd just forget about Ranger for the night.

"So we talking bodily damage revenge or just you're an asshole revenge?"

"The second one I think. I'm not as angry anymore."

"So we're talking more property damage," Connie said thoughtfully.

"Shit, it's Halloween," Mary Lou said excitedly. "Remember freshman year?"

They all watched as Stephanie's face split into a huge grin. "Oh, Lou, that's fucking perfect."

"What'd you do freshman year?" Connie asked.

"You remember all the houses that got hit with the burning doggy poop?" Val asked nodding yes when Connie's eyebrows rose.

"That was you two?"

They nodded excitedly. "Not only that, but we toilet papered Bella Morelli's house and egged Morelli's car and girlfriend," Steph laughed.

"Terri was pissed," Mary Lou laughed at the memory.

"Not as pissed as Carl Costanza was when we pantsed him and shrink wrapped him to the telephone pole by Uncle Mo's candy store," Stephanie laughed harder.

"That was ALL you two?" Connie asked, clearly impressed.

Stephanie's laughing was making it hard to breath. "We got Joyce too. We broke in her room and stole all her underwear. We left bras and panties with her name printed inside in cars all over town."

"Holy shit, that was you too?" Connie was stunned.

"For months women were finding her underpants in their husband's cars. She got the reputation she deserved out of that one," Mary Lou laughed.

"You both got grounded," Val interrupted.

"Worth it, besides Mom could never prove we did any of it," Stephanie said excitedly. "We need to do it again."

"I ain't TP-ing Crazy Bella's house," Lula said shaking her head.

"She's an old woman, she'll be in bed early." Clearly Mary Lou was up for anything.

"She'll give us the eye," Connie agreed with Lula.

"Really, what's the worst she can do? Her worst was giving me the Vordo, nights of endless Ranger induced orgasms was a real curse," Steph said waving her hands around excitedly.

"You was walking funny for a week," Lula laughed.

"Again, I say ENDLESS Ranger orgasms, totally worth it," Steph grinned. They all quietly contemplated that.

"Where are we gonna get dog shit?" Connie finally asked.

"Bob. Joe's backyard his like hitting the mother lode."

Val pulled a notebook out of her purse with a pink gel pen. "Who are we all hitting then?"

"You're in?" Stephanie asked her. Her sister was always a goodie-goodie, she couldn't imagine her doing something illegal or fun.

"You only live once, right?" Val answered back. "Now, let's make a plan here."

"Vinnie," Connie suggested.

"And Joyce," Lula agreed.

"Obviously Joe," Steph added. "And his little Grandma too."

"Kelly Martin," Val said writing her name on the list. "She told everyone I baked the cupcakes that _she_ burned for last week's bake sale."

"And my neighbor Mr. Kapinski. He told me my boys were devil spawn," Mary Lou bitched.

"Carl and Big Dog, they bet on me coming in full of garbage yesterday." Steph's evil grin made them all laugh.

"Tank," Lula finally added. "He dumped me for a fuckin' cat."

Stephanie laughed, "What about Ranger?"

"You want to prank Ranger?"

"It'd be a challenge," Steph shrugged like that's all there was to it.

They continued to drink and laugh while they wrote out a list of supplies and decided on a route to follow through with all the people they'd get.

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Lester and Hal were ready to call it a night, they'd been sitting in the parking lot for three hours watching for the women to move. Ranger was sure they were up to something and he usually wasn't wrong, but Lester was beginning to wonder if it was just a drunken slumber party. He wondered if he should climb up onto the fire escape to take a look, make sure they were alright and clothed and not making out or something.

"Oh shit, check this out," Hal said pointing to the group of women loading into Val's black minivan.

"Christ, they're all dressed in black. They're up to something," Lester sighed.

"Maybe they ran out of drinks," Hal said hopefully.

"They ain't dead, so I doubt that's it," Lester laughed.

"Let's roll," Hal said starting the truck as the women pulled out of the parking lot. They stayed back a couple blocks, keeping the van in their sights. They watched as they pulled into the all night Wal-Mart. "We going in?"

"No, let's wait here. I don't want Steph to spot us," Lester answered. They sat there for about a half hour watching before the girls walked out with bags of stuff.

"What the hell does Steph need all that toilet paper for?" Hal asked as he tilted his head and looked through binoculars at them. "Eggs, plastic wrap, shaving cream, lunch bags," he said listing off what he could see in the bags.

Lester let out a loud bark. "Fuck, this is going to be good." He pulled out his phone as Hal pulled back onto the road behind the women's van. "Boss? We just followed them to Walmart."

"Walmart?"

"Yeah. Looks like Steph needed to pick up a few things?" Lester said letting out a big laugh.

"Details."

"Eight, twenty-four packs of toilet paper, a bag of eggs, a bag of shaving cream, some plastic wrap, and some paper lunch sacks," Lester explained.

"Fuck. You're still on her right?"

"Oh, yeah, I ain't missing this show." Lester laughed again. "They're all dressed in black, head to toe, looks like they're on a mission."

"Christ, get a video on this," Ranger laughed. "Send in the first location when you get there."

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Ranger walked down to the comm. room and sat down next to Binkie. "Boss," he said with a nod.

"Pull up Lester's video feed," Ranger told him as Tank pulled a chair up next to him. Ranger watched as they pulled to a stop behind Mary Lou's house. Four of the women got out leaving the driver in the van. They each had a package of toilet paper rolls.

Ranger's eyes went to Stephanie immediately. She was dressed in a pair of her black cargos and one of his black hoodies she'd stolen. He smiled at the screen, she was too cute when she wore his clothes, like a little girl drowning in grown up clothes.

Tank started laughed as he watched them creep up to the neighbor's house. "They're out toilet papering houses?"

Ranger nodded watching as Lester followed them around the house undetected. They moved like a well-oiled machine, covering the entire yard in toilet paper. Every tree and bush was draped in white by the time they were finished. They ran back around the house and dove into the van, peeling away from the scene. From the video he could tell Lester was running too and Hal took off just as fast once his partner was in the truck. "That was a piece of art work," Binkie said approvingly.

Tank was still laughing. "We should hire her sister. Quite the getaway driver," he barked another laugh.

Ranger smiled as Bobby, Manny, and Cal joined them at the monitors. "Looks like they're headed toward Morelli's," Tank said with a smirk.

They watched as the van stopped at Morelli's backyard. Steph and Lula got out of the van. Steph pulled on some elbow length rubber gloves and grabbed a garbage bag while Lula boosted her over the fence into the backyard. "What the fuck is she doing?" Bobby asked leaning forward.

Ranger answered his phone, hitting the speaker button. Lester was laughing so hard he could hardly talk. "I can't get the camera in there without being seen boss, but she's bagging up Bob's shit."

"What?" Manny asked.

"The dog, she's got an entire garbage bag of dog shit," Lester said laughing until he snorted. They could hear Hal laughing in the background. "These bitches are crazy."

Ranger shook his head and watched Steph toss the bag of shit over the fence and pulled herself up. She only needed to swing her legs over and drop, but she seemed to be hesitating. Lester was barking out another laugh. "They won't move the shit bag and she's afraid she's going to land in it." The guys were all laughing at that. It would be Steph's luck to land in the shit.

Mary Lou got out of the van and loaded the shit bag into the back before coming back and standing by the fence so Steph could step onto her shoulders and dismount like they were a pro-team. "Damn, she's a touch little cookie. Her and Bomber got some moves there," Bobby said appreciatively.

Ranger grinned as Hector, Vince, and Ram gathered around with the rest of the group as Manny filled them in on their hijinks. He shook his head and made a call to Ella. He knew by the look of that bag of shit the night had only just begun for his Babe, she'd need him before it was over.

"What do you think they have planned?" Ram asked watching the van move through the Burg.

"We need a book opened on this one," Vince said grabbing a paper and pen. "I'm betting they fill Morelli's truck with the dog shit."

Everybody laughed and bets started flying. "That's not personal enough for Morelli," Ranger said in a low voice. "I'm betting the shit goes to Joyce's house." The guy's laughing hit a new level as they thought about that.

"Damn, that's Vinnie's house," Vince said excitedly.

The men watched as they parked down the block. Stephanie and Connie crept from the van and moved into the driveway. "Damn, Connie can pick a lock as fast as you RangeMan," Tank laughed watching as she slipped the lock and the two of them disappeared into the garage.

Lester moved around to the side of the garage and lifted the camera to the window. Steph had a little pen light in her teeth so they could see as her and Connie ran around the car spreading the packages of plastic wrap around Vinnie's car from roof to tires in a thick layer. They then switched to a new roll and stood one on each side of the car. They tossed the roll over the car to the other woman while pulling the plastic tightly over the roof before rolling it back under the car. Around and around until you could barely see what the color of the car was. Then Steph grabbed the shaving cream and sprayed P.E.T.A. and other animal rights sayings onto the car with the cream.

Everyone, including Ranger, was laughing now. The stories of Vinnie fucking ducks, dogs, and cats was widely known and Steph used it brilliantly. They were excitedly anticipating the next attack.

The women drove only a few blocks, toward the edge of the Burg before stopping again. They looked up the address, but no one recognized the name of the family that lived there. Steph got out of the van and pulled the gloves back on, filled one of the large paper lunch sacks with dog shit and twisted the top shut. Her sister had moved to stand next to her and grinned at the shit sack. Steph handed her the bag and a lighter. The sisters stood there smiling at one another before they quickly hugged. Steph jumped into the driver seat as Val disappeared into the yard.

They watched eagerly as Val lit the bag, placed it onto the doorstep, and rang the bell. She took off around the side of the house. The van moved when a woman opened the door and stomped onto the shit bag and started screaming. Steph whipped the van around the block to pick up her sister. Val hopped in without the van even coming to a full stop. "God damn, I'm a little in love," Ram grinned watching the little blond woman. The guys all laughed at him, but Ranger knew more than one of the guys was probably agreeing with him.

Ranger watched as Steph slowed the van and pulled it around the corner. The women unloaded again, grabbing more of the toilet paper while leaving Val behind the wheel this time. "Bella Morelli's house," Bobby said checking the address.

"Morelli's grandma," Ranger said with a grin.

"The one with the eye?" Binkie asked remembering Steph's weird story about the Italian witch.

Ranger grinned and nodded remembering when Steph was convinced the old bag cursed her into being a slut. He laughed to himself, maybe she'd get caught and get cursed again. He could stand being used as a sex toy again, second best week of his life, the first was the week in Hawaii with her. He adjusted himself before it became painfully obvious he'd lost control of his thoughts.

The women toilet papered everything, hitting it even better than Mary Lou's neighbor's house. He leaned closer to the screen as he watched Stephanie squat down and wrap the statue of the virgin in TP, she looked like a mummy when Steph was done with her. "Oh, shit, that old hag is going to be spitting when she sees that," Tank snorted.

"Bombshell's being a bad girl," Cal laughed.

"I like naughty girls," Vince grinned back as they fist bumped.

"You spank her, boss?" Hector asked with a laugh. Ranger just shook his head with a smile.

"I have a feeling this is the tame shit the other women planned," Bobby smiled at Ranger with a knowing look. He agreed, knowing Steph the best was yet to come.

They loaded back into the van and drove out of the residential area. They pulled onto a side street and parked. Steph and Lula unloaded from the van. They moved quietly through the street toward the police station. "What the hell are they doing?" Cal asked, getting nervous for her safety.

Ranger wasn't sure either, but he knew this was one of Steph's plans and her plans weren't always the best. He text Lester, "Cover her."

"On it already. Sounds like they're looking for Carl and Big Dog," Lester text back.

"Shit," Ranger said softly. "She's going after Costanza and Big Dog."

Tank grinned back at him and shook his head. They watched their women duck behind a police car. It wasn't more than fifteen minutes before the two of cops headed out of the station toward their cars. The women popped up and stun gunned both cops instantly. "Holy fuck," Binkie said blinking. "They took out cops."

Ranger watched as they grabbed Carl first and carried him toward the sidewalk. Steph pulled his pants down so he was only in his boxers and held him against the telephone pole while Lula plastic wrapped him to the pole. They returned for Big Dog and did the same without taking down his pants. The guys were laughing again, gasping for air. "Shit, I think I'm in love now," Vince laughed smiling at them.

Ranger and Tank both pinned him with a nasty glare. "Joking," Vince said holding his hands up in submission. "Your women are amazing. I can't help it."

Ranger watched them load back into the van and pull away from the area. He waited until they were out of the area before using a secure, untraceable line to call the police station. "I was driving by your lot and saw two officers tied up to utility poles. You should check on them." He hung up and laughed. He knew Steph didn't want them harmed, just made fun of.

The women slowed as they cruised by Pino's. They pulled into the lot and Stephanie popped the back passenger door of the van, she leaned out of the van and launched two perfectly aimed eggs at Morelli's windshield. The alarm started going off, but Val already had her van out of the lot and pulled into an alley to hide. They waited there about twenty minutes, until they saw Morelli's truck pass. They pulled out a few minutes later and followed him back into his neighborhood. They didn't pull onto his street. Morelli would notice a tail and he was probably pissed off.

Lester got close enough that they could see the women again. Steph was bagging up shit sacks again while Mary Lou grabbed a few dozen eggs. "Oh shit, they're going after Morelli," Bobby said sounding as excited as a kid at Christmas.

Ranger checked his phone. Lester text him, "No worries, boss, positioned to pull her out if needed."

They all watched as the women positioned five bags of shit across the steps and started the bags on fire. Stephanie went to the left and Mary Lou to the right, each with a couple dozen eggs. Steph fired first, hitting his truck again, setting off the alarm. Morelli stormed out the door looking around, almost missing the burning shit in front of him. He kicked it off the porch, spreading shit everywhere. Before he could react to the shit, his truck, his house, and his body were pelted with eggs. He was clearly screaming and waving his hands. The little slutty cop emerged from the house behind him and was hit square between the eyes with an egg and then shot twice in the chest and a couple times in the hair while Morelli was still being hit.

Lester was running again, chasing after the retreating women, watching until they hopped into the van and were out of Morelli's neighborhood. Hal picked him up and they took off after the van. "Holy shit, Bomber's got an arm on her," Bobby grinned.

"She played softball," Ranger answered quietly, still grinning at the monitor.

"That's your girl, man," Tank said slapping him on the back. "We need to alibi her?"

"Taken care of," Ranger smiled. "I think she has one more stop."

Just then the comm. Room was filled with the sound of Stephanie's alarm going off. It immediately started broadcasting sound. "Shit, she hit the button on her watch," Tank laughed while Ranger grinned and motioned for the men to turn the sound up. Six more of his men ran into the room, but Ranger motioned for them to be quiet so they settled in around the monitors with the others.

"I can't believe fuckin' Joe just stood there and screamed like a little bitch while we hit him with eggs," Mary Lou was screaming and laughing along with the other women. The guys were laughing just as hard remembering what they saw.

"Asshole," Steph muttered making Ranger smile.

"You get his bitch too?" Connie asked. "I woulda took that bitch out."

"Nah, he's the one that's an asshole," Steph said.

"Well, I did. Hit her with a half dozen eggs," Mary Lou answered still laughing. "She stood there and started crying. Fucking crying."

"Well, that's what happens when you fuck a toddler," Val yelled through the laughter. "They can't play with the big girls."

"Between her black eye and his bruised balls I bet he doesn't get any tonight," Stephanie told them making the laughter start over. Half the guys silently moved their hands over their crotches.

"You got him in the balls?" Lula asked.

"Two direct hits," Stephanie snorted. "Dumb ass didn't cover himself after the first shot." Ranger was laughing silently at his Babe's words. She really was an amazing women and one he planned to not piss off.

"Awesome," Connie laughed. "Someone should castrate him. I should call my uncle."

"Whatever, it felt good to get a little aggression out, but I'm done worrying about Morelli. The rest of his life has nothing to do with me," Stephanie announced. "I am free and clear and got the last fucking word." Tank slapped Ranger on the back with a big grin while Bobby and Cal gave him the thumbs up sign. He knew his guys were all hoping for the two of them to finally get together and he hoped to oblige them, soon.

"Fuckin' A. Now you can put all your energy into jumpin' Batman's bones," Lula laughed loudly.

"Yeah, I expect to see you walking funny for a week, again," Connie snorted. The guys were loving this.

"Only a week? She can't limit herself to only a week of Ranger induced orgasms can you, Steph?" Mary Lou asked her.

Stephanie laughed then, the sound going directly to Ranger's heart. "You people make him sound like a piece of meat," she answered with a groan. The guys were all laughing and shaking their heads.

"You tellin' me you don't want to get freaky with Batman?" Lula yelled at her.

"I didn't say that. I'm not dead," she replied. Ranger sat staring at the monitor, watching the van's tail lights, willing her to say more.

"But?" Connie finally asked, obviously hearing the word just like Ranger had.

Stephanie didn't reply. "A shrug ain't no answer," Lula bitched at her.

"But she doesn't want to sleep with Ranger," Mary Lou answered. Ranger felt the guy's eyes on him, but he stayed focused on the screen.

"Why the hell not? If you didn't want him you could have let me marry him," Val yelled at her. Ram snorted at the comment.

"For fuck's sake, you realized marrying him was never on the table right?" Stephanie yelled back at her.

"Because you wouldn't even set us up," Val shot back.

"No, because he doesn't want a relationship with ANYONE," Stephanie nearly screamed. Ranger felt like someone had punched him in the gut. Bobby turned in his seat and glared at Ranger, giving him a WTF look.

"Well, shit," Lula muttered.

"So you're not going to tell the man you've been madly in love with him for the last three years because you think he doesn't want a relationship with you?" Mary Lou asked in a harsh voice.

"No. I _know_ he doesn't want a relationship with me and I'm not going to tell him I'm in love with him because I'd probably never see him again, he'd be in the wind as soon as the words left my mouth. God. Now I don't even have Morelli's stupid ass to hide behind. How am I supposed to hide my feelings from Ranger now?" Stephanie asked them. Ranger's mind wasn't keeping up with the information that was being given. She loved him, but wouldn't tell him. In the wind? Hiding behind Morelli?

"I think you should tell him," Connie told her.

"He loves your skinny ass," Lula agreed.

"Sure, in his own way. Whatever the fuck that is," Steph groaned again. "Can we let this drop now? We've got another stop." Tank kicked Ranger's chair and glared at him.

"In your own way?" Tank asked. "What the fuck have you done?"

"I fucked up," he muttered back as he heard all his stupid words come back at him. "Shit."

"Fix this," Tank glared at him.

"Tonight," Bobby agreed.

"Or I'm asking her out," Vince grinned at him before the rest of the guys joined in agreeing that they wanted a shot.

"She is mine," Ranger growled.

"Make sure she knows it this time," Tank growled back at him. "Or I'll kick your ass." Ranger glared at him and motioned to the screen.

The van pulled up down the block from Joyce's house. Ranger recognized it from the time he had helped Steph break into it. She filled six more bags of dog shit and twisted them shut. This time Lula grabbed three while Steph grabbed the other three and Connie grabbed the remainder of the shit stash. They positioned the shit bags around the front of the house while Connie dumped the pile in the middle of the porch. They lit the bags and Connie tossed a match onto the pile. They all took off running, before stopping to watch from the corner of the house.

It didn't take long for the porch fire to get out of control. "Fuck," Ranger muttered, instantly on his phone. "Pull them out," he shouted to Lester as he listened the girl's screams over the transmitter. "And turn off her watch without her noticing."

88888888888888

Steph was having the night of her life. Despite the conversation about Ranger she was still on a high from getting Joe. She was feeling so good that she didn't expect anything to go wrong at Joyce's house. Then the fire started to go crazy, spreading across the entire front porch. "Shit, run," Steph said grabbing Connie's arm. The three of them sprinted toward the van.

Suddenly Lester was in front of her grabbing her by the wrists to slow her forward progress. "Hey Beautiful," he called out opening the driver's door of the van. "I'm going to drive." Val looked worried.

"Move. We torched Joyce's house," Steph yelled at her sister.

"You three get in with Hal, just in case anyone saw you," Lester told them.

Stephanie nodded and hopped into the SUV with Connie and Lula in the backseat. Before she knew it they were speeding away toward Haywood. "So Ranger knows that I burned a house down?" she asked Hal.

He laughed. "He saw everything. We've been following you all night."

"Shit," Connie whispered.

"That's an invasion of privacy," Stephanie shrieked as her phone started playing the Batman theme song. "Yo."

"Babe. Bring your friends straight to the seventh floor. Ella has costumes for you, get them on quickly and come back down to five so we get you an alibi," he told her calmly.

"An alibi? The fire was an accident."

"Destruction of property, arson, vandalism, assault, illegal use of a weapon on police officers, sexual assault since you took the bastard's pants down, breaking and entering, need I go on?" he asked.

"Shit," she muttered.

"It was impressive." She laughed at that, feeling somewhat better. "I'm proud of you, Babe. Now get back here and follow instructions, alright?"

"Alright. Thanks Ranger," she said with a smile on her face as he hung up.

88888888888888888

Hal unloaded the women at the elevator before parking his SUV. Stephanie ushered her friends inside and hit the button on her key fob, sending them directly to the seventh floor apartment. She used her key to unlock the door and walked inside, dropping her purse on the little table while she kicked off her shoes.

"Wow. What is this place?" Connie asked looking around. She was clearly impressed by the elegant, masculine penthouse.

"Ranger's apartment," Steph said moving around like she belonged there while turning on the lights.

"The Batcave?" Lula said looking around excitedly.

"This is really fuckin' classy," Connie smiled, running her hand across the leather chair in front of her.

Steph ignored them as she walked through the bedroom to the dressing room. She found the costumes hanging in her section of the closet, next to her few remaining work outfits she'd kept there. Steph turned around to find they had followed her. Lula's mouth was hanging open as she took in Ranger's huge closet and dressing area. Her eyes finally landed on the small section of Steph's clothes and shoes. "How long you been keepin' shit in Batman's closet?"

Stephanie shrugged. "Um, he cleared the section for me the first time I stayed here, when I was hiding from The Slayers."

Connie blinked at her. "You were living with Ranger? That was years ago."

"That's why you smelt like him. It wasn't the fuckin' truck," Lula grumbled putting her hands on her hips angrily. "You was holding out on us."

"Let's do this later. We need to move, Ranger's orders," Steph said changing the subject. "Get into the costumes." She handed the marked bags to the other women and showed Connie to the bathroom.

Connie came out minutes later wearing a very skimpy, naughty nurse costume that barely covered her assets, but matched her red FMP's perfectly. "Uh, Steph, Ranger has women's product in there?" Connie said wearily. She didn't want to hurt her friend's feelings if the man had some bimbo using his shower regularly, but she didn't want to send her in to find it blind either.

"It's mine," Steph said shrugging again. She didn't need to check. Every time she'd stayed there her things were in a basket under the counter. If Ella knew she was coming tonight she would have put them out for her.

"We're talkin' bout this shit later. It ain't right to not tell us you have a whole secret life with Batman," Lula complained as she took her stuff into the bathroom. "Damn, this is a nice bathroom, though. Now that is a shower!"

"And he is GOOD in that shower," Steph yelled back. She heard the loud thunk as Lula dropped something.

"Shiiitt!" she grumbled. "We're gonna need those details too."

Stephanie flopped back onto the bed waiting for Lula to come out. Connie was still wondering around the room like she wanted to open every drawer, but she behaved herself. Lula stepped out of the bathroom and put her hands on her hips. "What the hell is this shit?" she grumbled.

Stephanie laughed hysterically. Lula was wearing black fishnet tights and a shiny black, strapless teddy. When she twirled around Steph could see the fluffy white bunny tail attached above the top of the thong. She waved the bunny ear headband in front of her face. "Batman buying costumes at the Pleasure Treasures this year?" she bitched.

"I think it looks good on you. You'd make a great playmate," Steph told her gently. "And it matches your boots."

"Hunh, I make this shit look good. Now how bad is your costume?" she asked.

Stephanie opened the bag and pulled out the hanger. Attached to the hanger was a bag with a cute pair of black Mary Jane shoes, white knee high socks, and a gold cross necklace. "Oh, Kate Spade shoes, I love these," Stephanie smirked at Lula.

"Keep on lookin'," Lula nodded at the hanger.

Steph lifted a tiny, blue and green plaid skirt off the hanger along with a nearly see through white shirt, if you could call it that. "Oh, shit, no way," Steph sputtered.

"Go get it on, now. You don't want to get arrested do you," Connie said ending her protest.

"I hope the guys are dressed just as naked," she grumbled as she took her stuff into the bathroom. The skirt had a built in, snap-crotch, matching thong panty and was only long enough to cover the essential bits, as long as she didn't bend. The shirt was made to look like a white dress blouse, except it stopped just below her breasts. It had no buttons so was only held together by the tie if she knotted the material between her boobs. On top of that it was see through enough that you could see the outline of her nipples. She couldn't even wear a bra with it. She couldn't wear this in public. Hell, she didn't know if she could wear it in private. She added the necklace, braided her hair and tied it off with a band that was in her supply basket, then finished it off with the socks and shoes. She looked at the naughty school girl costume and groaned to herself. "Ranger is so dead."

88888888888888

Ranger, Tank, and Bobby donned their costumes. Bobby was wearing a pair of his scrubs, Ranger was dressed in black pants, black shoes, and a black button down dress shirt with a priest collar, and Tank was looking good in his black lounge pants, slippers, and red silk smoking jacket. They took the stairs up to five to wait for the women to come down.

The guys were still hanging around the control room or the break room waiting to congratulate Steph on a job well done. They laughed at the costumes Ella had grabbed for the guys. Tank found himself renamed Hef and the idea of Priest Ranger really got them. He figured the girls had matching costumes and the idea of Steph as a nun was just as funny. That'd probably bring just as many laughs from the guys.

Five minutes later the elevator stopped on five and Lula charged out in her Playboy bunny costume. "Hot damn," Tank muttered with a smile. "Lula, baby, you look fine."

"Don't you try comin' onto me," she grumbled at him. "I'm still mad at you and them damn cats."

He grinned and followed her down the hall. He'd probably be forgive before the night was out. Connie was standing against the side of the elevator telling Steph she had to come out even if it was just to kill Ranger. She grinned over at Ranger and Bobby, "She's not too happy with that outfit."

Connie, herself, looked damn fine in her little naughty nurse costume. Bobby winked at Ranger and stepped toward the elevator. "I'm your date tonight Nurse Connie," he said holding out his hand.

"Well, hot damn," she grinned back. "You make a good looking doctor."

"I'm a medic," he answered her as they strolled off leaving Ranger behind.

He stepped into the elevator and looked at his Babe. Her hair was braided and she was wearing white socks and black shoes, but that was all of the costume he could see. She hid the rest under one of his oversized black hoodies, which she had zipped up to her neck. She looked him up and down and rolled her eyes. "That's not fair," she grumbled.

"What?"

"I was hoping you'd be as naked as me," she sighed.

"Can I see?" he asked with a wolf grin on his lips.

"No."

"Why not? How bad can it be? Is it a 'naughty' nun dress?"

"Nun?" she asked rolling her eyes. She stormed out of the elevator toward the break room. "You know damn well I'm not wearing a nun costume," she yelled at him as she unzipped the hoodie and tossed it at him.

She spun in a circle before putting her hands on her hips to glare at him again. His eyes moved up her long legs, staring at the bare skin that showed between her knees and the bottom curve of her ass cheeks. He licked his lips, but his mouth had gone dry as he moved up to the little pleated skirt, the bare skin of her midriff, and the dark nipples showing through the flimsy material of the shirt. "Hello! Father Carlos, my eyes are up here," she said waving her hands at him.

His eyes moved to her face and he was altogether lost. She was so damn beautiful, especially when she was angry. The little flicker of light in her gorgeous blue eyes glittered like stars when she was mad. "That is not a nun costume," he said finally finding his voice.

"It's fucking kink wear is what it is. I can't go out in this," she complained.

"No, you can't go out in that," he agreed.

"Your men are staring at my tits and ass."

Ranger looked at the men who quickly found something else to look at. "Shit, put that back on," he said handing her the hoodie.

He took her down to the second floor, where he'd had a private party set up in one of the conference rooms. There were tasteful Halloween decorations around the room, a romantic, candle lit table set for six, plus soft, eerie sounding music playing in the background. "What's this?" Steph asked walking in the room.

"I figured a good meal would sober you up the rest of the way," he smiled at her. "Plus, with all the shit you were throwing tonight I figured you worked up an appetite."

She laughed then and threw herself against him, hugging him tight. "What happened to Mary Lou and Val? Are they alright?"

"Lester returned them to their husbands, disposed of all your evidence and had Val's van detailed before parking it back in her garage."

"Thank you, Ranger," she whispered into his neck. "You always know the right thing to do."

"That's not true," he whispered back. "I've fucked up a few things pretty badly. I should have asked you out tonight like a normal guy does."

She laughed at that. "We don't do normal and I'm good with that."

"Good, let's eat," he said tugging her braid.

The other couples sat down at the table and dished out the food Ella had prepared. Steph moaned in delight at the amazing tastes. Ranger cleared his throat as he shifted in his chair, God, how he loved listening to her little moans. "We set up an alibi for all of us. We were at a party in Newark at my sister Celia's house. She'll confirm it if necessary. We got back and had this private party here for just the six of us before splitting off for the night." Ranger looked at Stephanie for a moment, she couldn't tell what he was thinking. He handed her a photo of a white house. "My sister's house, party was in the backyard so you don't need details about the inside of the home. I drove so you don't know exactly how to get there, but it was in the same area we had gone to in Newark during the Scrog thing." She nodded while she looked it over before passing it to Connie.

The other women asked a few questions, but it was a pretty straightforward alibi and they should all be able to stick to it easily enough. Once the dishes were cleaned up Ranger asked Steph if she wanted to dance. He flipped to a different playlist and pulled her into his arms. His hands moved under the hoodie, lightly trailing over her bare skin. She shivered at his touch. The more they danced, the closer their bodies moved until her face was in his neck. She breathed deeply, inhaling his scent as she let her tongue taste him. He made a little noise in his throat as she kissed his neck again. "Babe?" he whispered to her.

"Hmm?"

"Stay with me tonight?"

She trailed her lips across his jaw to his mouth, pulling his bottom lip into her mouth with a little nip before answering. "As long as it's not the only night."

He smiled and met her lips again with his own kiss. She melted against him as his tongue moved against hers, bringing her close to moaning. He finally broke the kiss and laughed. "I learned a long time ago one night with you was never enough."

"Mmm, what else have you learned?" she whimpered as his thumbs moved over her nipples.

"I think we should discuss that upstairs." He flashed her his wolf grin and chuckled at her dreamy look, but his phone rang interrupting his plans. "Yo," he answered.

"Boss, we have police officers here to see Steph," Binkie said with a laugh. "Morelli looks a little crazy."

"Have them brought into the party." He ended the call and smiled at Steph. "Show time," he announced loudly. He pulled the zipper on Steph's sweatshirt and slipped it off her shoulders before tossing it onto one of the chairs. "Ready for this?"

She looked down at herself and frowned. "If you help me cover my boobs." He smiled and pulled her back against his chest, picking up the dance where they'd left off.

Steph smiled to herself. Bobby and Connie were dancing too, Tank and Lula were sitting at the table talking, exchanging smiles and laughs, and she was in Ranger's arms where everything was safe and perfect. She'd like nothing better than to stay there forever. She sighed as she thought about that, since forever wasn't an option she'd gladly take tonight and every other night he offered. Being able to love him a little was better than not at all.

Ranger smiled at her and lowered his lips to hers, kissing her softly until she was melting against him once again. She didn't know how he could do that to her every time they kissed, but he never failed. She wasn't sure how long they had stood there devouring one another, but the next thing she noticed was Vince holding the door open to a group of familiar police officers.

"Cupcake," Joe said loudly pulling her out of her Ranger-induced-kiss-stupor.

"Oh, hey Joe. What are you doing here? I thought you had a date?" she asked as Ranger tucked her against his side, letting his fingers slip into the waistband of her little skirt.

"I'm here on police business," he said glaring at Ranger. "Someone did a lot of damage tonight. My grandma's house was toilet papered, my house was hit with eggs and dog crap, Joyce's house was set on fire by flaming dog crap, and Carl and Big Dog were assaulted and plastic wrapped to utility poles by the station."

"Holy crap," Steph muttered. "That's crazy."

"Sure is. So where were you tonight?"

"We were at a Halloween party," she said motioning to her group of friends.

"Here?" Carl asked irritated.

"No. We just got back here a little while ago."

"Is there reason to believe Stephanie was involved with any of these crimes?" Ranger finally asked.

"She had a bone to pick with all the victims," Eddie said with a shrug.

"Any evidence?" Ranger continued.

"We're still investigating," Morelli answered. "So, where was the party?"

"In Newark at Ranger's sister's house. It was mostly a family thing. Then we headed back here for dinner and dancing," Stephanie explained without a hint that she made the whole thing up.

"A family party in that outfit?" Morelli asked staring directly as her nipples. Ranger made a little growl sound as he turned her body so her left breast pressed against his chest while he moved his hand to cup her right breast, covering her the best he could from Morelli's feasting eyes.

"Well, I lost my bra on the way home." Ranger winked at her and kissed her forehead.

Lula started laughing. "They was getting down right freaky in the back of that truck. Tankie and me had to turn the music up so we didn't have to hear that shit."

"Newark is a long fuckin' drive," Tank said shaking his head like he was pained.

Joe's face was turning dark red the more he listened to their story. "It didn't take you long to jump back into his bed, Steph."

"Who says she's ever been out of it?" Ranger asked getting the reaction he was after. Joe stepped up to take a swing and had to be restrained by Carl and Big Dog.

"Come on Morelli. Just let it go. You moved on, now you have to let her," Carl told him. "You can't pin this shit on her just because you're pissed she's with Manoso."

"We've got no evidence," Eddie agreed. "Let's go Morelli."

Joe shrugged out of their grip and stomped over to the door. "He's turning you into a criminal, just like him. I hope you have a good life giving each other alibis and shit," he growled at her and Ranger before leaving.

"Shit, he's just pissed that his date dumped him and he lost you for nothing." Eddie laughed. "Then he finds you in Ranger's arms looking like a wet dream on top of it…it was perfect, Steph," Eddie grinned. He leaned closer and kissed her cheek. "Tonight was impressive. Tell Mary Lou I'm proud of her too."

"Good night, Eddie," Steph smiled at her old friend. Big Dog and Carl nodded to her. "Bye guys."

"Night Steph," Big Dog said before walking out.

"We're done with the bets," Carl said tipping his hat to her before turning to walk out.

Once the policemen were back in their cars Stephanie started laughing. "That was awesome. You're awesome," she giggled at Ranger. "God, I love you."

His smile spread into a full thousand watt grin. "I thought you'd never say it."

"What?" She groaned as she realized what she'd let slip.

"I love you too, Babe."

"What?" She knew her eyebrows must have shot straight up to her hairline. What was he saying?

He laughed at her as he lifted her in his arms, cradling her against his chest. "I love you, Stephanie."

She felt her mouth fall open as she stared at him. "What?"

"I love you completely, and the way I see it I'm the only man strong enough to handle a relationship with you," he told her as he kissed her nose.

She laughed then as the happiness bubbled out of her. "Lucky for you that I love you completely and am probably the only woman crazy enough to handle a relationship with you."

He couldn't keep his smile from growing. "I'm going to take you upstairs now. It's time to start our someday."

"Holy shit," she muttered as she blinked at him. "You are MY Ranger."

"Always have been, Babe." He fobbed the elevator up to the seventh floor as he brought his lips to hers. He controlled his excitement as he poured all his love into that kiss, but inside he was doing his happy dance again. His Babe was finally where she was meant to be, in his arms, permanently.


	2. Year 2

** **Author's notes... Each chapter of this story can stand as its own story, but they are also continued from the previous year. Still super silly. Mature Rating for bad language, more adult situations, naughty sex talk, and some light smut.** **

Halloween Morning (A year later)

Ranger sat at his desk staring at the paperwork in front of him. It was only nine in the morning and he'd lost focus over an hour ago. He hated the paperwork, it left too much time for his mind to wander. The last couple of weeks it'd been wandering more and more to a certain curly haired, crazy woman that drove him mad. He'd like to be out in the field doing an apprehension, hell, even a meeting would stop his mind from drifting to her every ten seconds, but he didn't have anything else planned for the morning, so here he was, stuck. He finally tossed his pen down and called his third in command, Lester Santos, into his office.

"What's up, Boss?" Santos said cheerfully as he plopped down into one of the chairs.

Ranger looked him over. Santos was a good guy, one he trusted with his company and his life, but this was more important that those things, this was about his woman. She liked Les, trusted him enough to actually talk to him, which is what he needed him to do right now. "I have a mission for you."

Lester narrowed his eyes at Ranger, trying to read the blank look that shielded the other man's thoughts and emotions. "This about Steph?" he guessed.

"Get over to the bonds office, wait until she gets there to go in. I want you to find out what she has planned for tonight."

"Tonight? Something going down?"

"It's Halloween. There is no way she's going to be sitting home alone tonight. You know if she goes out she's bound to attract some sort of danger," Ranger explained. They exchanged a thoughtful look as they both remembered the previous Halloween.

"She still not talking to you?" Lester asked with a grin spreading across his face.

Oh, she was talking to him alright, just enough to call him a few choice names or tell him to go to hell and stay there. "I don't want her to know I'm checking up on what she's doing."

Lester laughed at that. He knew damn well Steph was taking her sweet time forgiving Ranger this time, but he also knew she probably wasn't as mad at him as she let on. She loved him after all. "Yeah, I'm on it."

"Bring them donuts and pick up my files so you have a reason to be there." Lester nodded his understanding and saluted before leaving the room. Ranger felt himself roll his eyes at the other man and immediately chastised himself for picking up Stephanie Plum's bad habits. _Eye rolling, what was next? Tastykakes and Boston Crèmes for dinner? _

He stood and stretched, maybe it was time to go back down to the gym. If that woman didn't forgive him soon he'd probably strangle her, well probably not, he'd probably break into her apartment and crawl between her legs before she had the chance to protest. He sighed at that thought, the way things were going he wouldn't be getting laid for the rest of the calendar year.

"You just sigh?" Tank asked looking at him like he was losing his mind.

_Fuck, I am picking up her habits_, he thought. "I'm going to gym, meet me on the mats."

Tank laughed one of his deep belly laughs that practically shook the floor. "No progress with Bomber yet?"

"Mats, in ten," Ranger barked not answering his best friend, whom was still laughing his ass off.

Fucking friends, fucking hard headed woman, fucking idiot skip that set this whole thing in motion. If it weren't for that guy ripping off Steph's dress during the distraction job he wouldn't have had to handcuff her into his truck.

Ranger had pulled his own tee shirt off and yanked it over her head to cover her nakedness, but she was still only wearing a tiny red lace thong and his tee shirt. It was a look he enjoyed in the privacy of their homes, but walking around a bar parking lot in front of his men, the cops, and the fucking pervert skip they were apprehending, well, he didn't think so. Unfortunately, she did. She wanted to give the guy a piece of her mind or a good kick to the balls, but there was no way he was going to let her walk around like that so he'd cuffed her into his SUV until they left the scene. He'd never seen her so pissed before. That was two weeks ago and he'd felt every minute of her anger since then.

He busted into the gym five minutes later ready to beat Tank, or maybe get beaten a little himself. At least he wouldn't be thinking about Steph for a little while.

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Stephanie pulled up to the bonds office, thankful for another morning of not seeing Ranger's Porsche parked in front of the building. She'd been avoiding him the last few weeks the best she could. At first she was so mad at him, how dare he lock her in his truck while he dealt with the pervert that tore her dress off. It was her tits that were flashed all over the parking lot, so it should have been her that made him bleed a little before he went back to lock up, but no, Ranger had to pull his macho bullshit and lock her in the car while he saw to it that the skip accidently walked his face into the brick wall.

After a few days though the anger ebbed and she was kind of grateful that he hadn't let her prance around all his men in her underpants, she didn't want them to see her that way. She liked being one of the guys, she had a good relationship with them, they were all like big hulking brothers to her.

Still, she wasn't ready to forgive him, yet. It'd be like admitting she was wrong and he, again, was right. No way would she give him the satisfaction of that. She wanted him to beg forgiveness first, then she'd give it to him or maybe she'd have him make it up to her with that wicked tongue of his.

She sighed to herself, two weeks and two days since she had a Ranger induced orgasm and unless he came back begging soon she knew she was going to give in. She hated sleeping in her bed alone, without his warm body next to hers she didn't feel complete. She hated not talking to him even more, he had become more than just her best friend over the last year, he'd become a part of her. She should probably just call him. _No,_ she shrieked at herself, _just because you're lonely and horny is no reason to forgive him for cuffing you into his truck. Don't be an idiot, he'll miss you too, and eventually he'll call. _ She rolled her eyes at herself, she'd probably call tomorrow. Tonight she had plans with the girls.

She held her head high, no need to alert the girls that she and Ranger were still fighting, and walked into the bonds office. Lula looked up at her and made a face. "You didn't get any yet and you forgot the donuts," she grumbled.

"Good morning to you too," Stephanie said giving her a glare.

"How's it going, Steph?" Connie asked from her stack of paperwork.

"Fine. What's all that?" she asked nodding at the papers.

"Vinnie's been hording the mail. We have a bunch of overdue bills I need to cut checks for and get in the mail before the noon pick up."

"Idiot," Steph nodded before plopping down on the couch next to Lula. "Why are men so stupid?"

The door opened and all three women looked at the offending male body that interrupted their conversation. "What?" Lester asked looking back and forth between them.

"Steph wants to know why you men are such idiots." Lula asked him.

Lester narrowed his eyes at Stephanie. "Awe, come on Beautiful, we're not all idiots. Just cause one idiot pissed you off you don't need to hate us all, do you?"

Her eyes narrowed back and she glared at him. "What are you doing here?"

"Ranger asked me to pick up his files. Plus he asked me to give you these," he answered producing a box of donuts from behind is back.

"Put them on Connie's desk." She wasn't going to give him the pleasure of eating one of his donuts, sent his errand boy so he wouldn't have to see her, asshole.

"I'm no one's errand boy," Lester said glaring back at her. "And I bought the donuts myself so you may as well have one or I'll be mad at you too."

"Shit, I didn't mean to say that," she answered with a blush on her face. She grabbed the box of donuts and pulled out two of the Boston crèmes before handing the box to Lula. "I'm sorry, Lester."

"Eh, don't worry about it. I've been getting worse from the boss for the last two weeks."

"So, he's not happy?" Stephanie asked hopefully.

"No, he's not happy. Why won't you just call him?"

"Why won't he call me?" she shot back.

Lester shrugged. "Who knows what he's thinking. What are you doing tonight? Why not surprise him up on seven or something?"

"I've got plans tonight with the girls."

"That's right, Batman will have to wait. We goin' to that haunted house off Stark. Supposed to be real scary and shit," Lula told him.

Lester smiled. "Just the two of you? Alone, down there?"

"Nope, Connie, Mary Lou, and Val are coming too," Stephanie told him. "Safety in numbers and all that, plus we're going to go as soon as trick or treating is over so we won't be there too late."

"I still don't know how you talked me into going. I hate haunted houses. I think those guys that work in there are all perverts, always accidently copping a feel in the dark," Connie said, not even bothering to look up from her accounting book.

Lester laughed, "Maybe I should look into a little part time work at one of those haunted houses."

Stephanie rolled her eyes. "Like you need to cop a feel in the dark. You have women hanging all over you no matter where you go."

"Never had you, Beautiful. You decide to make your split with Ranger permanent you should let me know," he wagged his eyebrows at her. "I'll let you cop a feel."

"What do you mean split with Ranger? Did he say we split up? We didn't split up, it was just a disagreement, that's all. If he'd just apologize it'd be over," Stephanie nearly shouted. "Fuck. Split up, what the hell, that man had better not be acting like a single man or he'll be tasting his balls for a week."

Lester laughed at her verbalized thoughts, but kept the comments to himself. The boss would never go looking for another woman. Steph was it for him and he knew it, they all did, except her. "Files?" Connie nodded and handed a stack of files over to him. "Later ladies, Beautiful."

Stephanie was steaming now. How mad could one man make her? She really wished he didn't have the power to drive her crazy, but she felt like she was going mad. Damn man, why did she have to love him so much? She shoved the donut into her mouth, chewing it violently while she thought about how he had better be working and not out seducing some beautiful woman he planned to replace her with. Maybe she should call him. She growled at herself, God, she was weak. She wasn't going to give in. She had to trust that he'd wait for her and make the right choice, to apologize for his asshole-ish-ness.

She grabbed her own files and headed out the door with Lula on her heels. They both needed the money, plus it was lunch time, somewhere.

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Lester walked into the gym, watching Tank and Ranger sparing was always a sight, but today Ranger seemed to be getting the better of the big guy. He smiled to himself, two weeks without Steph and he was going crazy. He knew he'd been sent out for the information, because Ranger thought if he saw her he'd beg her forgiveness and the great Ranger Manoso didn't beg anyone. Funny that she was the exact same way, but Lester was glad she was. Ranger would bulldoze a weaker woman, but Stephanie had always been able to hold her own when she was pissed and right now she was steaming. He watched Ranger and wondered which one of them would crack first, his bet was on the boss. He smiled to himself, he was going to get a pool going and his money was going to be on Ranger begging by midnight.

Lester strolled over, sitting on a folding chair to watch the rest of the match. It took another ten minutes before Ranger noticed he was in the chair and halted the match. "Santos, report!"

"She was at the office, not too happy I may add," he said cheerfully.

"Do you enjoy my woman's unhappiness?" Ranger asked coldly.

Lester laughed. "No, but let's say that girl has a potty mouth on her when she's mad."

Ranger smiled, his eyes flashing something Lester couldn't read, maybe _he_ was the one that was enjoying her unhappiness. "Did you get the intel?"

"Sure did. Lula leaked it immediately. Connie, Val, Mary Lou, Lula, and Steph are having a girls' night out."

"Oh, hell no, you know what happened last year when they had a girls' night out. I ain't dressin' up like no pimp again to get your girl out of trouble," Tank bellowed. "And I don't care how much you pay me. Those women are crazy. Lula fucked me to sleep and shaved Miss Kitty's back into a reverse mohawk last year." He clearly wasn't over his favorite cat's hair cut or the woman that did it.

Ranger shot him a dirty look. "What are the plans?"

"They're going out to that haunted house, the big one off Stark. They're going to be there between eight and nine from what Steph said, they're waiting until the kids are done trick or treating."

Ranger looked at Lester like he was formulating an entire plan. "Get on the phone to the charity that's running the haunted house. Give them a large enough donation that they'll agree to us taking over the property for the night. I want all the guys called in on this one, get contract workers on the monitors and keep one crew on the streets just in case we get an alarm call. Get Ella working on monster costumes for everyone, make sure there are masks so Steph doesn't know anyone."

"Got it, Boss," Lester smiled at him. Yes, they were working a haunted house, sometimes he loved this job.

"Fuck, RangeMan, I don't want to dress up in no haunted house," Tank grumbled.

"Lula and Steph are going in there. Is there any way they aren't going to get into trouble, run into a skip, or start the place on fire?" Ranger growled back at him. "You going to let something happen to them?"

"Fuck. No," Tank finally agreed. "Those women are gonna kill us someday."

Ranger couldn't argue. Steph kept him on his toes, that's for sure. He looked at Tank with a grin, it could be worse, at least he wasn't in love with Lula.

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Late afternoon, Ranger was touring the haunted house with his core team. Tank kept frowning at the low ceilings and narrow twists and turns between rooms, but kept his comments to himself. Ranger knew pointing out that Lula was just as much a trouble magnet as Steph was the quickest way to get him to agree to help.

They had been broken up a while ago now, but Ranger knew he still loved the boisterous, beauty. Just like Steph, Lula was full of life and easily loved other people. She had the heart of a warrior and was a true survivor. It was something that made Tank feel alive, like a light had been brought back into his life. Ranger knew that feeling well too, without Steph in his life he didn't think he'd have a reason to keep going. He hadn't been living before she came into his life, he was existing, doing his duty, but not truly living. He didn't want to go back.

When Ranger had met Steph he knew she was different from anyone else he'd ever met. She was strong and smart and so beautiful he could hardly keep his eyes off of her, but after he'd gotten to know the person she was on the inside he couldn't help but fall in love with her. She was more beautiful on the inside than she was on the out. He knew he'd do anything for her, to protect her, to take care of her for the rest of his life, regardless of her actually being his. Now though, she was his and he wasn't going to let her go. He'd protect her tonight and then he'd go tell her he was sorry and beg her forgiveness if that's what she really wanted. He loved her too much to keep being stubborn about this. He didn't want to lose her like Tank did Lula.

"Boss, you with us here?" Bobby asked slapping his arm.

"Again?" Ranger muttered so the information would be repeated.

"You want a man outside each exit?" Bobby asked.

"Yeah, on the outside of the building. If they're out of sight they don't need to be in costume, but the guys at the front door need to be concealed from Steph." Bobby nodded his agreement.

"We need to have costumed actors in the building too. They suggested at least thirty-five people to run the place. Did you want to supplement with any of the real performers?" Lester asked looking down at his notebook.

"One of our guys in each of the rooms and hallways. I want all areas covered, after that they can fill back with their own crew." Ranger looked around the graveyard room they were in and shook his head. "Have them keep their staff on standby. If the guys want to take off after Steph goes through the house they can have their actors replace our guys then. There's no reason to stay here all night." Tank sighed in relief.

Lester nodded his approval of the plan as he noted the type of costumes and make-up needed for each room. He'd get Ella on that as soon as possible. Some of the guys were so big she'd need to get her sewing machine going, and fast.

Ranger watched Lester's grin as he ran around the rooms, making notes. He was more like Stephanie than any of his other men. His excitement for this silly tradition was beyond Ranger, but he'd do anything for his Babe and that would apparently include another awful costume, a fifty thousand dollar charitable donation to the Boys and Girls Club of Trenton for the use of the house, and paying his men hazard pay so they wouldn't be so pissed off about this latest job.

He shook his head at Lester and Bobby as he and Tank headed back to his car. He needed to get some work done before the day was a complete loss.

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Stephanie helped her older sister Valerie usher her four kids around their neighborhood in the Burg. The oldest, Angie, was walking primly as Juliet, dressed in a gown that would have fit in at a Renaissance Faire, while complaining that she was too old to be trick or treating anymore. Stephanie rolled her eyes at that, she'd still be trick or treat if she could get away with it. Hell, if she carried the baby to the door people tended to give her an extra treat for herself. She wasn't too proud to take their chocolate.

The second oldest, Mary Alice, was running from house to house dressed as a unicorn. She decided that was quite different from being a regular horse, she was now a horse with super powers, so the costume consisted of a shiny gold horn and a red cape. Stephanie laughed as she watched the girl. She was way too much like her aunt for the rest of the family's comfort, but Steph thought she was amazing.

The second youngest, Lisa, was holding Steph's hand while toddling along in her cookie monster costume. The three year old was absolutely adorable with her chubby cheeks and toothy smile. Stephanie couldn't help but laugh every time they went to the door and Lisa would yell, "Trick or treat. Candy. Bye." She was amused by the way she reacted to all the pumpkins and ghosts that decorated the walkways and porches. "Ghost! Scare-ring me," she'd coo with a laugh, clearly not scared at all. Steph watched her struggle with climbing up a big step and tried to help, but Lisa yelled at her, "No me." So she just put her hand on the baby's back and helped her do it on her own. Steph wondered if her own baby would be so independent, probably, knowing her and Ranger's personalities, their baby would be so independent it'd be changing its own diaper.

Val gave her a weird look, "You alright Steph? You turned white as a ghost."

Stephanie looked at her sister. She was the perfect mother, pushing her youngest baby in her stroller. The baby was all bundled up in a bunny costume. She knew she'd never be the kind of mother Val was, but did that mean she couldn't be a good mother in her own way? "Just thinking about what it would be like to have a baby."

Val smiled at her. "They change your life and make you crazy, but they fill you with so much love, you can't even begin to understand until you hold your baby in your arms."

"Maybe someday I'll understand," she sighed thinking about a perfect little boy with mocha latte skin and dark eyes like his daddy.

Val laughed at her. "Carlos would make beautiful babies." Stephanie knew her face turned red from being caught thinking like that.

She looked up as they crossed the street, "Ah, shit."

Val looked over and scrunched up her nose like she smelled something bad. "You want to skip to the next block?"

"No, Mary Alice is already on the porch," Steph groaned as she watched her ex-boyfriend open his front door with a big bag of candy under his arm.

"Mary Alice, you're a unicorn!" Joe exclaimed smiling at the little girl.

"I'm magical, I can fly," she said showing him her cape.

He laughed then, "Must run in the family." His eyes met Stephanie's as she rolled them at him. "How you doing, Steph? Not burning down any houses this year?"

"The night's still young, Morelli," she answered as she scooped Lisa up in her arms so she could grab a candy bar out of the offered bag.

She shoved her hand in the bag, pulling out four kit kat bars. She smiled at Stephanie, who lifted the plastic pumpkin pail so she could drop them inside. "Look at you. I always knew you'd look good with a baby, Cupcake."

"I was just thinking the same thing. Maybe it's time for me to start working on a baby," Steph agreed with him, mostly to get him to make the face he was at that moment.

He awkwardly shifted his feet back and forth, looking at the floor and then back at her face. "You still seeing Manoso? Haven't seen you together for a while."

She shrugged at him. "I haven't seen him in a couple weeks."

Joe gave her a weird look. "Why?"

She sighed loudly, "He pissed me off."

Joe grinned then, making him look even more handsome than usual. "So you put him on a time out? You're in an off stage?" Stephanie wasn't sure if that's what she'd call this or not. "You wanna get a pizza later?"

"You're kidding, right?" she asked. "I'm busy with the girls tonight. Besides, I don't think we're in an off stage, we just had a disagreement and I need him to apologize."

"Manoso? Apologize?" Morelli laughed deeply with that thought. "Ah, shit, Cupcake, I've missed your irrational thought process."

"He handcuffed me into his truck so his men wouldn't see me in my panties," she practically yelled while glaring at him.

"I'm not even going to touch that one," he smirked.

"Whatever. You remember what happened when you handcuffed me in the shower? I'd say an apology is getting off a lot better than what you got, isn't it?"

Joe grimaced remembering her revenge. "Christ, maybe I should call the guy and tell him that."

"Right. Happy Halloween, Joe, I'll see you around," she said smiling at him. She realized in that moment how much she'd missed his friendship.

"Steph?" She turned to look back at him. He held out a candy bar to her. "Your treat, hopefully it'll save me from the flaming dog shit this year."

She laughed. "Yeah, you're probably safe. I'll call you for lunch, alright?"

"Yeah, I'd like that," he agreed smiling back at her. "See you, Cupcake."

She rolled her eyes and shook her head at him. "That doesn't seem like an appropriate nickname anymore."

"Too bad, you're still soft and sweet..."

"Shut it, Morelli," she yelled at him while giving him the Italian salute over her shoulder. She heard him laugh before he closed the door.

"Did you just make a date with Morelli?" Val asked her.

"No, lunch, as friends," Stephanie said making a face. "That ship has sailed. I'm so over that man."

"Good," Val agreed smiling at her sister. "Just don't let mom know you're seeing him for lunch." Stephanie cringed at that thought. Mom would have them engaged again, at least in her mind.

Another hour of trick or treating, a visit to her mom and Grandma Mazur, and they were back at Val's house. Val fed the girls dinner and got them in their pajamas just as Mary Lou was pulling up in her minivan. Albert assured her that he was fine with the girls while she went out to have some fun. Stephanie could tell Val was having a hard time leaving her babies, but steered her sister out the house before she could bail.

"Hey bitches," Mary Lou shouted through the window.

Oh boy, if she was pulling out _bitches_ already this was sure to turn into a night. Steph smiled and waved as she shoved Val into the backseat before walking around to get in the front herself. "We have to swing by my parent's house to pick up Grandma Mazur on the way to Connie's," Steph told her.

"Your Grandma's coming along?"

"Val told her we were going out and you were driving. She invited herself along. Apparently going down to the spooky house on Stark is a pip," Steph told her with an exaggerated eye roll.

"Well, this night is about to get a lot more interesting. So we're going out for drinks after the haunted house right?" Stephanie nodded her affirmative while watching the other two women. As much as Val was fretting about leaving her babies behind for the night, Mary Lou was lose and free, acting like a college aged party girl. Stephanie's mind wandered to what she'd be like when she had kids. She hoped there was a happy medium between the women's extremes.

Grandma Mazur came out of the house in low rise jeans, what looked like hot pink Sketchers sneakers, and a neon green puffer coat. "Look at her. She glows in the dark," Val said blinking at their grandma.

"She just wants to be young. It doesn't hurt anything," Steph told her with a shrug.

"Except your eyes, that's bright," Mary Lou smiled.

"Hi girls. I'm so excited to come along."

"No problem Grandma. Just one rule, no gun. Leave it under your seat," Stephanie warned.

Grandma Mazur laughed at that. "You never let me pack heat anymore."

"I don't want to have to bail you out tonight," she answered. Mary Lou laughed, thinking it was still a possibility, especially after last year.

Lula was already at Connie's when they pulled up. Val crawled into the back with Connie while Lula sat behind Mary Lou. Grandma smiled at the new comers. "Hey granny, I didn't know you was coming along," Lula grinned at her.

"Sure am. I couldn't pass this up. I haven't been to a haunted house since 1945, boy that year was a real pip," she said with a laugh. "I had just turned twenty and my parents were badgering me to settle down and get married to this nice, young man from the neighborhood."

"But you didn't want to?" Mary Lou asked.

"No, I wanted to run free and be a little crazy. So I went down to the shore, Point Pleasant had this large haunted house set up on the beach. I went in there with my friends Evelyn Madison and Violet Dieters, well they started screaming their heads off and wouldn't walk through the place. They finally had to turn the lights on so they'd shut up. Then this handsome vampire come out to lead us through the maze so they wouldn't get scared again."

"Oh, I'm feelin' this," Lula said. "You hook up with the vampire?"

Grandma Mazur laughed then. "His package was almost as nice as Ranger's looks."

"Alright, Granny," Lula answered holding her hand up for a fist bump which Grandma answered awkwardly.

"That vampire took me out on the beach and we made love half the night, he was like magic, should have been dressed like a wizard instead of a vampire. I never got his name or seen him again, but the things that man could do with his tongue, I tell you," Grandma Mazur gushed on smiling at her memories.

Valerie looked like she'd eaten something sour while Stephanie smiled to herself feeling the connection of a kindred spirit. "Daaaamn, Granny you sound like Steph," Lula laughed.

"I never slept with a stranger on the beach," Steph said making Mary Lou snort.

"All that shit bout her man being magic, like a fuckin' wizard. You always sayin' shit like that about Ranger," Lula argued.

"That's different."

"How? You were getting badgered to settle down with Morelli, but you didn't want to. You had to run wild just like your Grandma," Connie agreed. "The question is, is Ranger's tongue good enough to be legend too?"

All of them started laughing at that. Stephanie smiled to herself as she thought about the things he did with his tongue. "God, I miss him," she sighed making them all laugh gleefully.

"Fuckin' A. You need to just call his ass. Tell him it's your turn to cuff him or some shit," Lula laughed while nodding yes to herself.

"He cuffed you? I wouldn't mind him cuffing me," Grandma Mazur said while Connie and Mary Lou agreed.

"I've never been tied up during sex. Is it fun?" Val asked. Steph cringed thinking about Albert tying up her sister, yuck.

"Sure is, if you have a man that knows how to dominate you properly," Lula shared. "I wonder what Tankie's up to."

"I don't think Albert could dominate anything. His big finisher is rolling off me and farting," Val grumbled. Everyone stared at her open mouthed. No one wanted to touch that one.

"So," Mary Lou said. "Is Ranger dominant in bed?"

"It wasn't like that," Steph bitched. _No, it was because he was protecting you from yourself again, idiot,_ she thought. "It wasn't a sex thing."

She was lost in her own thoughts until they pulled up to the haunted house. They found some parking a few blocks away and walked over to the ticket window. The woman smiled at their group politely. "You have a large enough group that I'm going to give you a group ticket. No one will be added to your group and you'll be kept together. We have only one group go through the house at a time so it'll be private. Just get into line like normal and give the greeter your special ticket."

"Sweet," Mary Lou said grabbing the ticket.

"Damn skippy, now no one will see me wet myself," Lula agreed.

They bought cups of hot cocoa and stood in line snuggled in their warm jackets. Stephanie watched the couples around them cuddling for warmth, the happiness in their eyes and the shared smiles pulled at something inside her, and she missed her Ranger even more. She wished he was thinking the same thing about her, like maybe he'd missed her so much that he'd just use her tracker, find her here, and pull her into his arms. Damn, she was getting sad and pathetic.

"Look at these guys," Val said staring at the large men dressed in monster costumes. Two grim reapers moved through the crowd, apparently they were crowd security. There were another two large men dressed in black robes with scream masks in place. They weren't scary costumes, just the same old thing you always saw, but the sheer size and the amount of power radiating off them sent the other women into nervous giggles whenever they got near. However, Stephanie's spidey sense was going like crazy. She couldn't see the men's faces, but she felt them looking at her, watching her, but it wasn't exactly creepy. She tried to shrug it off, but it only got stronger the closer she got to the door.

"I bet that one there has a great package. Dare me to check?" Grandma Mazur laughed as she pointed to a tall man in grim reaper wear.

"Grandma, you don't even know what he looks like under that costume. He could be some kid or a priest or something," Val scolded her.

"Ain't no priest put together like that, girl. That man's definitely gone through puberty, look at those arms," Lula protested, apparently agreeing with Grandma. Stephanie laughed to herself, remembering how Ranger dressed as Father Carlos the previous Halloween, he was certainly put together like that.

As they moved closer to the man at the door, she felt eyes on her again. Shit. "I have a weird feeling about this," Steph said shaking her head.

"You want to leave?" Mary Lou asked.

"No, I'm sure it's nothing. I just feel like I'm being watched." The other women looked around, trying to see if they could find the offending party.

"Maybe the monster over there just wants to get freaky with you," Connie said practically salivating as she looked him over.

"Well, I'm off limits." They smiled at Steph, surprised she finally admitted that.

"We got us a special ticket," Lula told the guy at the door.

He lifted his hand for the ticket and nodded to them without a word. He walked through the door waving his hand for them to follow. "Shit, it's dark in here," Connie complained.

"Of course it's dark. It's a haunted house," Steph told her.

"Hey monster man, you going to protect us?" Connie asked the large man. He lifted her hand to his faceless mask and kissed her through the thin material. "Hot damn," she purred as he stepped back toward the door they just entered from.

They watched as he stepped outside and slammed the door behind himself leaving them in the pitch black hallway. Suddenly the floor started to shake and then spun around in a circle. Just as suddenly the floor stopped spinning and a black doorway was revealed. "Shit, I ain't goin' in there," Lula yelled.

"It's the only way out," Mary Lou told her as she held Grandma Mazur's hand and started toward the door before stopping abruptly. "I don't think I want to go first though."

"We'll go in the back. I hear those monsters like to feel up the women in the back," Grandma decided.

"Fine. I'll go first, yeesh," Stephanie growled as she pushed herself to the front of the group. Val moved behind her, holding onto her sleeve like a little kid. Steph rolled her eyes even though no one could see her do it.

She moved down the dark hallway, feeling her way through the narrow maze. Her hands moved across the smooth surface of the wood, feeling for corners or doorways. At the end of the wall her hands touched fur, she slid her hand up and touched wood again. They had nailed fur onto the wall to scare people, she smiled to herself as she turned the corner and waited. It took seconds before she heard Connie and Mary Lou scream as they touched the fur. "I just touched something furry," Connie screeched.

"Was it a man?" Grandma asked.

"It wasn't no man. It was a freakin' piece of material nailed to the wall," Lula grumbled. "And I don't like these tight halls, they ain't made for a full figured woman."

Stephanie got to the end of the hall and there was no way out. "Crap, turn around and go the other way. This is a dead end," she shouted back to Mary Lou.

Their little group moved back up the hallway about six feet before Mary Lou stopped. "Crap, this end is blocked too."

"We're trapped?" Connie asked sounding more than a little panicked.

Steph quickly turned back toward her end of the hall to check if she had missed something. Her quick change in direction knocked Val sideways. She reached out to catch herself and got a handful of something. She squeezed it and tried to figure out what she was holding. Suddenly a little flashlight illuminated the hall. Val looked down at her hand and started screaming. Steph looked at her sister and followed her gaze. "Val?"

"I grabbed a penis," she screamed still cupping it in her hand.

"Val. You have to let go," Steph tried to reason with her.

"I felt his penis."

"Girl, you still feelin' his penis," Lula pointed out.

"Move over, I want to feel," Grandma said trying to push toward the man dressed in a death robe.

"Grandma, NO! No one else is touching his penis. Val, you have to let go now," Steph said taking her hand. Val wasn't letting go.

"Shit," Steph muttered knowing there was only one way to do this. "I'm sorry mister, but I'm going in." She grabbed her sister's wrist in one hand while using the other to push between Val's palm and the man's penis. He was fully erect by the point Steph's hand wrapped around his cock. "Jesus." She pulled Val's hand free and quickly let go of the dick.

"You just touched his penis. I want a feel," Grandma complained.

"How's his package rate against your man's?" Lula laughed.

"Shut up and figure out how to get out of here," Stephanie complained. "Mister, cover up your junk there or my grandma will latch onto it." With that warning the door sprung open at the end of the hall revealing a room filled with strobe lights. Steph stood in front of the poor guy until the group moved past him. Grandma Mazur gave Steph her the Burg glare, but didn't try to feel him up. Once the other women were safely in the other room the man took Steph's hand and gave it a gentle squeeze and nodded his thank you. "No problem Big Boy," she laughed at him and followed her group.

The first room was small, the strobe lights bounced off the mirrors on either end of the room blinding them for a few moments. As they moved into the room they noticed all the severed body parts hanging from the ceiling. Steph grinned at them, they looked pretty real if you hadn't seen the real thing as often as she had. The next thing they knew a giant of a man was running toward them with a chain saw roaring in his hands while a smaller man circled their backs with an ax. "We need fresh meat," the small one yelled. "So hungry."

The women, minus Steph, screamed. She quietly eyed his bloody mouth and razor-sharp pointed teeth. She smiled at him, he was a good actor. Mr. Chainsaw moved behind her tilting his head as he revved up the motor again. His face was covered in a leather type mask, only revealing his chin and his bald head. He was big and thick and seriously familiar looking. She just couldn't put her finger on it. He was probably a skip or something. Deciding to move on quickly, she grabbed Val and headed toward the door on the far wall.

This sent them directly into the next room, which was dark and cold feeling. The far side of the room had metal bars, like a cell. There were dummies set up to look like dead prisoners. "This room is much better," Connie said taking a shaky breath.

"I don't know, there has to be someone real in here," Val said looking around.

"Just don't grab his dick," Mary Lou teased her.

"It was an accident," she yelled back.

"Sure, until you turned it into a hand job," Connie laughed.

"You take that out to the corner, you can make an easy twenty," Lula told her. She and Connie fist bumped one another.

"Real funny. What happens in here, stays in here. I don't want Albert hearing about how I grabbed a penis," Val warned.

"This ain't Vegas, girl, it's fuckin' Trenton. Ain't nothin' a secret here," Lula laughed evilly.

"Was it worth it? Did he have a nice package at least?" Grandma asked.

Val looked at Steph with red cheeks. It was enough for them both to have had a handful at the same time, but they weren't discussing that. "Trenton or not, keeping it in the house seems like a good rule to me," Steph agreed. "No one hears about the penis grabbing."

"Then I'm getting me some penis tonight too," Grandma Mazur announced.

"Oh boy," Steph muttered to herself.

"Look at this here," Lula pointed. "I think this one is alive." She leaned into the bars of the cell to investigate the dummies.

"Poke it and find out," Connie told her.

"I ain't poking him."

"Let me get my hands on him," Grandma shouted as she pushed her way toward the man.

He suddenly stood up and started swinging a knife at them, screaming, "Let me out." Three of the other bodies also jumped up and started pounding on the bars, growling like they were trying to get the women through the bars.

"Holy fuck! Zombies," Connie screamed grabbing Lula's hand and taking off for the door. Steph and Val moved behind them laughing at Connie's screaming, which didn't end until she ran herself straight into a giant Wolfman in the next room. His arms came around her, squeezing her to him as he petted her hair. "I think he likes you, Con," Steph laughed as Connie started to scream again.

"Stop your screamin'. This here is one of those nice wolfmen," Lula told her.

"How do you know?" Val asked.

"He's got kind eyes," Lula said nodding to him. He threw his head back and howled. Steph narrowed her gaze at him, looking into his kind eyes. Her gaze moved down over his body, taking in his somewhat familiar form.

"He looks like he _really_ likes you," Stephanie said pointing to the man's crotch. "Val, you should go check it out." Steph laughed at the looks both Connie and Val gave her. She felt much better putting the attention on the other women, though she still had a hinky feeling. She needed to stay in control and be aware of her surroundings, because there was something going on in this haunted house and she was planning on figuring it out.

"Hot damn, you got another one with a nice package," Grandma Mazur said as she joined the group. She headed straight toward the Wolfman. He growled and lifted his paws at the old woman. Steph sighed and moved in front of the man as she insisted that Mary Lou take Grandma into the next room, immediately.

"Close call, Wolfy," Steph said patting his head. He nuzzled her hand and dropped a kiss on her palm in thanks. She shook her head at the odd behavior as she moved into the next room with Val.

The other women had already entered the darkened room. Once Stephanie and Val were in the center with the rest of the group the door shut behind them, leaving them in complete darkness. "What the hell is this? I can't even see you," Connie said grabbing Mary Lou's sleeve.

"That's me," Mary Lou told her.

"Are we supposed to feel around for a door?" Val asked.

"Just don't grab a penis," Mary Lou laughed.

"So we're not letting that go yet?" Val growled.

"You're the one that wouldn't let _it_ go," Lula laughed.

"I'll feel around for the door. The next guy is mine," Grandma told them.

"I hear something," Steph said trying to hush them.

"Shit, what you hearin'?" Lula whispered in her ear.

"I don't know," Steph whispered back just as the lights turned back on. They were surrounded by a group of about fifteen bloody mouthed clowns. Circus music was suddenly blaring loudly, filling the room as the group of clowns screamed and chanted and danced around the women. Then, one of the clowns got into Steph's face, laughing like a psycho. "Oh good," she groaned.

"Laugh with us or die," it screamed.

"Awe, fuck. I hate clowns," Mary Lou was screaming on repeat.

"Laugh! Laugh! Laugh!" the clowns were shouting in unison.

Lula, Connie, and Val started a loud fake laugh poking Grandma until she joined in. Steph rolled her eyes and let out a loud, "Ha, ha, ha," in a sarcastic tone, but Mary Lou had completely lost her shit. She was just screaming, "Fucking clowns. Fucking clowns. Fucking clowns."

She pushed her way through the clowns like a bulldozer, heading toward the door in the far wall. Until one of the clowns stepped in front of her, blocking her escape. Mary Lou's eyes flashed with terror, then the next thing they knew she put her head down and charged the guy, putting her shoulder into his ribs. It was a perfectly laid tackle that sent the man onto his back with her on top. She found herself straddling the clown on the floor. Too scared to move, she started punching him in the stomach until he caught her hands and held her there on top of him. She was thrashing around, rolling her hips against his as she struggled to get away.

"I'd like a turn on there," Grandma Mazur said laughing as she watched.

"Damn, she's riding that clown," Lula screeched as she looked on.

Stephanie ran up behind Mary Lou and pulled her to her feet. She wrapped her arms around her and spoke to her in soothing tones until Mary Lou stopped screaming. The clown got to his feet, shaking his head. "Sorry, she was really scared," Steph apologized. "Are you alright?" The clown nodded and blew her a kiss before walking away. Though Steph noticed he was adjusting his pants like he hadn't minded the tackle at all.

Steph shook her head as she held her best friend's hand and walked them into another dark hallway with a steep incline. "I can't believe you mounted that clown. He looked like he could give quite a ride," Grandma Mazur said following behind them.

"Grandma, she was terrified. She wasn't trying to grope the guy," Stephanie said rubbing Mary Lou's back soothingly.

"I was terrified too, but at least I only touched a penis. I didn't dry hump a guy," Val said laughing at Mary Lou.

"Shut up. Clowns scare me," she growled back at Val.

"What would Lenny say about you and that clown?" Val persisted.

"God, you're a bitch," Mary Lou yelled at her.

"So?"

"Fuck. Fine, what happens in the haunted house stays in the damn haunted house. Are you happy now?" Mary Lou grumbled.

"Yes I am," Val said grinning as they entered into another room.

It was a creepy laboratory. As they slowly crept through the space Stephanie kept an eye on the seven foot tall man lying on the table. "Where are they hiding?" Connie said clinging to Stephanie's back.

"I don't see anyone," Stephanie mumbled back.

"Then let's get the hell outta here cause I get a creepy ass feeling in this here room," Lula called from the back of the group.

Suddenly lightening flashed and the lights went out in the room, making the entire group scream. Within seconds the lights began to flicker. The women clung together in the middle of the room until Steph started to slowly move them forward. She made it about three feet before she ran into a solid wall of muscle.

She looked up at the giant man standing in front of her. "Holy big fucking Frankenstein," she whispered looking at the huge man. He moved his hands under her arm pits and lifted her off the ground until she was eye level with him. Then smiled at her. "Shit. Shit. Shit," Steph started to cry, her voice getting progressively louder.

"Put down my girl you big dead freak," Lula said swatting Frankenstein in the back with her clutch.

He made a sick sounding growl and dropped Steph back onto her feet before he turned on Lula, catching her under the armpits and lifting her the same way he had Stephanie. "Oh, no, holy shit on a stick," Lula shrieked.

"Wow, that's some monster," Connie smiled looking him up and down like a piece of meat.

"Don't be checkin' out his ass. Get me the fuck down," Lula yelled at them.

"Uh, Mr. Frankenstein Monster, you should put Lula down. I don't think you're supposed to touch people in here," Stephanie told him as she tugged on his shirt like a little girl trying to get a grown up's attention.

He made another growling noise as he pulled Lula closer to him. Their noses were touching by the time he stopped moving her. Then he kissed her. "Holy crap," Mary Lou muttered. "Talk about a man that can be dominant."

Grandma Mazur sidled up alongside the couple and reached over. Her hand was suddenly full of the guy's junk. He immediately dropped Lula back onto her feet and screamed loud enough to bring down the ceiling. "Oh shit, Grandma, let go of his crotch."

"I got me a live one. He's smuggling a snake in his pants," she said happily.

Stephanie pulled her away, but Grandma didn't care. She had gotten a good feel. Poor Frankenstein was panicking though. He pulled Stephanie back against him so his front was plastered to her back, shielding himself from the old woman. "I'm so sorry. She's crazy. She's been trying to grab dicks all night. I shouldn't have brought her along," Stephanie stammered at him. "Go. Val get her into the next room."

Val nodded and pulled their grandma into the next room. Frankenstein kept himself pressed against Stephanie until Grandma got to the doorway. "I'm really sorry," Steph told him. He patted her head and grunted before turning away.

"That Frankenstein was hot," Lula whispered as they crept down the next dark maze.

"You were scared shitless," Connie told her.

"Until he kissed me. I never had no man kiss me like that. It was hot and he made me feel all dainty and shit, lifting me like that. I need to get that man's number. I'll be takin' his ass home with me tonight."

"After having Grandma's hands on him he probably won't be up for anything tonight," Stephanie told her with a small laugh. "Poor guy."

"I hope someone's paying him well," Connie agreed. Steph laughed as she thought about Ranger paying his guys hazard pay to be anywhere near her grandma.

"I wonder what Ranger's doing," she said quietly.

"Why don't you just call him?" Connie asked.

"Because he won't call me."

"That's ass backward thinking," Lula grumbled at her.

"I realize that, but it's gone on long enough now that I'd look like an idiot if I just gave in," Steph tried to explain.

"You look like an idiot now," Lula told her.

"True. You're going to lose him if you don't stop being an idiot," Connie told her.

"Maybe you wanna lose him?" Lula asked.

"Of course not. He's the love of my life. I just don't want to admit he was right, again," she grumbled.

"You admit you were wrong or you're going to lose your Batman," Connie warned.

"Shit," Stephanie grumbled. "Just shut up."

Connie and Lula laughed as they made their way into a dark room that looked almost like an outdoor courtyard. They walked through the hanging limbs of a willow tree into what looked like a graveyard where they caught up with the other three women who were waiting for them. "Thank God, this is super creepy. We weren't going in there without you," Val told them.

"Because I'm so big and scary that I can protect you from the bad guys?" Stephanie asked sarcastically. She knew she was being bitchy, but she was still slightly pissed from her conversation with Connie and Lula.

"You are the bounty hunter. You take out guys worse than these every day," Mary Lou agreed.

"No I don't. I bring in shop lifters and drunks," she bitched. "Ranger takes care of the bad guys."

"Well, maybe we need Ranger then. You should call him," Connie said with a laugh.

"Shut it," Steph bitched. "I guess I'll be the brave one, pussies."

"Potty mouth," Val scolded her.

"Fuck off."

"She needs to get laid," Lula told the group.

"Fuck off. Fuck off. Fuck off," Stephanie freaked out.

"Christ, Steph, calm down. You know we love you," Mary Lou told her. "We were just teasing."

"I love you too, but I need to get out of here," she growled walking backward while staring at her friends. "This has to be the last room. Come on." She'd heard enough from of all of them, she had to get out of there and call her Batman just like her annoying friends said.

"Uh, Steph," Val said pointing.

"Behind you," Lula shouted, but it was too late.

Stephanie felt a tingle in the back of her neck before large hands clamped around her arms and warm breath crept down her neck. She had managed to make it to the last room without being startled, but was so taken by surprise that she started screaming and tried to jerk out of the man's grip. He was extremely strong. Her thrashing didn't break his grip at all, in fact she found herself flattened against his hard chest. And the more she struggled against his body, the more her body began to react. She had to be completely crazy to be getting turned on by some stranger pinning her body to his. What the hell was wrong with her? She felt his tongue slid down her neck and she knew her panties were completely ruined. Oh God, this wasn't good.

"Oh, God, you have to let go," she moaned, still struggling.

"Babe," he breathed in her ear. She sucked in a deep breath when she recognized Ranger's voice. As soon as she stopped fighting him, he spun her in his arms. She smiled at him. He was dressed as a vampire in all black clothing, including a cape. His face was painted gray with blood stains around his mouth, but his eyes were the same beautiful brown as always.

"Ranger, thank God," she whispered still not believing he was here with her, but completely relieved that he was the one she had reacted to. She reached out and ran a finger over his lips, smiling at the fangs he had capped on his teeth. "I like this look on you."

He lifted an eyebrow at her and grinned before he pulled her back against him, holding her against his chest. "Stephanie? Are you going to have sex with the vampire?" Grandma Mazur asked from the trees, where the other women still waited. "You remember my story? You should go for it."

Stephanie couldn't help but laugh at that, especially with the questioning look Ranger gave her. She just shook her head at him and smiled. "Yes, I think I will," she yelled back.

Ranger smiled back at her. "I missed you," he whispered to her. "I've been a stubborn idiot to not have called you before tonight. Forgive me for taking too long to figure out how wrong I've been. I should have never locked you in the car, but I'm a crazy, jealous man where you're concerned. I didn't want anyone to see your beautiful body but me." She stared into his face, stunned by his words. "I promise to try to do better if you forgive me. Please, Babe, I'm begging you here, forgive me?"

"There is nothing to forgive, Ranger. You were right to do what you did. I would have regretted walking around like that and you knew it. You were just protecting me like you always do. I've been a stubborn idiot too. I've wanted to call you since the next morning, but I didn't want to admit you were right. It was so stupid and immature. God, I couldn't even sleep without you holding me. I never want to be away from you again. Will you forgive me too?" she whispered back.

He smiled again as he lowered his lips to hers. It was a soft sweet kiss, his lips lightly teasing hers, but she needed more. She grabbed the back of his head and slanted her lips to take what she needed from the kiss. She thrust her tongue into his mouth, devouring him. He responded immediately, grasping her ass as he lifted her against him. She wrapped her legs around his waist as he turned them and pressed her into a tree trunk. They were lost to the kiss, moving their hands and bodies together as they reconnected, until Lula's voice rang through the haze Stephanie was floating in. "What the hell are you doing? You're making out with Dracula when you got Batman at home waiting for you? I'm gonna kick your ass," she yelled at Steph.

"Yeah, Dracula, put her down. You're messing with Ranger's woman," Connie shrieked at them. Clearly her friends were in Ranger's corner. Steph and Ranger just smiled at one another.

Before Stephanie could respond to the girls, Ranger lowered her back to the ground. Then he dropped to the ground in front of her. "Babe," he started as he looked up into her eyes. "I know we're both crazy and we're bound to make more mistakes and have more fights than we could imagine, but I need you to know that I'll never walk away from you, I'll always be here when you need me, and I'll always love you more than anything else in this world. I will always be yours and you'll always be my home. If you feel the same way about me please say yes. Stephanie Plum, will you move in with me? Please."

She dropped to her knees in front of him. "Carlos, I can't imagine living a single day without you again."

"Is that a yes?"

"Yes," she said loudly as she launched herself at him. He fell over with her on top of him. She rained kisses all over his face. "Wait, is this just so I don't have a place to run away to when I'm wrong?"

"Definitely," he grinned at her. "I'm not letting you run away ever again."

"Thank God. I love you," she practically shouted.

"You love him?" Mary Lou said walking toward them.

Steph nodded and laughed as Ranger lifted her off the ground and stood in one smooth movement. "And I love her, and she's moving in with me, tonight."

Stephanie couldn't stop smiling as she wrapped her arms around him. "Holy crap," Val said staring at them.

"Ranger?" Connie asked looking at him sideways.

"Connie," he nodded.

"Damn, we couldn't tell that was you," she grinned.

"Like I'd kiss anyone else?" Stephanie laughed as she hugged him again.

"Not likely considering we'd have to kill the poor bastard," Lester said as he walked up behind the women with Frankenstein, and the Wolfman.

He pulled his grim reaper mask back over his head and tilted his head sideways. "Hey Val," he said. Val's faced turned bright red as she recognized the costume. "You got quite a grip on you."

"Oh, my, God," she groaned. "We NEVER mention tonight to anyone, do you understand?"

"Hey, I don't need to mention anything. I got it all stored right up here," he pointed to his head.

"Do I want to know?" Ranger asked Steph.

She shook her head laughing. "I had to pry Val's hand off his penis earlier. I'll fill you in later." Tank's laugh bubbled out of Frankenstein's lips.

Stephanie looked up at him and smiled. "Big guy?"

"Little girl," he answered grabbing her and lifting her into a big bear hug. "Thank you for saying yes. He'll be your problem now."

"I'm going to need help," she whispered to him.

"Don't I know it," he grinned as he put her back on the ground.

"Sorry about Grandma earlier," Steph said crinkling up her nose.

"I'm with Val. Don't mention it. Ever," Tank warned.

"There is nothing to be embarrassed about, Mr. Tank. You have the best package I've ever felt," Grandma Mazur assured him.

Ranger burst out laughing at that. "Hazard pay?" he asked.

Tank nodded to him with a shudder. "This was worse than last year."

The door burst open as ten more costumed men entered the room. "Bomber's officially moving in with the boss," Bobby called out to the team from behind his Wolfman mask.

Stephanie was suddenly crushed in assorted monsters, kissing and hugging her. She was almost in tears as they officially welcomed her to the family. "Oh, I love you guys," she said smiling at them.

Cal pulled off his leather mask and winked at her. "Thanks for the save earlier. Your granny's a viper."

Zero pulled off his clown mask and wig and smiled at Steph. "Ditto." Stephanie laughed as Zero turned his gaze toward Mary Lou. Before she could say anything Zero had Mary Lou off the ground and his lips were pressed to hers. Mary Lou's protests died as she let the young man kiss her for a minute.

She looked stunned when he finally dropped her back to the ground. "Damn. I'm married," she stammered at him.

"Is that a deal breaker?" he asked her.

"Yeah, unfortunately, I love my husband," she answered as she touched her lips again. "Damn."

"What about you, Val? Being married a deal breaker for you?" Lester asked her.

"Um, probably," she said looking down at his crotch. He laughed and kissed her forehead. "You Plum girls are too damn cute."

"They get it from me," Grandma Mazur assured him. "And I'm single as can be."

All the men became suddenly silent as they shivered with thoughts of Grandma Mazur. Stephanie broke the silence by giggling. "Carlos?" He looked down at her with a nod. "Take me home?"

He nodded to the guys, doing his ESP thing. They seemed to spring into action, taking care to wrap up the haunted house job. "I can't believe you got me to dress up again," he smirked as he walked her toward the exit.

"Maybe we should stop and get me a costume, we could hit a party or something," she answered, looking him up and down.

He laughed then, "As we found out last year, the only place with women's costumes open this late at night is the Pleasure Treasures."

"Mm, well I still have that school girl set in the closet," she grinned back at him. "And I've been a very naughty girl the last few weeks, Carlos. I think I need a good spanking. What do you say we put those cuffs to better use this time?"

His eyes turned black as he striped her with his eyes. "Babe, you never disappoint." Suddenly she was tossed over his shoulder and he was running out the back door to his Turbo.

Hours later she was lying in their bed, sprawled across his chest in a boneless heap. She let her fingers trace the bumps and ridges of his muscles as she made her way down his body, until she got to his hardened length. She trailed a finger up and down him, still surprised at his quick rebound time. "Carlos?" she whispered. "You're the one that never disappoints."

His only answer was a wolf grin as he flipped her onto her back and brought his lips down on hers. He knew he'd never tire of tasting, touching, loving this woman. He planned to never let her go again. "Welcome home, Babe," he whispered in her ear before he bit her neck and thrust himself into her waiting body. His fingers tangled into her hair as he looked down into her eyes. "I love you."

"I love you too," she groaned at him as her body almost immediately shuddered around him. He smiled at her as he angled himself into her body, giving it to her hard and fast, exactly how she wanted it. He definitely proved once again that he didn't disappoint.


	3. Year 3

** **Author's notes... Each chapter of this story can stand as its own story, but they are also continued from the previous year. Still super silly, though I have to up the warnings on this one. It's pretty much filthy from top to bottom. Mature Rating for really bad language, more adult situations, extremely naughty sex talk, and some very dirty smut. You have been warned, so please skip this chapter if easily offended. Thanks. ** **

Halloween morning…5am (A year later)

Ranger woke with a smile on his face, just like he had every morning for the last year, since the night his woman had finally moved in with him. The quiet moments he held her sleeping body against his almost felt surreal, he certainly never thought he'd be here with her. He still had problems believing she was his, but he knew that he never wanted to spend another night without her in his arms, he couldn't. He was in love, something he didn't even believe in until Stephanie walked into his life. It was like she'd flipped his life upside down when she said those three little words to him and he wouldn't change a thing about it. Hearing her say I love you was the salve his soul needed and she'd healed him, completely.

He never spent a dull moment with Stephanie that was for sure, but now that she was in his life nothing seemed dull anymore. Even the small things he never thought about before brought him pleasure. Just waking to her wild curls spilling over his pillow excited him beyond measure. Add on the way her naked body curled into his, pressing against him in her sleep like she couldn't get enough of him, that was just about enough to make him combust. He tightened his arms around her as he pulled her even closer, because, frankly, he couldn't get enough of her either.

This may have been his favorite part of the day. His lips caught the delicate skin of her neck, gently kissing her awake while he delighted in the taste of her sweetness. Steph was never one for mornings and usually grumbled at him for the ungodly time of day he got up, but the moments before she had full awareness were his bliss. She'd tilt her head and expose her neck to him while making the sweetest little mewling sounds. He couldn't even help himself, he had to do it, every day. He didn't feel too bad, he couldn't prove it, but he thought she secretly liked when he woke her just to kiss her goodbye before heading down to the gym. As long as he didn't try to make her run she was content to snuggle and kiss him back.

Today was no different. She began to stir under his ministrations, practically purring as her fingers caught in his hair and pulled his mouth closer. He lightly nipped her ear lobe with a smile on his face. "Morning, Babe."

"Mm, Ranger, do you need to get up so early?" she whined.

"Have to get a run in to burn off my extra energy or you won't be able to keep up with me," he teased.

She snorted a little laugh back at him. "I'll help you burn off some of that energy if you think you can keep up with me." She pushed him back onto the mattress and crawled over his body, straddling his hips with a sassy smile on her face.

"I bet you wear out first," he growled as he rolled them, pinning her to the bed. He caught her wrists above her head, holding them down while he lifted an eyebrow at her. "Loser wears the handcuffs tonight."

She laughed loudly. "I know just what I'm cuffing you to."

He moved his hand between her legs roughly, cupping her heat with just the tiniest bit of pressure. He watched as her eyes fluttered back and a small breathy moan escaped her lips. Yeah, he knew exactly how to get her to make that face. "It's you that'll be cuffed tonight, Babe. I have plans," he teased as his fingers moved just the way she liked, bringing her to orgasm even more quickly than usual. He loved hearing his name on her lips as she begged him for release almost as much as he loved watching her cum for him with that look of love in her eyes. "I may install a shower rod just for this occasion."

She slapped his shoulder in response to remembering the first time he'd seen her naked. "Pervert," she teased back. He bit her nipple in response making her shriek and laugh at the same time. He had never known sex could be this much fun, but he spent as much time joking and laughing in bed with Steph as they did actually making love. Who knew laughter was foreplay?

"Pervert? Me? Just last night you were the one yelling dirty things in this very room," he grinned back at her.

She rolled her eyes at him this time. "I don't remember that."

"I do. I quote, _Oh, God, Carlos, lick my pussy_. Hmm, sound familiar?"

"Not at all. I don't speak that way." He laughed loudly, pinning her body to the mattress with his own as he looked into her eyes. She smiled back at him, refusing to acknowledge she'd done any such thing.

"Really? So that wasn't you on your hands and knees screaming _Harder Ranger, fuck me hard. I need your big cock. I want to feel your balls slap my clit_?" He couldn't help chuckling at her glare.

"Well, you're the pervert that makes me say it out loud before you'll give me what I want," she yelled at him then proceeded to stick her tongue out, making him laugh again.

"Keep it in your mouth, Babe, unless you intend to use it," he told her with another smirk.

"See, pervert," she sighed.

"Yeah, and you love it."

"I do?" she asked flirtatiously while she twisted her hips against his, smiling at the glazed look in his eyes.

"Yes, because you know I'm going to lick your pussy until you're begging for my big cock," he winked at her before ducking under the covers.

She squealed loudly as she caught his hair in her hands and moaned with a smile on her face. "You're right. I love that you're a pervert."

"I know," he answered from between her legs.

She caught his head between her thighs, using her hands to push him back down toward her body. "Now lick my pussy like you promised." He laughed and proceeded to do just what she asked.

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Tank and Lester were on the mats sparing when Ranger finally decided to grace them with his presence in the gym that morning, over an hour late. "Somebody got lucky again," Tank grumbled nodding toward the door.

Lester looked over at Ranger and smirked. "Yeah, I'd say he just crawled out from between her legs. Look at his face. What the fuck is that?"

Tank laughed at his buddy. "Fuck. He's smiling again. How the hell are we supposed to scare people when he's grinning like that all day?"

"He made some broad faint yesterday when he laughed, not even kidding. This is out of control," Les said shaking his head.

Ranger made his way over to the mats. "Yo," he called to them with a small lift of his hand. "Mind if I cut in?"

Tank snorted at that. "You got enough left in you to go a round with me after going one with Bomber?"

Ranger's blank face slammed down as he glared at his best friend. "We're not talking about Steph."

"Whatever man, I wasn't insulting her, just stating a fact."

"What fact is that?" Ranger growled.

"The fact that you're an hour late and you smell like pussy again," Lester said laughing loudly. "Not that I blame you. It's a lovely scent."

Ranger leapt onto the mat, attacking Lester while still keeping an eye on Tank. The guys continued to beat one another for another forty-five minutes, until they were all lying on the mat spent. "Glad to see you still have it in you, man. The smiling was scaring me," Tank commented as he wiped the blood from his lip.

"Thanks for keeping me on my toes," Ranger laughed while wiping at his own bloody nose.

"What about me?" Lester laughed, as he held his sore ribs. "Shit, that hurts."

"You keep your sick thoughts about my Babe to yourself," Ranger told him with another smile.

"All this lovey dovey shit is freaking me out," Lester grumbled. "This is a manly business we're supposed to be running here, not some soft-core happily ever after romance shit."

"There is nothing soft-care about it," Ranger answered with a laugh. Tank joined him, laughing deeply, he knew Steph was probably just as crazy as his own woman between the sheets.

"That's what I'm talking about, laughing and smiling and sneaking little kisses all day. It isn't right," Lester grumbled.

"So what if I'm happy?" Ranger asked.

Tank chuckled at him before asking. "Happy, huh?"

"Yeah. Happy. She's amazing. I feel, alive, when I'm with her. She's like an adrenalin rush that never stops."

"Jesus. Next thing you know you're going to be putting a ring on that girl and submitting to lifelong leg shackles," Lester bitched while shaking his head sadly.

"I doubt I'd feel shackled if I married Steph," Ranger told him. The other men stared at him, waiting for him to expand on that thought, but he didn't. His mind had just been blown. Was marriage the next step for them? Was she waiting for a ring? Would she freak out if he bought her one? How the hell would he ask her something like that? What kind of ring does she want?

"You alright, Rangeman?" Tank asked feeling concerned by the looks passing over Ranger's face.

"Do you think she'd say yes?"

"What?" Tank asked feeling his own shock set in.

"Nothing," Ranger said shaking his head. "I'm going to head up for a shower. My office in an hour, it's Halloween." They nodded back, feeling uneasy with the reminder of the date.

"Shit, she's probably going to kiss all his boo boos now," Lester said while still staring at the door.

"You need to quit giving him shit. You're acting like a jealous school girl," Tank laughed at Lester.

Les narrowed his eyes at Tank. It pissed him off that the fucker was more right than he knew. He was jealous of Ranger. It wasn't fair that he found the perfect woman. She was beautiful, fun, and fearless and he had her up in his apartment loving him unconditionally, probably for the rest of his life. It never made Lester feel more alone. He turned on Tank and smiled evilly. "You're going to be proposing to Lula soon, my friend."

"I don't know what I was thinkin' when I made that bet," Tank grumbled.

"You were thinking our fearless leader would never propose," Lester grinned. "You best get yourself a ring too, Big Guy."

"Fuck," Tank muttered as he walked off toward the locker room. They all had a little too much to drink after last year's Halloween fiasco and he'd bet Bobby and Lester that Ranger would never marry Steph, he was so sure he was right that he said if Ranger did it, he'd marry Lula. Christ, he hoped they wouldn't hold him to that. Then again, it was Steph they were talking about. There was still a chance she'd say no.

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Ranger got back upstairs to find Stephanie in the shower. He smiled to himself as he slipped in behind her. He loved the sight of her wet and soapy body. He'd always teased her about being good in the shower, it had been a joke before they were together, but now he knew she was the one that was good in the shower.

"How was your workout?" she asked with a little moan as he slid his hands up and down her body, stopping only to tease her hardened nipples.

"Mm, good, but it seems I still have some energy to burn," he whispered into her ear before allowing his lips to feast on the smooth skin of her neck.

"Good, I'm feeling very energized myself," she purred as she leaned back into him, resting her head on his chest as he continued to nibble and bite that spot where her neck and shoulder met. His hand slipped between her legs, moving over her expertly, teasing her until she was thrashing against him and whimpering.

He just laughed in her ear as he stopped his assault. "Say it, Babe," he demanded.

She growled in frustration, "God, I hate you."

He laughed again. "I know," he whispered. Then he pinched at her clit just enough to make her cry out before he stopped to squeeze her legs again. "Say it."

"No," she growled back at him before pushing him back against the tile wall. She stepped away from him and slid her fingers between her own legs. He laughed again, following her lead he clasped himself in his hand, moving in slow strokes. Her eyes were on him then and he knew he'd won their little game.

"Don't you want me inside of you, Babe?" he asked her. She moaned a little as her fingers swirled over her clit. "I want to be inside you. I want to feel your hot little body squeezing me as I cum," he told her. She groaned again, clearly getting close to orgasm. "Don't you need me to fill you up? To pound into your body until you can't stand?" Her eyes weren't focusing anymore. "Say it, Steph, and it's all yours."

Just as she cried out with her first orgasm she screamed, "Fuck me, Carlos, I need you inside me now." He smiled as he moved with lightning speed, lifting her, pinning her to the wall, and entering her waiting body. She screamed even louder as he made her cum again just by filling her. "Harder," she cried. He obeyed her commands, holding back just enough so he wouldn't hurt her. "No, damn it, Ranger, I want it all. Bury it in me," she screamed at him while she slapped and scratched at his shoulders.

As much as he hated the idea of ever hurting her, he loved that she wanted every inch of him. He pulled back slightly before slamming all the way into her body. He knew he was done, he'd lost all control of himself when he felt himself pounding against her cervix. God, he loved being that deep in her. He loved knowing she craved the pain his cock could cause her. He loved the way she wanted him as badly as he wanted her. He didn't last as long as usual, it was just too intense. As his body tightened and started to pour its seed inside of her, he grabbed her hair and pulled her face back until she was staring into his eyes. "I love you," he groaned out as the climax overtook him.

He felt her clench around him, shaking as he took her along with him. He slumped against her, holding her in place as he caught his breath. "I love you too, Carlos," she whispered to him before tightening her arms around his neck and raining sweet kisses all over his turned face. "There are no words to describe how much I love you."

His lips caught hers then, kissing her lovingly. When he finally pulled out and lowered her to the ground they stayed wrapped around one another, hugging and kissing gently. He knew that this was what he wanted for the rest of his life. He smiled to himself as he thought about Santos' words, shackled indeed, he'd willingly shackle himself to this woman anytime, any day, whenever she wanted.

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Steph had gotten out of the shower before him since she was already finished washing her hair. He smiled as he wrapped a towel around himself. He was wondered if he should do something special for her tonight, it was their two year anniversary after all.

He heard voices in the kitchen, so he didn't stroll out in a towel to join her like he usually did. It was Ella and Steph, using hushed voices. He wasn't normally the nosey type, but the whispers made him curious. He crept to the door to listen in on them.

"Yes dear, everything is set up for your special night."

"Thank you Ella, you're the best."

"No, dear, you're the best. Carlos is so lucky to have found you."

"I'm the lucky one. No one could love me better than Carlos and you know it too," Steph answered with a little laugh.

"Yes, well, that's yet to be seen. He still needs to put a ring on your finger," Ella responded with authority.

"We haven't even talked about that. I don't need a ring to know he loves me."

"Of course you don't need it, but are you telling me you don't want it?"

Ranger stood there waiting, almost anxiously, for the answer. "I only want Carlos, a ring would just be a symbol of his love and I don't _need_ a reminder on my finger when he reminds me every day how special I am." Ranger smiled, that was his girl talking. How the hell did he get that lucky?

"A ring is a symbol of your love, but more than that, it's a promise. A promise to stick together through everything life has to throw at you, not on your own, but as a couple."

"I know Carlos will always be there for me," Steph protested.

"Well, a ring would at least mark you as his to other people. I see men look at you wherever you go," Ella said, clearly with a frown on her face. Ranger felt his eyebrows knit together. Did other men think she was fair game since he hadn't married her yet? In his heart he'd been married to her for years. He figured she felt the same as him.

Steph snorted a laugh. "I think you exaggerate. It's much more the other way around. When we go places women walk into walls when he smiles for goodness sake." Ranger smiled to himself. He knew that women couldn't resist his smile, but for the last five years that smile had only been used on her.

"Well then, maybe he should make the bigger commitment to prove to all those women that he's off the market too," Ella complained. "He'll never do better than you, dear." Ella was right. He would never do better than Steph, she was his light, his love, his life. There was no one else for him. So why the hell hadn't he asked her to marry him?

He walked into the dressing room replaying Ella's words in his head. Steph never said she wanted to marry him, but she didn't deny that she wanted him to ask her either. Maybe it was time.

He heard Steph coming back into the bedroom and it wasn't long until she was behind him, slipping her arms around his waist to give him a squeeze. "Mm, you know this is one of my favorite sights," she purred into his neck before giving him little light kisses up and down his spine.

He couldn't contain the little moan that escaped his lips. He grabbed her hand from his waist and moved it down until it was covering his hard length. "Feel what you do to me, Babe."

It was her that made a little moan noise this time before laughing. "As much as I love the affect I have on you I have to concede. You win. One more time before we go down to work and I won't be able to walk tonight, much less dance," she said against his neck before kissing him softly.

"Does that mean I get to use the cuffs?" he asked with a big smile, he knew she didn't like the reminder of when he'd cuffed her into the car last year, but it amused him.

She slapped his ass playfully, "I thought you didn't need cuffs to enslave a woman?"

He turned and captured her in a deep kiss. She melted against him almost immediately. "Clearly I don't," he teased as he slapped her ass in return.

"No, you don't," she agreed as she pulled him back for another kiss. He started pulling up her tee shirt, figuring she'd give in despite her protests, but she pushed him back, grabbed a pair of cargo pants from the stack on his shelf, and tossed them to him. "Now get some clothes on, we have to get to work. Plus, I'm starving and Ella just dropped off a nice breakfast for us."

He smiled as he watched her swing her ass out of the dressing room. He was a lucky, lucky man.

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Two hours later Stephanie stepped off the elevator onto the fifth floor where she now worked full time for RangeMan. She hummed a happy tune as she thought about the perfect morning she'd just had with the man she loved. She couldn't believe how good life with Ranger really was. She always loved the man she knew before they moved in together, but now she saw a completely different side of him. He was so tender and loving and funny that she had fallen the rest of the way in love with him. She never even knew feelings could go that deep before. She also knew without a doubt in her mind that he'd be the only man she'd ever love again.

She smiled to herself as she thought about the fantastic breakfast they shared when he'd gotten back from the gym this morning. He'd come out of the dressing room looking good enough to eat, but she settled for the waffles topped with whipped cream and strawberries that Ella had brought up instead. He didn't allow her to eat much before she ended up on his lap, cuddled up on the couch, while he teased her lips with the sweetened strawberries in between little, sweet kisses. She returned the favor, feeding him a few pieces of the fruit too while they snuggled and talked about his plans for the day. She never knew love could feel like that, it was heaven. She could definitely spend the rest of her life like that. Yep, life was certainly treating her well, for the most part.

She frowned as the guys' stopped talking or changed their voices to whispers as she walked toward her desk. She felt herself becoming increasingly irritated. Since she came back to work full-time five months ago, some of the guys had been acting really weird. They were still kind to her, like they always had been, but she felt like they treated her differently now. She wondered if they'd lost respect for her now that she was the boss' live in girlfriend and not just an employee. It really pissed her off that they'd think she didn't deserve a job here. She might not have their physical strength, but she could still best them all if she had to. She wondered if it was time to prove that.

"Hey, Beautiful," Lester said grinning at her as she sat at the cubicle next to his.

"Hey, Les," she said back with a little forced smile.

"What's wrong?"

She shrugged then. There was no way she could tell him, he was part of it, maybe the worst offender. Before she started working in the office Lester had been one of her best friends, at least of the guys, but now he acted kind of strangely around her. Even now, when he was enquiring about her mood like a friend should, there was something in his eyes that she didn't understand. She wondered if he resented her because Ranger asked for her help in making company decisions, maybe that's how they all felt. She sighed deeply.

She looked at the stack of searches lying on her desk and nearly groaned. She needed to get out of the office. She got up without acknowledging Lester's calls about the meeting starting in a half hour. She didn't care anymore. She already read the file, she helped Ranger set up the plan, and helped him pick out the team they'd be taking with them tonight. He had more trust in her abilities than they'd ever understand. To them she was just a piece of ass.

She stormed into Hector's tech room and plopped onto the leather couch he kept against the wall. Hector was Ranger's installation expert, tech geek, and computer hacker extraordinaire. He was also dangerously sexy, spoke broken English to only her and a small handful of others he trusted, and was gay, maybe that's why she trusted him, he didn't think with his dick where she was concerned.

They had become very good friends from the moment she'd come back to work in the office full time. He'd taken her under his wing and taught her the finer arts of computer hacking, disabling alarm systems, and the legitimate parts of his job too. She could now install security cameras, listening devices, and alarm systems wherever she wanted without notice. He'd also given her a few self-defense classes and taught her a few tricks with a knife, not that she'd trust herself to actually try those though.

"What up, Chica?" he asked with a thick accent.

"Those assholes need to be taken down a peg," she growled. "Tonight."

Hector smiled back at her. "You ready?" She nodded back. "You got plans and back-up?"

"The girls, it's Halloween, we were planning a night out before this distraction job even came up. So I talked Ranger into allowing them to come into the club with me tonight as part of my cover. I think I can get their help in humiliating the guys in the process," she told him.

He smiled back. "How long that the plan?"

"It's been rattling around in my head since I caught Junior staring down my shirt two days ago," she grumbled. "Fifteen minutes later I saw him handing some cash to Santos. They're betting on me again."

"I hear the book open again," he said shaking his head.

She growled then, she knew 'the book' was open again, but it pissed her off even more to hear it confirmed. Hector had witnessed the idiots placing bets on one of her distraction jobs a few months ago. He said that Santos had a book that he recorded the bets in and collected and distributed the money, the ring leader if you will, but all the other guys bet or knew about the book, even Ranger.

She hated being seen as a joke by the guys. She knew Ranger didn't see her that way himself, but the work she did was clearly still an amusement to him on some level or he wouldn't allow them to bet on her. She was going to confront him about it, but thought revenge was better than crying about it. Revenge had worked on the TPD after all. After she took care of Big Dog and Carl Costanza a couple years ago the betting had all stopped. When she went in there with paperwork now, they all treated her with respect, even Joe Morelli.

She smiled at Hector then. "That evil smile you got, Chica," he said with a laugh.

"I was just thinking about Morelli," she said with a laugh of her own. Her ex-boyfriend learned not to mess with her the hard way, maybe her Rangemen needed a hard lesson too. "Okay, make sure the wires they take tonight are the long range ones. I need them to be able to pick up everything outside and inside the club. Also do you have those teeny tiny undetectable earpieces? I'd like to hear what they're saying this time and I think a few extras for my team might be helpful." She always wondered why Ranger never let her have an ear piece, he'd said he didn't want her getting distracted by their talk, but now she wondered if it was because they were talking shit about her.

"You got it," he grinned then. "Go get 'em, tiger." She laughed at the line he stole from Ranger. If this worked the Rangemen would learn why you didn't mess with a Burg girl. She kissed Hector's cheek and felt a lot better when she left his office.

She shot a text to Ranger telling him that she had to run over to Val's house for an emergency and she'd see him later. Then she sent out text messages to the other girls and told them to get over to Val's ASAP, they had planning to do. Operation Halloween Revenge II, was under way.

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She made a stop at The Tasty Pastry for supplies on her way to Val's. She knew Connie and Lula both thought better with sugar in their systems. She also grabbed some bagels for her and Val, a few muffins for Mary Lou, and some decorated sugar cookies for her niece who would no doubt be planted in front of Dora the Explorer all morning. She grabbed the large box of goodies and the tray of coffee cups, balancing them in one arm while she fought to open the door.

Then the door was pulled open and the coffee tray was lifted from her load. "Morning, Cupcake," Joe Morelli said with a little smile.

"Morning," she smiled back at him. "Thanks for the rescue."

"I'd hate to see you spill, it's been months since I've seen you covered in food or trash," he grinned back at her.

"God, and I was almost happy to see you," she shot back.

"You were?" he asked intrigued by that.

"I said was. I was thinking about calling to see if you wanted to get together for lunch today," she answered. "Clearly I forgot what a pain in the ass you are."

"Awe, come on, Cupcake. You know you still love me," he teased as he followed her out to her new car. He stared at it for a minute before shaking his head. "This is what you're driving now?"

"Carlos bought it for my birthday," she said looking at the car herself. It was a brand new, blue Lexus.

Joe frowned. "It's got a VIN and registration, right?"

She rolled her eyes. "Of course it does. You know he doesn't steal his cars. You're going to have to give that one up," she said with a little laugh.

"Can't blame me for wishing he couldn't afford to buy you a car as a birthday gift," he said opening the passenger door to settle the cup tray securely against the back of the seat.

"Oh, come on. He did it to keep me safe. This car has loads of safety features, trackers, and bullet proof glass and stuff," she tried to explain.

"Stuff?" he asked back, grinning when she made a face.

"It's pretty." She frowned when he laughed.

"Pretty?"

She lifted her chin at him and nodded, "Carlos said that the color reminded him of my eyes."

Joe groaned, they were the color of her eyes when she was really horny, he recognized it, but would never say something like that. "Manoso actually said that?" he asked making a face. She nodded then with a little smile. It was still fun to torture Joe. "So he's actually being good to you and taking care of you?"

"He's very good to me," she agreed.

"But?" he asked hearing her unsaid confession.

"Never mind," she told him. "I'm running late. You want to meet me for lunch or what?"

"Yeah, sure, eleven thirty."

"Great, see you at Pino's," she added. He kissed her forehead before walking back to his SUV with a little smile on his face. He was really hoping Manoso fucked up big this time. He was still waiting for another chance.

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The girls were already congregated around Val's kitchen table when she arrived. She dumped the coffee and bakery goods onto the table and sat in one of the empty chairs.

"So what's up? Problem with girls' night?" Mary asked.

Lula had already opened the box and took out two donuts for herself. "Better not be, I got myself a hot costume for tonight," she said before shoving the treat into her mouth. "Tankie's gonna be purring by the end of the night."

"You got the Catwoman, didn't you?" Connie asked her.

"Damn skippy, and it's hot," Lula agreed. "So this had better be goin' down."

"We're still on. We'll head down to the club, nab the bad guy, and then have the entire night to dance," Steph grinned at them.

"You're sure you're going to be able to get this guy to leave the club with you that quickly?" Val asked looking her up and down like she didn't believe her.

"You ain't seen her in action yet. Your sister's got some moves on her," Lula defended. "How else you think she's been keepin' Batman happy all this time?" Val just rolled her eyes at Lula.

"So what aren't you telling us then?" Mary Lou asked. She knew Steph well enough to know that something else was up.

"Revenge," Steph said with an evil grin.

"Oh, now you're speaking my language," Connie smiled at her. "Who are we going after this year? Your mother?"

Stephanie laughed, "Maybe we can get her next year. Tonight I have ten very bad Rangemen on my list."

"You serious?" Lula asked suddenly getting serious herself.

"Very serious. I've got it all planned out and it's going to work like a charm," she smiled.

"What are you planning?" Connie asked.

"And are they going to kill us?" Val asked next.

"Of course not. They hardly ever kill people," Steph assured her, but Val just gave her a horrified look in return. "They've been betting on me again."

"Oh boy," Connie muttered.

"Mm, you know how that pisses me off," she said. The woman all nodded yes. "Well, they have a bet that Lester coined The Bomber Boner. Every time I work a distraction the guys involved put money down on how long they'll last without getting hard over something I do."

"What?" Mary Lou asked truly confused. "What the hell do you during those jobs?"

"You know, dress like a slut, act like a slut, talk like a slut," she answered with a shrug making Lula howl with laughter.

"And they actually bet on getting a boner?" Connie asked. She couldn't believe men could be so stupid.

"Yeah, once they get a boner they are out of the game, the last man without a boner gets all the cash," Steph grumbled.

"You're telling me that you give them all erections?" Val asked with narrowed eyes.

"Not all of them, but I plan to fix that," Steph said with a little laugh.

"Does Ranger know they're doing this?" Connie asked still feeling a little horrified that they'd bet on something like that.

"Oh, he knows, he's all for their amusement as long as it doesn't threaten the job," she grumbled. "He's even put money in a few times."

"Well, now, that ain't right," Lula bitched. "Tank in on this too?" Steph nodded back at her. "That son of a bitch."

"How'd you find out about this?" Mary Lou asked.

"Hector." The woman all nodded their understanding. Hector wouldn't lie to Steph.

"So what's the plan?" Mary Lou asked, clearly she was on board.

"To make every last one of them lose," she said with another grin. "Collect the money, and prove that I'm real RangeMan material once and for all."

"And what do you want us to do?" Val asked then.

"I need some intel on the team." Steph pulled out the list of names she had stuffed into her bag. "I need to know what they're into." Next she pulled out her laptop. "I've been running a little surveillance on some of the guys for the last couple days, but we're going to have to dig deeper on a few of them."

"Holy shit," Connie whispered as Steph pulled up the programs she used to do background checks at RangeMan.

Stephanie smiled at her. "I thought you might like that. How do you feel about checking their credit card info to see what they've been charging and maybe pull up cable bills to see if they have any interesting pay per view history?" Connie eagerly took the laptop and smiled as she started digging.

"What you need me to do?" Lula asked.

"I need the dirt on Tank. He's won the pot quite a few times. Seems like tight clothes and dirty talk isn't enough for him," Steph answered.

Lula laughed then, she knew that wasn't what got her man and she had a plan to get his ass good. "No problem, what else?"

"Clothes," Steph told her. "I need you to get me something to wear that no one else will be dressed in and that no man can resist, especially Ranger. So make sure it's assy, he loves my ass."

"Shiiit," Lula muttered thinking about that. "I'm on it."

Stephanie turned to her sister and Mary Lou. "I need someone to help me break into a couple of the guys' apartments. They're too smart to leave any kind of paper trail," she said.

Mary Lou smiled back at her and nodded her approval. "No problem."

"What about me?" Val asked, clearly she was still a little uneasy with this whole thing.

Stephanie pulled out a curly, brown wig. "You're going to put this on and drive my car around The Burg. I have a list of errands that need to be done and I know Ranger will have some sort of tail on me today. He never trusts I won't get into trouble on Halloween," she told her sister.

Val shrugged, that didn't seem all that bad. "I'll see if I can drop the baby at Mom's, but I have to be back before the older kids get out of school," she told her. "And I should probably wear your clothes with the wig."

"Agreed," Steph said with a little smile. This was going to be perfect.

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Ranger frowned as he thought about the strange text message he'd gotten from Stephanie right before the meeting. It wasn't like her to blow off a meeting, especially if it concerned a job she was involved in, but then again she had helped him plan this entire take down so it wasn't really necessary that she be there. Tank looked over at him again and made a face. "Why don't you just call to check on her already?" he grumbled.

Ranger felt like rolling his eyes, had he become that obvious? Instead of arguing with Tank, he gave into doing what he had wanted to do since he'd gotten the message. He hit the dial button and waited for her to pick up. "Hey," she mumbled to him.

"Babe, is everything alright?"

"Yeah, sure, I'm good," she said kind of breathlessly.

"You ran out of the building like it was on fire," he reminded her. "You had me worried."

"Oh, sorry. I'm just sitting over at Val's with the girls. We're putting the final touches on the Halloween costumes. I didn't mean to worry you," she told him in a quiet voice.

"Okay. Call me if you need anything," he told her. "I love you."

"I love you too," she answered. He was about to say goodbye when the phone went dead. He shook his head at the odd behavior. She hated when he did that.

Tank's eyes were still on him. "We pulling up her trackers?" he asked knowingly. Ranger nodded back. It wasn't that he didn't trust Steph, but something was certainly up with her and he wanted to make sure she was alright.

He was kind of worried about her anyway. She seemed off the last few weeks. Especially at work. He hoped she hadn't changed her mind about working with him. She'd become more of an asset than he could have imagined. He hoped they could run the company together for the rest of their lives, then hand it over to their children to run. Of course, he hadn't told her about his plans yet, but he would, someday.

"Her purse and car are at Val's house," Tank told him. "Earrings are across town."

Ranger looked at him and frowned. Now he knew something was up. "Drive over to Val's house."

Tank turned the SUV around and headed into Chambersburg. Tank knew something was going to happen today. Those women couldn't get together without shit hitting the fan. He just hoped Ranger managed to figure things out before they got themselves into too much trouble, especially Stephanie. Ranger was practically going crazy during that meeting, he hadn't even argued when Tank climbed into the driver's seat of the truck today. He could only imagine what he'd do if something were to happen to her.

He stopped about a block away from Val's house. They could see Steph's car parked at the front curb behind Lula and Connie's cars. "Looks like they're all there," he said.

Ranger lifted an eyebrow at him. "Looks that way," he muttered back. "Except Mary Lou's minivan isn't here."

"Maybe she got a lift from someone else."

Ranger just narrowed his eyes at the house like he was trying to see inside. Then, like he willed it to happen, the front door opened and three women appeared on the front step. Connie, Lula, and Stephanie walked out toward their cars. "Well, there we go. Nothing to worry about," Tank grinned as he watched Lula spandex clad ass swing toward her car.

Ranger hadn't moved. His eyes still fixed on Stephanie, taking in everything about her. She crawled into the driver's seat of the Lexus and pulled away from the house. Headed toward downtown. Tank waited until Connie and Lula pulled away, watching Lester's SUV following at a safe distance before looking back over at his boss. "You want me to follow or are you good with having Santos on her?"

Ranger's lips pressed together in a tight line. He was sure that wasn't Stephanie, even at a distance he could always sense her and he'd gotten nothing just now. "Pull up her cell," he said quietly before pulling out his own phone. "Santos, stay on Steph. Text me with the location of every stop she makes," he ordered Lester before hanging up and looking over at Tank.

"Shit," he muttered. "The phone is turned off, but her earrings are in motion."

Ranger held out his hand so Tank could hand his iPhone over. Ranger looked at the map and the dot moving through Trenton. "Shit," he grumbled.

"I'm on it," Tank answered back with a sigh. "What are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking Santos is following a decoy," Ranger nearly growled. "And I have no idea why."

"Fuck," Tank grumbled loudly. "You should just tie her to your bed every Halloween. Keep her busy the entire day."

"I'll keep that in mind for next year," Ranger answered.

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Mary Lou pulled away from the house and headed across town to the next stop. "How did you learn how to do all that?" she asked Stephanie.

"Hector," she said with a grin. "Comes in handy, doesn't it?"

Mary Lou laughed. Junior and Zero were roommates and shared the rented house they'd just broken into. Steph was able to disable the alarm system startlingly quickly and then they'd gone on a search of the guys' bedrooms.

Steph was able to get around the laptop passwords by hitting one of the function keys to get it to start in safe mode, of course she only needed safe mode for what they were looking for. The guys had kept the computers pretty clean, but Junior's laptop revealed a few internet searches for some porn sites. Steph took a photo with her phone and sent the web addresses to Connie to look up. Connie had gotten back to them with a text saying she was sent to some sort of dominatrix site, which was all they needed to know.

When they'd gotten into Zero's room Mary Lou looked around like she was at Disneyland. Sure, she'd had a few shower nozzle fantasies about the man over the last year, but she never dreamed this was what his room would look like. Not that she thought about his room, much. She couldn't help it, she'd been with Lenny since high school and only kissed one other guy besides her husband until that night. Zero had been hot and wild and passionate. Not that she'd ever do anything about it, but he'd lit a fire in her that night. She smiled as she thought about Lenny, he'd definitely been reaping the benefits of that kiss for the last year. It's like her sex drive had gone into overdrive.

Steph had gotten into Zero's computer while she was fantasizing about him and his black sheets. Steph barked out a laugh and took some photos of the computer screen. Seems that he'd downloaded a few videos, all woman getting fucked by two men at the same time. Stephanie seemed to think it was really funny. Mary Lou worried that her dreams would now be haunted by the idea of Zero joining her and Lenny on those black sheets.

Then they were off to Woody's apartment. That had taken even less time, they immediately found his iPad lying on his bedside table. When she turned it on, it opened to a porn site featuring videos of lesbians performing some very thorough oral on one another. Steph turned her phone on long enough to snap some photos, then turned it back off. She didn't want the phone to ring again like it had while they were in Junior and Zero's house.

Mary Lou wondered if all men were porn crazed like these were. Then she wondered if she was any better, she'd found some of it pretty hot. "This the last one?" she asked as they pulled up to a condo parking lot.

Steph nodded back to her, "Yep, and the one I think I'll have the most trouble finding any dirt on. He brings his laptop to work with him every day so I doubt we'll find another at home. We're going to have to snoop through his things."

"Shit," Mary Lou said looking at the large condo building they were standing in front of. "He's at work, right?"

"Mm hmm, he'll be there all day. I pulled the schedule," Steph assured her. "Besides, Bobby would never hurt a woman. He'd just haul us back to Ranger." Mary Lou thought that might have been a worse punishment, but then she wasn't the one living with the guy. He still made her almost pee her pants half the time.

They took the elevator up to the sixth floor and walked over to the door. Steph pulled out her tool kit and had both the lock and the deadbolt flipped in less than a minute, not Ranger speed, but pretty frickin good in her book. As soon as they were inside, she put the electronic device up to the unit and entered the code that would disconnected the alarm from RangeMan's system. Then she turned the unit off before the alarm could sound.

They walked around the condo, not touching anything, but looking at everything. They needed something on him. Steph snuck into the bedroom and opened the closet. There was a brown box in the corner. She flashed her penlight into it and smiled. He had a big box of porn. She picked up the DVD on top and laughed at the title, Take It in the Ass. Yikes. She pulled out a couple more and looked them over. He had Buns of Anarchy, Backdoor Banging, Banging the Boss 2, and Between the Cheeks. "Oh. My. God," Stephanie muttered.

Mary Lou looked at the titles and laughed, "That's a lot of butt stuff." Stephanie handed them to Mary Lou so she could take photos of them before she tossed the DVD's back into the box and shut the closet door.

"Let's get out of here," she muttered to Mary Lou.

Steph hit a reboot on the alarm system and relocked the door behind them. She tried to get the DVD case photos out of her head, but they wouldn't go away. She guessed she got what she had coming to her by looking through his private things, but how the heck was she going to look him in the face again. God.

Steph turned on her phone and checked her messages. She answered Connie's text with one of her own, they'd get back together at one at Mary Lou's house. Then she let Val and Lula know the same thing. "Drop me at Pino's. Val's on her way there with my car," Steph told Mary Lou after reading the response from her sister.

"You want to do lunch?" Mary Lou asked her.

"I'm meeting Morelli," Steph told her.

"Morelli? Why the hell are you doing that?"

Steph sighed, "Because we're still friends. I told you that."

"You think you're still friends. He thinks he's going to get back into your pants."

"No he doesn't," Steph argued.

"Whatever," Mary Lou answered knowing she was right, but also knowing Steph would have to figure that one out on her own.

They pulled into the lot and saw her car parked along the side the building. Val waved and pulled off the wig. She got out of the car and headed over to them. She handed the purse and car keys back to her sister. "I got everything picked up. The costumes are in the trunk," she said with a grin. "The guys are going to look so sexy I don't know if I'll be able to take my eyes off them."

Stephanie laughed then, she'd had the same thought about those outfits, but she had to pick things they could wear while carrying their guns either concealed or as part of their costume. "Thanks, Val. I'll see you later," she told her with a little hug. Val smiled and climbed into Mary Lou's minivan.

Stephanie was just heading for the front door when she spotted Morelli's SUV pulling in. She waited for him to join her. He smiled and slung an arm around her shoulder before pulling her inside with him.

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Tank pulled the SUV to the side of the road when he saw the girls pull into Pino's. They'd been led on a wild goose chase for over an hour. It had taken them twenty minutes to get across town with traffic, by the time they were close Steph's trackers were moving again. The opposite direction. They turned and tried to follow, but lost them in traffic again, with the same results. By the time they'd gotten a third location and started across town they noticed they were in motion again. Then the trackers suddenly showed the girls heading straight toward them, so they swung a U-turn and followed them here.

They saw Stephanie's car parked alongside the building. Tank laughed when Val pulled off the wig and shook out her short blonde hair. Who would have thought they'd look so much alike with the same hair. They made the trade, Steph took her purse and keys back and Val hopped into Mary Lou's van. He had expected Stephanie to get back in her own car, but instead she headed for the restaurant.

Ranger made a loud growling noise that caused Tank to pull his gun and look back out the window. Instantly his eyes landed on Morelli parking his SUV. Stephanie stood on the sidewalk and smiled at him like she had been waiting for him to arrive. Morelli said something to her and smiled. The next thing they knew he put an arm around her and pulled her into the restaurant.

Ranger didn't know what the hell she was doing with Morelli, but it couldn't be as bad as it looked. She had her trackers back and her phone turned on. It wasn't like she was trying to hide this. They were friends. Friends had lunch. Hell, she'd had lunch with Morelli more than a few times over the last year, that wasn't a secret. He didn't know why this was bothering him so much. Maybe it was because he never saw it before. He never saw the smiles they shared or the way Morelli put his hands on her. Christ, he wanted to break his hands.

He knew he didn't have anything to be jealous about, she'd never cheat on him. She loved him, not Joe Morelli. He knew that. She knew that. There was nothing to worry about. He felt like he was being a fool, but he stayed anyway.

Seventy-five minutes later they came out of the building, both smiling and laughing. Stephanie said something and Joe shook his head yes. Then he kissed the top of her head and walked back toward his SUV. Stephanie walked over to her own car and crawled inside. Clearly nothing weird was happening between them so why did he feel so strange watching it?

They followed Stephanie back to Mary Lou's house without discussion. Ranger knew Morelli still had feelings for Steph, how couldn't he? She was perfect and any man would be crazy to not want her. He imagined Joe Morelli felt like the fool of the century for letting her go. He'd never make the same mistake Morelli had.

He had always known that if he were to spend his life with a woman it would be Steph, but over the last two years that had become a definite. He knew that he would spend his life with her. He finally made his decision. He was going to do it.

"Head home," Ranger told Tank, who headed back to RangeMan.

"Santos is still on her, she'll be fine," Tank agreed. "I'm interested to see what they're up to though. It should be good."

Ranger laughed, "No doubt." He thought about his crazy woman all the way back to his building. When they got back instead of going upstairs to work, he hopped into his Turbo and tore out of the garage. He had things to do.

Tank shook his head and muttered to himself. He knew exactly where Ranger was headed and he figured it would only lead him one spot, down the damn aisle.

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Steph followed Morelli into the restaurant, where they ordered their usual pair of meatballs subs and cokes with a basket of fries to split. Once they were settled into a booth together Joe smiled.

"What?" she asked almost afraid to know what that grin was about.

"I'm interested in hearing what Mr. Perfect did wrong this time?" Steph rolled her eyes. Morelli had been beyond amused the last time she and Ranger had a disagreement about him handcuffing her into his truck, but they made up and had come out stronger because of that disagreement. Steph really hoped that he'd learn a little lesson this time too. "Come on, what are you fighting about?"

"We're not fighting," she answered.

His eyebrows knit together like he was trying to figure out what was happening. "Then what's up?"

"Okay, you swear not to mention this to anyone?" she asked. "Ever?"

"Sure," he agreed with a smile. He loved that he was getting somewhere now.

"You can't tell or I'll kill you," she warned.

"Wow, you really are a RangeMan employee, aren't you?" he teased.

She rolled her eyes again. He really was a pain in the ass, but he was one of the only male friends she could trust with this, since he wasn't in on the betting. "Fine," she grumbled. "I'm pissed because the guys are betting on me again."

"Costanza?" Joe asked. He was surprised he hadn't heard about it at the station.

"No, not your guys. His guys," she hissed. "I'm a big joke at RangeMan apparently."

"Manoso knows about this?" he asked really surprised now. Those guys all acted like Steph hung the moon. He couldn't imagine that they'd disrespect her that way, especially Ranger.

"Oh, he knows," she growled back. "Not only that, I have it on good authority that he's placed a few bets of his own."

Joe shook his head, he never took Manoso for an idiot before. He learned his lessons the hard way, being assaulted and vandalized straightened his opinion on how Stephanie should be treated. He supposed it was something Manoso would have to learn too. Joe just wondered if this would be enough to give him an opening with her. "So what are you going to do about it?"

She smiled. "Oh, I have a little something up my sleeve."

"Come on, Cupcake, you have to give me something here," he complained. "They all had a good laugh at me a couple years ago."

She grinned then, that was true. "Fine, but remember you swore not to say a word to anyone, right?"

He crossed his heart with his pointer finger before lifting his hand and holding out his pinky. He knew Steph took her pinky swears seriously. He also knew if she didn't tell him what she was planning he'd die of curiosity. "Promise," he whispered to her.

"Fine," she whispered back leaning over the table toward him, so he leaned in too, bringing his face a few inches from hers. He inhaled and felt himself get hard just from the scent of her hair. He knew there was something wrong with him, but it had been a while since he had any woman and no one could hold a candle to his Cupcake. "We got some information on the location of someone on the FBI list so we're going after him tonight. Normal distraction job, you know, but it turns out they have a special betting game they play during the distractions."

She made a sour face that made Joe smile. "What's the game?"

"They all put some money in the pot before the job and once it starts, well, um…" she hesitated with the rest, it was really embarrassing.

"Come on, how bad can it be?" he asked her. She made another face, so he took her hand in his. "We've been through about everything there is, Steph. I'm not going to judge you now."

She sighed then. "Fine. They bet on me giving them erections. If I do something that causes them to get hard they are out of the game. The guys still in the game at the end of the night split the pot," she told him with a deep, red blush.

He smiled as he tried to hold back his laugh. Hell, he'd already be out. "And Manoso allows his men put money on whether or not you'll get them turned on?" She nodded yes. "I can't believe I'm going to say this, but I understand why you're so upset. That's kind of sick, but on the other hand it's kind of brilliant."

"What?" she grumbled at him. Stupid man.

"Come on, Cupcake, there isn't a man in Trenton that hasn't pitched a tent over you and you know it."

Her mouth dropped open as she stared back at him. "That's not true."

"Steph, you're sexy as hell just sitting here. Once you turn it on no one is immune," he told her.

"I hope you're right," she muttered.

"Why?"

"I plan to make them all lose tonight," she grinned.

He laughed hard and loud. "What's the plan?"

"To make them all practically jizz in their pants, make Ranger foam at the mouth a little, and prove I'm a better RangeMan then they are," she said thrusting out her chin bravely. She could take them down.

"Christ, I'd pay money to watch that," he laughed in return. She just shook her head at him. "You know, this may make me the only guy in your life that's never bet on you."

"Why didn't you?"

"Because they bet on shit that could have killed you." She nodded her understanding. Joe would never bet on her life. For all his faults he did care about her safety when they were together. "They're not being thoughtless, Steph. This kind of bet isn't the same thing. None of them would bet on your life either."

"Would you bet on…this?"

He looked at her then and let the grin spread across his face. "Nope," he answered. She smiled back at him happily, until he spoke again. "I'd definitely lose my money."

She rolled her eyes again, men were all pigs. "You want to help me with this?" she asked sweetly.

He laughed then. "How?"

"Come into the club, dressed in costume, but you can't look like a cop," she warned.

"Got it. And?"

"I'll text you the details, but essentially you'll come hit on me and play along with whatever I say," she said. He thought that sounded like it had possibilities. "It'll probably irritate Ranger too."

"In that case, I'm in."

He figured this was it. She was finally letting him back in. "Good. I'll see you at Club Wet at nine."

"It's a date."

"It's not a date, Morelli. It's better, it's revenge," she told him. He just smiled at her, in Steph's mind that was probably true. She was not the average Burg girl.

They finished up their meal and Joe walked her outside. She promised to call him later with the details, so he kissed her head, and they parted more friends than they had been in a long time. At least in his mind.

Steph, on the other hand, couldn't have been happier to add his name to the list of men that needed to be put in his place tonight. Clearly he thought they still had possibilities. She hoped that he had put that behind them and they could move forward. But they certainly couldn't if he thought she'd end up in bed with him again. No way was that happening.

She let herself into Mary Lou's house with a little knock on the front door. The only person missing was Lula, who probably got sidetracked while on her mission.

"Hey, Steph," Connie grinned. "Mary Lou filled me in on your finds. I have a few hits for you here too. I pulled up Cal's credit card information. Looks like he's been calling a nine hundred number."

Stephanie kicked off her shoes and curled up on the couch. "Did you call it?" she asked.

Connie laughed then. "Of course. I used Vinnie's card." They all laughed, he'd never notice another perverted phone charge. "Nothing weird, just good old dirty talk."

"What's this about dirty talk?" Lula asked coming through the front door with some packages.

"Cal's been calling a dirty talk chat line," Mary Lou told her.

"Hunh, I always thought I could do that for a second job," Lula told her. She looked Steph up and down and smiled. "You know how to dirty talk?"

"Of course I do," she grumbled back.

"I'm not talking vanilla here. You need to be down and dirty and hardcore. Can you do that?"

Steph glared back at Lula. "Yep."

"Good enough to get him off?"

"Good enough to get Ranger off," she grumbled. As soon as she said it, she knew she shouldn't have.

The girls went crazy. "Batman's into dirty talk?" Lula asked clearly intrigued.

"What do you say to him?" Mary Lou asked then.

"Does he dirty talk back?" Connie asked.

Steph sighed, she knew there was no way around answering. "Yes, he loves dirty talk. It's practically a requirement. He makes me use filthy language and describe what I want before he'll give it to me."

"Fuckin' A," Lula laughed. "He make you beg for it?"

Steph put one of the throw pillows over her face and groaned. "Yes, I have to beg him sometimes. Sometimes I have to order him. Sometimes I even have to direct him."

"Holy shit," Mary Lou sighed as she sat down next to Steph and pulled the pillow away. "I would have thought he was strictly dominant. I mean, look at that man." The other women nodded as they thought about that.

"What do you mean beg him for it?" Val asked.

Stephanie's face turned bright red. "You can't be blushing with us when you need to talk like a ho in front of all the men in a few hours," Lula reprimanded her. "Answer your sister, in detail."

Connie and Lula fist bumped and laughed. Steph sighed, "You know, beg him for my orgasm." Val just looked at her blankly. "God, seriously?" She couldn't believe Val was this clueless, she'd been married twice and had four children. "You know, sometimes he'll kiss down my body, but purposely avoids the hot spot until I demand he puts his mouth on me. Or sometimes he puts his tongue inside me, but avoids my clit until I'm screaming at him to make me cum. Or sometimes he'll just rub his fingers around my opening until I'm screaming for him to put his fingers inside me. Or he'll rub his penis on my ass, but refuse to put it in me until I'm sobbing and crying for it, because I need it so badly."

"Holy hot flash," Connie groaned as she fanned herself.

Lula just nodded her agreement with a big smile. "That's what I'm talking about, but you're going to have to use your naughty words and more details with the guys."

"God," Steph groaned as she wondered if it was worth it.

"He gives you orgasms during sex?" Val asked again.

Stephanie looked at her like she was crazy now. "Of course he does. Why would I do it with him if he didn't?" Val just shrugged at her. "Ranger's like the god of orgasms, it's usually constant. He knows exactly what to do and where to touch me. I told you, he's like magic."

"And he could have been my husband if you wouldn't have been so greedy," Val complained.

"We're not even going to discuss that again," Steph bitched back. Her sister really needed to let that go.

"Wait, doesn't Albert get you off?" Mary Lou asked her.

Val blushed then. "Albert's done before I'm even started."

"You got you some personal appliances?" Lula asked her. "It ain't healthy for a woman not to have an orgasm every day."

"Every day?" Val asked like Lula was out of her mind. The other women all nodded their agreement. "Shit."

"I'm not one for adultery, but I feel like we need to get you properly laid," Connie said shaking her head sadly.

"One night with a real lover would do you good," Lula agreed.

"I don't know. I don't think that's a good idea. The first time I was with Ranger it was really hard to go back to Joe. He totally ruined me for all other men, what if that happened to Val?" Steph argued. "Plus, I was going back to Joe, he knew how to work things down there. How could she go back to Albert, his two minute sex, and farting?"

"I agree with Steph," Mary Lou said. "You just need to get some gadgets and teach Albert how to use them on you."

"Or have Batman give him some oral lessons," Lula said with a laugh.

"Don't you dare say that to Ranger," Steph warned.

"We'll go down to the The Pleasure Treasures tomorrow and get you some goodies, honey," Connie told Val.

"Fantastic," Steph muttered as she imagined she'd probably get blamed for that trip somehow. Her mother would be calling her by dinner. "So what else do we have on the guys? We need to have a plan."

"Well, we got the goods on Bobby, Junior, and Zero while we were out," Mary Lou said looking at the list. "You just need to figure out how to use it."

"So what were they into?" Lula asked.

Connie pulled up the website and showed it to the girls. "Junior is all about being dominated by a woman, this shit kind of looks painful." The girls looked at the photos and made a few faces.

"I'm going to need some terminology lessons," Steph said thinking about it.

"No problem," Lula said. "I got your ass covered on that one. Plus, you said that Ranger has you ordering and directing him, right? That's half the draw for these guys. You just have to be confident and in charge."

"So how are you going to work being a dominatrix into the night?" Connie asked.

"You haven't seen the costume I bought her skinny ass yet," Lula laughed as she pulled out a one piece red, leather bodysuit. It was a corset style with a lace up back. Then she pulled out some tall, red, high heel boots. Stephanie loved the boots and made a little 'Oh' sound in approval. Then she pulled out a sparkly red, mini pitch fork. "This here is perfect, it doubles as a crop."

"Like a riding crop?" Steph asked picking it up.

"Yes, you can spank him with it or slap his nipples or balls or dick. Men love that shit," Lula answered.

"I'm not going to use it on Junior, Christ, I don't want him getting the wrong idea. I don't want to do it with him," Stephanie protested.

"Then use it on someone else," she answered. "He just needs to think about you using it on him, like a fantasy."

Mary Lou took the crop and lightly smacked Steph's nipple with it. "How was that?"

"God, what's wrong with you," Stephanie yelled at her and took it back. "Fine. I think I know how to incorporate that. I'll use it on someone else." Mary Lou laughed. "Maybe you."

"Oh, come on, Steph. It wasn't that bad," she said still laughing.

"What was Zero into?" Val asked bringing them back to the plan.

"Threesomes," Mary Lou answered. "Dirty, two guys on a girl stuff too, not just the lesbian stuff."

Connie lifted an eyebrow at her then. "Making plans Mary Lou?"

"What? No," she said with a blush tinting her cheeks. Though she might go along to the Pleasure Treasures tomorrow too, she could use a new dildo.

Steph opened up the photos on her phone and showed the girls what they had found. Val spent some time studying the photos before giving the phone to Connie. "That is pretty dirty," Connie agreed.

"So did you know about Bobby being all about butt stuff?" Steph asked. Connie and Bobby had been seeing one another for the last couple years, okay, they got together for sex occasionally. Steph thought that was all either of them could commit to.

Connie smiled at her and wiggled her eyebrows. "Of course I did, but I feel like that's something he has to earn."

"Did you ever have butt sex?" Val asked her.

Connie just laughed. "He may have earned it once or twice."

"I don't let Lenny in the backdoor," Mary Lou added. "I thought about getting a tattoo that says exit only above there."

"It can feel good if they take their time and know what they're doing," Lula argued. "I've been telling Steph that for years." Stephanie blushed and grabbed her phone back from Connie quietly. Lula noticed her blush and her strange expression. "What was that?"

"What?" Steph asked.

Lula looked at her and smiled. "You tried it, didn't you?"

"What?"

"What you mean, what? Butt stuff," Lula grumbled at her. "You let Batman in the backdoor, didn't you?"

"Shh," Stephanie grumbled. She shook her head, she wasn't sure why she was horrified about someone hearing that, but boy oh boy, that was not something that needed to be around The Burg.

"Don't you shh me," Lula complained. "You better get over your little embarrassment issues because you're going to have to talk about taking it up the butt to get Bobby going and you know it."

"Fine," she agreed. "We may have done it a few times."

"And?" Val asked with raised eyebrows.

"Yeah, did it hurt?" Mary Lou asked.

"No, it didn't hurt," Stephanie sighed. "Ranger wouldn't do something that would hurt me." Val opened her mouth to ask another question, but Steph cut her off. "We're moving on."

Val pouted a little, she was wondering how a man Ranger's size could make it not hurt. She's looked at his package just as well as Grandma Mazur has, it was large.

Mary Lou made a mental note to get more details later. She'd been fantasizing a little too hard about taking two penises at the same time. Those fantasies included some butt stuff.

Connie just laughed as she watched the other women, thinking what silly bitches they were to not use it to get the things they wanted. She figured Steph was the only smart one in the bunch. Since she still thought Ranger gave her that Porsche Boxster in exchange for butt stuff. Ranger wasn't an idiot, the man had to have expectations.

"So what about Hal?" Lula asked looking at the list.

"Hal's easy," Steph answered. "I think flashing some ass or boob in his direction will be enough."

The girls all laughed. Hal was adorable when he blushed. "What about Lester? What's he into?" Val asked, clearly interested in the answer. Lula laughed, she knew what was going on there. That girl had been panting after him ever since she grabbed his penis last year.

"Lester?" Steph asked with a little laugh. "I imagine Lester's into whatever is offered his way. He won't be a problem. I'll just grind on his junk or something."

"What happened to the no touching policy you had with Junior?" Val grumbled at her.

"Lester is a different story," Steph said. "We're too close for plain, old dirty talk to work. I think I really need to give him something to think about."

"That man is hot," Mary Lou said thinking about it. "Not Ranger hot, but hot." Steph nodded her head in agreement, he was, and the problem was he knew it. "You ever think about doing him and Ranger together?"

"What?" Steph asked. "No. Gross. They're related, you know?"

"Oh," Mary Lou sighed. "Who would you double dip with then?"

Stephanie was sure they all had some sort of adult attention disorder or something, none of them could stay on task. Clearly their minds were wandering. "No one."

"You never even thought about it? Ever?" Connie asked with a little knowing smile.

Stephanie growled, "Bitch. I told you that in secret."

"There are no secrets here," Lula answered. "Who you thinking about doing?"

"No one, anymore. That was years ago," she assured them. "I was having a Ranger and Morelli dilemma at the time."

"Hot damn," Lula laughed. "Officer Hottie on one end and Batman on the other."

"Oh my god, that would have been hot. Imagine that. They'd probably pull out all of the stops trying to do better than the other guy," Mary Lou moaned.

"Can we move on?" Steph complained again. "I'm not having sex with Joe and Carlos, for fuck's sake. Carlos doesn't share, period."

"That's cause he don't need no back-up," Lula laughed.

"No he doesn't," Steph agreed. "Now, your turn. How do I get Tank hot and bothered?"

"Tankie?" Lula laughed. "He likes to get rough sometimes."

"How rough are we talking?" Steph asked hoping it wasn't something too nasty.

"Not like that," Lula said reading the look on her face. "He likes to watch UFC fighting, blood is better than porn with him. He loves when I pull out some of my wrestling moves on him too."

"I'm not wrestling Tank," she sighed.

"No, not Tank. You beat the shit out of the nasty bastard you're arresting. Make him bleed and Tank won't be able to resist you," she said with a satisfied grin.

"That's it?"

"Finish it with a hair flip, a flirty smile in his direction, and adjust your boobs so his eyes go there. The man loves boobs."

"Huh," Steph shrugged. "You swear?" Lula nodded yes. "Sounds good."

"What about Ranger? How're you going to get him erect?" Mary Lou smiled.

"Erect sounds so dirty," Val said scrunching up her nose.

"You don't want to think about Ranger all naked, with his big, throbbing, erect manhood ready to make magic?" Mary Lou teased. Val's mouth fell open, doing a good fish impersonation.

"You need to cut back on the romance novels," Steph told her. "And stop talking about my man's junk, you're worse than Grandma."

"You didn't answer the question, though," Connie reminded her. "How're you going to get Ranger _erect_?"

"Are you serious?" Steph said making a face. "I can get him hard in under ten seconds."

"Maybe we should start our own betting pool here? How long is it gonna take to get them out of the game?" Lula asked with a little laugh.

"No, no betting," Steph grumbled. "Who else is on the list?"

"Just Binkie and Woody," Val said looking at the paper. "You have something on them?"

"Of course I do," she said with a little smile. "I put a bug in Binkie's car a few days ago."

"His car? What can you hear in a car?" Val grumbled.

Stephanie rolled her eyes and rethought her stance on getting her sister properly laid. This was getting a little sad. "He lives at RangeMan. I couldn't just break into his apartment for one thing. The other, if he can't bring girls into his apartment it stands to reason that he'd try to have sex in his car, right?"

"Right," Mary Lou agreed. "So what did you hear?"

"He's been seeing this girl, a few times this week. She's keeps refusing to do anything in his car and I think he's getting frustrated. He was practically begging for a blow job, twice," Steph said with a happy little smile on her face.

"And you can use that?" Val asked her.

"Oh definitely," Steph answered. "I'll just let him overhear me offering to do Ranger in the car, again."

The girls all laughed, except Val. "You had sex in a car? Isn't that dangerous? Someone could see you."

Steph rolled her eyes at her sister, definitely pathetic. "Are you serious? That's half the fun. One time Ranger and I pulled into an alley and did it in his Turbo, in the middle of the afternoon, a few blocks from the police station, while I was still with Joe and he was working, and I had to leave the door open cause there was nowhere to put my leg while I rode him."

"And all that made it better?" Val asked with big eyes.

"The threat of getting caught is a huge turn on," Connie agreed.

"So is getting caught. I like getting watched," Lula countered.

Val made another horrified looking face and went back to looking at the list. "What about Woody?"

"Into lesbian porn," Steph told her. "So…" She looked around at her friends.

"Oh, hell no, I don't do girls," Lula told her.

"I'll do it," Mary Lou said. "We're just talking kissing right, maybe a little touching?"

"Yeah," Steph agreed. "And dirty talk."

"I can do that," she agreed.

"Great," Steph said looking at the notes she'd taken. "So I have a plan to get all their attention. You'll all meet at the club and I'll ride over with Ranger and join you about a half hour later. I talked to Hector about getting some extra ear pieces so you can hear the guys, but you can't react to anything happening or this won't work." The girls agreed. "I'll have him bring everything to Connie's house. She can get you wired." She shrugged then. "Mary Lou, let's get the making out done as soon as I get there. We can kiss and go to the ladies room, let them overhear us talking, but not be able to see what we're actually doing. I think that'll drive them crazy."

"Cool," Mary Lou agreed excitedly. She was looking forward to making a few of those young, hotties harder than rock.

"Good. I should get going. I'll get Connie all the information before five. I need to type up my report so I can give it to the boss at the end of the night," Stephanie told her friends before saying goodbye.

She drove back to RangeMan and parked in her normal spot by the door. She finger waved to the boys on the monitors before getting the men's costumes out of her trunk. She hauled them up to the sixth floor for Ella. Ella'd get the guys ready for tonight.

As Steph took the elevator from six up to their apartment on seven, with Ranger's costume in her hands, she smiled. She couldn't help thinking about Ranger. He was going to look absolutely yummy in his costume for sure. She actually couldn't wait to get him home and peel it off of him tonight. Then she rethought that, she wondered if they could take the Ducati out for a ride. They'd never had sex on a motorcycle before. She laughed to herself, maybe she was the one that was a pervert, not him.

She went into the dressing room and changed out of Val's jeans and tee shirt. They weren't exactly the same size, so Val's pants had been belted tightly around her to hold them up while Val felt like her hips were going to pop the seams on Steph's cargo pants. Luckily their shirt sizes were the same.

She took her phone into the home office. She opened up the new report screen and started to fill in all the information that she had. She was going to turn this mission into her boss as an official RangeMan document and prove she could take down his top guys without their knowledge.

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Ranger had joined Stephanie at home after his impromptu trip to Philly this afternoon. She had a romantic dinner set up in the dining room, with candles lit and jazz music playing. She was dressed in a little black, barely there dress that made her look like sex on legs. They'd eaten most of their food before he pulled her out of her chair and kissed her.

He pushed his dinner away and sat her on the edge of the table, then he yanked her panties off. He spread her legs and looked at how beautiful her sex was. He slowly ran a finger up and down her slit until she threw her head back and sighed. He smiled to himself then, he loved watching her pleasure more than anything. He moved her legs over his shoulders as he started to kiss up her thighs. Her breathing was ragged and he knew she was almost there even though he hadn't touched her properly yet. He kissed her sweet, damp lips before spreading them and sucking her clit into his mouth. His fingers plunged inside of her at the same time, making her scream for more.

He was fully immersed in the taste, feel, and scent of her body. He loved doing this with her, but he could hardly control his own needs at that point. He needed to be inside of her. He pulled open his pants and freed himself. Then he pulled her onto his lap and impaled her on his cock. She screamed again at his sudden, forceful entrance, but she wasn't complaining. She locked her arms around his shoulders, letting her fingers dig into his hair as she leaned into him and kissed his mouth deeply, groaning as she tasted herself on his tongue. She moved down, sucking on the sensitive skin of his neck while her hips magically moved up and down his length. After they came together in a string of moans and cries, he held her against him. Just treasuring the time they still had before they needed to leave for the job.

She kissed his lips and smiled at him before whispering, "This is been the most amazing two years of my life. I love you so much, Carlos."

"I love you too, Babe. Thank you for the anniversary dinner," he whispered back before carrying her into the bathroom to get ready to go.

After he was showered she tossed him out of the room and told him to get his costume on. Apparently her costume was still a surprise. He didn't want to ruin anything for her so he obliged, taking himself into the dressing room to dry off and slip into the clothes she'd left him.

He laughed when he opened the bag. She had added a pair of his jeans, ones that were her favorite. She said they were soft to the touch and fit him like a glove in all the right spots. There was also a plain white tee shirt that ended up fitting rather tightly. He figured that was on purpose too, she loved to look at his arms in a tee shirt. Then there was a leather bomber jacket with Navy and Top Gun patches adorning it and black leather boots. He shook his head as he picked up his aviator sunglasses and dog tags. Looked like he was going as Maverick tonight.

Even though he was dressed like a Navy wannabe he couldn't complain too much, she'd given him enough cover to add a couple guns and a knife to his outfit. Even if they were seen it could still look like part of the costume.

He waited patiently for his woman to come out and wasn't disappointed when she did. Holy shit. She was dressed in some sort of red, leather thing that looked more like naughty lingerie than a Halloween costume. She had these red, leather boots that hugged her calves and must have had a four inch heel on them. She smiled then and shook her hair a little. His eyes landed on the little red, sparkly devil horns that peeked out of the perfectly styled curls. Her make-up was perfect too, not too much, just some blush and red lipstick and these glittery little stones near her eyes.

He struggled to gain control of himself. How was it even possible after such intense lovemaking just a short time ago that the mere site of her standing in front of him could make him rock hard? Maybe it was the combination of how those boots and that little get up made her legs look a mile long? God, how he loved her legs, so smooth and strong when they wrapped around him. Maybe it was the way that leather outfit fit her body, molding to her curves, accentuating her rounded hips, thrusting her breasts upward toward the low neckline until they looked like they may spill out? Or maybe it was the way the back was cut, so that it left the rounded bottom of her perfect ass exposed?

Her face was tinted pink, her eyes pools of sapphire blue, the color they turn when she's thinking about fucking him, and still she didn't know the affect she had on men, especially on him. "Do I look okay?" she asked in an innocent voice like she really didn't know.

He moved toward her then, moving her toward the wall until his body was pressed firmly to hers. "You look beautiful, sexy, amazing…" he whispered as he let the list trail off so he could press his lips to hers. She grabbed him then, pulling him closer so she could press her hips into his as she kissed him back.

He broke the kiss, leaning away from her. "Babe, we're never going to get this job done tonight."

"We have to finish this job if you have any hopes of getting me out of this thing," she answered with a giggle. His eyes moved back over her breasts. "Come on, I promise to behave, Boss."

"I'm not making any promises," he growled as he followed her across the room. He knew she was right though. They wouldn't get another chance to grab this asshole.

It was an FBI file with a big payout. Jacob Bikowski was wanted on multiple charges including rape, sexual assault with a deadly weapon, attempted murder, and murder. The guy's been like smoke, they haven't even been able to get eyes on him before. They finally got some intel that he's been following his brother, who was a DJ, to his gigs around Newark and Philly to pick up women at the shows. Finally they got ahead of him. The brother has a gig in Trenton tonight so this will be the easiest place to grab him. Plus, it was always easier to deal with the cops he knew, versus the ones that considered them outsiders.

Steph and he had planned the usual. She'd come on to Bikowski and bring him outside where the team would be waiting to grab him. The thing that worried Ranger, though, is that the club is large. They'd have to have a full crew on this one tonight. Junior would be at the door and Woody would be behind the bar. Lester, Zero, and he would be on the inside keeping eyes on her since there are multiple fire doors, halls, and restrooms that they can't secure. On the outside they'd have two men in the front of the building in case things went to hell, plus the full take down crew in the back since she would get him out the backdoor.

He knew he shouldn't worry about her, she'd been doing this a long time and was very professional, but he couldn't help it. He loved her too much not to worry. This guy was bad news, he gets women alone and he doesn't care if they're willing or not. He's beaten most of the women he's attacked so it looked like his weapon of choice was his fist, but they were still considering him armed. He wasn't taking any chances, especially since he's cut up a few girls with a large knife.

"Babe, be careful tonight," he told her as he pulled her back against his chest and held her close.

"I will," she whispered back to him.

"Don't do anything crazy," he warned.

She giggled and snuggled into him. "I won't."

He couldn't help but smile at her. "You'll do great. If you don't play hard to get in the bar, he won't get physical immediately. Go along willingly with what he wants until you get him out the door. Tank will be right there with the team before he can touch you." He said it more to reassure himself than her, she'd be fine.

"I trust you all to keep me safe," she told him. "I love you Carlos, more than I ever tell you."

"I know you do, Babe. I love you too. You're my life, Steph," he told her in return. He kissed her sweet lips until she purred at him. "Now we better go before I try to make love to you again."

He wanted to tell her everything he'd been thinking about. He almost did it at dinner, then again on the way to the elevator, but they were on their way to a job. He didn't want her distracted going into a dangerous situation. She needed a clear head tonight. He'd talk to her about it later, tomorrow at the latest. He just needed to control himself a little. Still, he was excited and a little anxious to see her reaction. And dang it, he knew he'd never make it to tomorrow.

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When they entered the parking garage together Ranger noticed most of the vehicles had already left for the club. The guys inside would be planted well before they arrived. Cal and Hal were just loading into the last SUV. As soon as she stepped out of the elevator the conversation stopped between them. He saw the guys looking at her. He knew by their faces that there would be a good exchange of money tonight.

Ranger knew that Steph was aware that the guys bet on when she'd blow up one of his cars, but he didn't know she knew about the other bets. Tonight's bet wasn't anything new to them. There were open betting books on a lot of the jobs they did, but the distraction jobs Steph worked had a book of their own. The guys called it The Bomber Boner Book.

Ranger had been pissed when he first found out Bobby and Lester had started it, but as he watched he knew it wasn't causing her any harm and he knew they wouldn't touch her no matter how hard they got looking at her. She was his woman and they respected her as such.

He led her over to the Lexus and opened the passenger door. "You're driving this? I thought this was mine," she teased.

"It's all yours, Babe, but I haven't tried it out yet." He pulled her closer, intending to tease her a little. "Seems to have a lot more room than the turbo," he whispered in her ear.

Her cheeks turned pink and she dropped her little pitchfork. "Oops," she muttered. She bent from the waist to scoop it up causing her outfit to ride up her ass a little further. She spread her legs to try to steady herself and twisted her hips a little as she bent all the way to the ground. As she stood up she wobbled on her heels and tumbled forward, right into Ranger. Her face was pressed into his crotch. She stumbled around a little more on the heels, moving her hips in the air and her face back and forth against him as she tried to stand. His hands finally wrapped around her, to lift her to her feet. "I'm sorry, Carlos," she said smiling innocently.

"No problem, Babe." He smiled back, making her cheeks turn pink again.

"Crap, I'm out already," Hal muttered. Ranger looked over at him and smiled, the game was on and he was ready to play.

Stephanie silently laughed. Poor Hal had been too easy. When she flashed him her ass so innocently he'd fallen right into her trap. One down, nine to go.

The drive to the club took less than twenty minutes. Ranger found the spot saved for him and parked next to Tank's truck. "You got my wire?" she asked.

He grinned at her then. He secretly flipped the mic on, knowing the guys would be listening, before turning back to her. "You ready, Babe?"

"Mm hmm," she murmured. She looked at the mic and licked her lips. She knew he turned on the mic, she could hear him speaking through her secret ear piece. She resisted the urge to slap him, he was in on this after all. She took a breath and got herself ready to play with the big boys, she just wouldn't think about them overhearing this.

He turned her in her seat so they were facing. He slowly traced his fingers around the tops of her breast before slipping lower to cup and lift its weight. She made little moaning noises as he rubbed his thumb across her nipple as his fingers tucked the mic under her breast. "How does that feel?"

"The wire or the way you're rubbing my nipple?" She laughed a throaty, sexy sound that wasn't the usual for Steph. She leaned in, kissing him hungrily. "The wire is fine, but I prefer your mouth on my nipples. They're still so sensitive from your teeth earlier. God, I love the things you can do with your mouth." Jesus, his men were hearing this. He thought she'd just whimper and moan like usual. She kissed him again before nuzzling her face into his neck. "Mmm, Carlos, I love this car. Did you know that the combination of the leather smell and your shower gel get me so hot I can barely control myself?" She licked his ear making him moan a little as she kissed her way down his neck. "I hope you were serious about fucking me in this car tonight. It's all I've thought about since you bought it for me."

"Babe," he groaned out again as she grabbed his hard-on.

"Carlos," she whispered in a sexy purr. "Did you know I still think about that afternoon in the Turbo when I pleasure myself? I dream about riding you like that again."

"Steph," he groaned. He was really regretting that he turned the mic on. "We can do anything you want tonight."

"I wish we didn't have a job to do. Mm, do you know how much it turns me on to think about how hard I make you," she moaned.

"Oh, Babe," he moaned as she bite his neck and squeeze his cock a little harder.

"Let's get this guy so we can get out of that club." He made some sort of noise in agreement while she rubbed him hard and fast and kissed his neck again. "Do you know badly I want to stuff your cock down my throat right now? God, I want to taste your cum."

"Christ, Steph," he growled as she pushed his fingers between her legs so he could feel her dampness.

"See what you do to me? I'm so wet right now," she sighed. "It's a good thing this outfit has a snap open crotch, isn't it? You can tear it open and bend me over something when we get home."

"What the fuck, Ranger? Her mic is on," Tank finally bellowed.

"No shit, that isn't fair. I'm out," Cal bitched.

"I'm out too, asshole," Binkie grumbled.

"The Porsche?" Lester said laughing. "I need details later."

"Later, Babe, let's get this job over with," he told her with a little wink. He really needed her to stop before he just decided to forget the job so he could fuck her instead.

She kissed him again as he pretended to turn on the wire. He stuffed the car keys into her purse with a smile. "Go get 'em, Tiger. I'll be right be right behind you." He needed a minute before he followed her in. He wasn't sure he could walk yet. When she opened the door he smiled to himself and said, "Men, clearly I'm out."

As soon as she stepped away from the car the guys started groaning. His ear piece was going crazy. A chorus of exclaimed curses were uttered as she walked past the guys. "Ranger, you son of a bitch," Bobby said. "Damn! That girl is all legs and ass."

"Don't I know it," he answered with a grin before getting out of the car to follow her inside.

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Lester had been in the club a half hour when he heard Steph's mic turn on. Man, the shit she was saying to Ranger. He didn't know she had it in her, it seemed that they found another interesting facet to her personality. No wonder Ranger was so turned around, the girl really was the entire package. He finally admitted to himself that he was a little in love with her himself.

He couldn't believe Ranger turned her mic on early though. Clearly the boss was in a good mood tonight and he was ready to play. Lester smiled to himself, shit was gonna get interesting. He looked up and watched Steph walk into the club. He let out a small whistle, fuck, the guys weren't overreacting tonight. She really did look like she was all legs and ass in that costume. Fuck.

He watched her head to the bar, taking a seat on the stool. Her long leg crossed over the other in a seductive pose he'd seen thousands of times, but it never made his breath catch before. She ordered a martini from Woody who was playing bartender. He was actually dressed up as a bartender from the old west, not a bad costume, plus it allowed him to keep a gun strapped to his leg. He smiled at Steph and handed her the drink. He leaned in and told her the mark was at a table off to the right of the stage. She nodded back before taking a sip. She turned her stool and looked around the club, looking to place each guy on the inside team.

As Steph looked around the club, Junior nodded from the front door where he was dressed as one of the club bouncers in black pants and a black tee with WET written across the chest in bright purple. She kept her gaze moving, finding Lester on the other side of the bar. He winked at her so she smiled back, just flirting like a bar patron would. Zero was standing near the edge of the dance floor like he was looking for someone. When she made contact he winked and moved off into the crowd. She was covered and felt a lot calmer knowing they had their eyes on her, even with all this bet business she did trust them with her life.

Lester's attention was pulled from Steph as Mary Lou walked up to the bar dressed in these skin tight blue shorty shorts with a red and white checked top that tied between her breasts. Her hair was in pig tails under her straw cowgirl hat. Lester looked her up and down. He didn't know she had a body like that. He smiled at the matching cowgirl boots and decided he wouldn't mind playing horse if she wanted a ride.

Ranger walked up to the bar at the same time, his eyes on Steph's legs. Steph ignored him, he was supposed to be a stranger after all. "Amy," Mary Lou cried, calling her the name they agreed on. Stephanie turned on her stool and smiled at her friend.

Mary Lou's hand slipped up Steph's thigh, getting dangerously close to ground zero. Ranger's eyes were focused on Mary Lou's hand like he had no clue what was happening. The next thing he knew Steph stepped off the stool and pulled Mary Lou against her, and they kissed, like fucking really kissed. He saw tongue, he was sure of it. Not only that, but Mary Lou's fingers moved over Steph's ass, squeezing her practically bare cheeks. Sweet Jesus.

Ranger swallowed hard. He had no idea what his woman was up to now, but she'd gotten his attention. He wasn't one of those guys who got turned on by two straight women publically making out, hell, that seemed like a college-girl ploy for attention, but whatever _that_ was had made him feel, something.

His eyes stayed on Steph as she grabbed her drink. The two of them headed back toward the table in the corner where her friends were waiting. Lester met his glance and gave him a barely there nod, he didn't know what she was up to either.

"I should fix my lipstick," Mary Lou said tugging Steph toward the bathroom. Lester knew all the guys outside were wondering what was happening, as for the guys in the bar, they were about ready to follow so they could see some more.

"You look hot in this," Steph told her. "Your ass looks amazing in those shorts."

Mary Lou laughed. "Me? Have you seen your own ass? It's perfect." Lester had to agree with Mary Lou on that one. "I was about ready to bury my face in your tits out there too. That costume is sexy as hell."

Stephanie laughed. "Come on, we haven't done that since we were eighteen."

Lester's eyebrows flew to his hairline. Jesus. "Yeah, but I remember the way your pussy tastes like it was yesterday," Mary Lou purred at her. "You're so sweet."

"Mm, I'm glad we did it even if it was just to try things out," Steph giggled. "I wonder whatever happened to that strap-on you bought at the shore."

Mary Lou laughed then. "That's right, you had some powerful hips on you. Lenny never fucks me like that."

"That's because he can't last as long as that dildo did," Steph said with a little sigh.

Connie must have gone into the ladies room too, because Lester picked up her voice. "You two got it on? Lula and I were talking about giving it a try, but she wasn't sure she wanted to. Maybe Ranger wouldn't mind if I borrowed you?" she asked Stephanie.

Ranger contained the growl on his lips, woman or not, he wasn't about to share his woman. "I could ask," Steph said with a little sexy laugh. "He may want to watch."

"God, he could join us if he wanted. That man is hot. The idea of fucking both of you, together, is about ruining my panties," Connie said making them all laugh.

"I'm out, I'm out, holy crap," Woody muttered. "Sorry boss." Ranger nodded to him in acknowledgement. That wasn't the response from Steph he was expecting. He wasn't a stranger to women offering him threesomes, he'd done some crazy shit when he was young, but hearing Steph and her friends talk about him that way made him feel like a piece of meat and he didn't like it at all. It took him less than a minute to wonder if Steph would feel the same way if she heard about this game they were playing.

Lester looked over at Woody and Ranger who were only a few feet apart at the bar and laughed. Poor Woody was going to be on the mats tomorrow for the way he was looking at Steph earlier. Ranger didn't look very happy, his lips were pressed together and his eyebrows were slightly drawn down. He wondered what that was about, but then the girls came out of the bathroom and Lester's attention shifted. He looked them over.

Connie was dressed as a sixties stewardess in a tiny, little mini dress that made her tits look huge. It was blue with white piping and buttons and matched the blue bag and little hat that was perched on her head. Lester's favorite part were the knee high shiny, white go go boots. He wondered if she'd be open to letting him watch or join if she actually went through with being with another woman. Christ, the thought of her and Steph together was almost enough to do him in. If he were Ranger he'd jump on that offer.

The girls joined Lula and Val at the table they'd selected in the corner of the room. Lula was in a black shiny, vinyl body suit. It fit her body like a second skin and didn't leave anything to the imagination. She had on a matching cat face mask and a leather whip. Lester looked over her outfit and grinned, He figured Tank would be having a little fun later.

Now, Val, that was more his style. She had her blond hair pinned back with a little floral crown adorning it. She was dressed in a strapless, short, green Tinkerbelle costume that hugged her curves. He felt a little something stir when he thought about how much she looked like her sister this afternoon. He wondered if she still had that wig, not that she needed it, but it was a thought. The two of them at the same time, like a Plum sandwich, fuck, he was going to be out soon.

The girls all moved to the dance floor, swinging their hips around to the music as they danced. Stephanie moved closer to the marks table, grinding her hips back and forth seductively. Lester saw the skip give her the once over before turning back to his group. The spot he was sitting overlooked the dance floor, but it was elevated so she couldn't just accidentally bump into him like she usually did with this type of guy. She was going to have to draw him to her. He watched a few men approach the group of women, dancing around them while they tried to make a move, but Bikowski wasn't one of them.

Stephanie couldn't really enjoy herself with the girls until this guy was in custody, but she seemed to be having trouble bringing him to her. It was slightly annoying that she couldn't just approach the table, but she couldn't be that obvious. She looked up at Lester and smiled. It was time to call him in. He'd help her get the guy's attention. She felt Les walk up behind her. "Hey, Beautiful."

She looked over her shoulder and smiled, this was also her shot to get Lester out of the game. "Hey there, handsome."

"You looking to dance with me?"

She smiled flirtatiously. "Maybe. Do you have moves?" Her fingers trailed over his neck, sending little goose bumps down his body.

"Oh, you have no idea baby," he answered smoothly, and he meant it. He wished she'd give him one night to show her all he could do.

"Prove it." With that Lester grabbed her hand and pulled her against him. He made sure there was a clear line of sight between them and Bikowski. He wanted this guy's eyes on her hot little body.

Lester was pleasantly surprised at how well she danced. Her body fitted against him like it belonged, her hips gyrated to the beat, and she smelled like heaven. "Wow, you really do have moves," she purred, sounding a little breathless.

"Oh yeah, Beautiful. If you're ever ready for the rest of the show you let me know." He liked to tease her and flirt with her, but he didn't think he could resist if she ever agreed. God, he wanted her.

She laughed at that. She knew she was close to having him right where she wanted him. "Would you like to see my moves?"

"Oh yeah, baby. Show me what you got?"

Showtime, she thought as she spun in his arms, pressing her ass to his crotch. Her arms snagged around his neck, pulling his head down to her so she could press a kiss to his lips. Her hips were moving, pressing against him in an erotic rhythm that was about blowing his mind. _She's your friend's girl, she's your friend's girl, she's your friend's girl, _he said to himself over and over, but there was no fucking way his dick was going to listen.

Then she bent over from the waist, running her hands up her own legs, while she pumped her ass back into his crotch. "Sweet Jesus, Steph," he gasped. She took his hands and placed them on each side of her hips while she stood and continued to torture him with her grinding hips.

Ranger felt his hands clench into fists. Watching this was fucking torture. "You like it, Lester?" she moaned back at him as she continued her torture.

"Oh, shit, Steph. I admit your moves are superior to all others." He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her back against him, as they continued to move together.

"Men, I am so fuckin' out," Lester groaned.

"What?" Steph asked, pretending innocence.

"Get your dick off her ass, Santos," Ranger growled through the mic. He was not amused by the show the two of them had just put on. Sure he knew she was putting on the show to entice that fucking pervert into hitting on her, but did she need to rub her ass all over Santos' dick? And the look on Santos's fucking face, Christ, he was going to kill him tomorrow.

Lester laughed. "What?" Steph asked again, still pretending she didn't know what Ranger had said.

"Boss says to get my dick off your ass."

She laughed back at the perfect opening they'd given her. "Tell him to calm down. He knows he's the only one that has or ever will get to put his dick in my tight, little ass," she laughed sexily as she rubbed her ass against him again, then she turned and spoke close to his ear, but loud enough that the mic would still pick it up. "I'll tell you a secret, Lester. I wouldn't even let him try to fuck my ass until he convinced me I'd like it first, but as you know, Ranger's very convincing. God, I love how his tongue feels in there. I practically beg him to put his cock up my ass after he does that to me."

Lester almost pulled out his ear piece as the guys outside started shouting. When the sound cleared Bobby muttered, "Ranger, I fucking hate you. I am out." Lester laughed again, she was killing the guys tonight.

Ranger felt like thunking his head against the bar, hard. She knew the mic would pick up what she was saying and she was sharing a lot of their personal information with his men. Not that he really cared if the guys knew they did anal, but that particular tidbit would normally kill her to admit out loud. He really had to wonder what she was doing, this was definitely not part of his plan. Then again, she'd clearly marked herself as his, he couldn't be mad about that.

"Bikowski has seen you, let's wrap this up. I'm texting my wife." Lester noticed the creep eyeballing her and he needed to get back onto the job before he blew his load in his pants. Steph acknowledged the set up so he pulled out his phone and made a face before he started to text on it.

Stephanie looked at the phone and got red faced and started yelling at him. "You're married?"

"Come on baby. She don't care."

"Well, I care. I don't do married men. Get lost creep." She pouted and started to walk away. Lester caught her around the waist and pulled her back, she turned and slapped him across the face. "I told you to leave me alone."

Bikowski walked up and put an arm around her. "You alright, sweetheart?"

"This asshole was just leaving," she said nodding at Lester.

"You heard the lady." Lester shrugged and called her a bitch before walking away. "Let's dance."

"You married?" she asked.

"No, not married."

"Alright then, let's dance," she said still pouting.

"You looked like you were looking for a good time?" Bikowski asked, the question obvious there.

"I am looking for a good time and that asshole put me in a state. He got me so hot I'm practically dripping, but I'm a good Catholic girl, I don't believe in adultery."

"How good a Catholic girl are you?"

"I'm real good. I spend a lot of time on my knees if you know what I mean," she purred.

"Really?"

"As long as you're willing to reciprocate." She winked then. She could tell he was eating this up and was just about ready to leave with her.

Lester kept an eye on her, watching as Morelli walked up on the scene dressed like he belonged on Saturday Night Fever. We're talking shiny black bell bottom pants and an equally shiny button down shirt in a bright purple, which he wore open with gold chains hanging down over his overly hairy chest. Lester cringed, he looked kind of, fancy. He silently thanked Stephanie for picking out his costume. He was just wearing his ACU pants, hat, and boots with a matching Army khaki colored tank top, his dog tags, and a gun clipped at his waist, which probably looked like a fake. He liked it, it was practically like wearing his real clothing.

Lester didn't know what to do about Morelli. He'd already been seen, he couldn't rescue her now, and if Ranger moved in, Morelli would blow things for sure. "Amy, my God," he said grabbing her hand. "God, how I miss you."

Ranger tried to keep his mouth from falling open. He called her Amy? So Morelli was clearly in on this entire thing, whatever it was. "Joe," she muttered pulling her hand away from him. God, she couldn't believe the costume. Ella promised she'd find something ridiculous for him, she didn't disappoint. Wow. It was taking all her strength not to laugh in his face, but it served him right for thinking she'd cheat on Carlos so easily.

"Who's this guy?" Joe asked nodding toward Bikowski.

"A real man. One that can give me what I want, when I want it," she taunted him. "Why don't you go back to your master? Where is he?"

Joe nodded his head toward a table where Carl Costanza was sitting in a matching outfit, except his shirt was red. Steph's ribs hurt from holding her laughter. Carl had no idea that Joe was pretending to be his boyfriend. God, she wanted to do a happy dance. It was too perfect.

"You dumped this hot piece for a dude?" Bikowski laughed making Steph release her own laugh while she clung to him a little more tightly.

"I was his mistress, he was my slave. I dumped him, because I wanted something more," Steph said with a little grin. "You've missed me, Joe?" she asked while she lifted the little pitchfork and smacked him across the nipple. Steph smiled, she knew he was trying not to react to the little crop tap, but if looks could kill.

She smacked the other nipple. He closed his eyes and nodded, "Yes, Mistress." Joe was going to fucking kill her when this was over. When he agreed to do this he didn't know he would be pretending to be some fucking pervert, bisexual, slave. That wasn't him, and she better have added that to the report like they agreed upon.

"Perhaps I'll call you tomorrow if you please me," she told him. "Can you please me, Joe?" He dropped to his knees in front of her and kissed the toes of her boots like he'd been instructed to do. She used her little crop-like pitchfork to hit him across the ass three times, hard. "Good boy." She used the high heel on her boot to dig into the skin on his lower back, before tapping his chin with her crop to bring his eyes to hers. "Go now. I'm with my friends."

Joe crawled away from her before standing to walk away. Good boy his ass, he had to fight himself to not take her little toy whip away and take her over his knee, the way it should be. This had better fucking work for him, because if he just subjected himself to this kind of humiliation and she didn't thank him with gorilla sex he was going to be very disappointed.

"I'm out," Junior muttered. Ranger watched as his eyes moved up and down Steph's body until it looked like he was staring at her boots. Christ, he didn't need to know what his men were into, that was too much. He couldn't believe she talked Morelli into, that. He didn't even know what that was, aside from that idiot thinking this would get her back into his bed. He'd kill Morelli too if he had to. Tank would help him hide a body, again.

"What the fuck was that?" Bikowski asked watching Joe crawl away.

"Oh, you know, I'm his dominant and he needs to be treated like that or it'll destroy him," she answered. "He's a little hung up on me. I guess no one has been able to control him or punish him as well as I did."

"I'm not into weird shit like that," Bikowski warned.

"No worries. I did it because it was what my lover needed, not that I didn't enjoy it, but I needed, more. He couldn't even get it up unless I spent a half hour flogging him first," Steph answered with a little laugh of her own. "I have no problem tying a man to my bed, spanking him or whipping him, even using a little torture on him, but every once and a while a girl just wants to be picked up, tossed across the nearest hard surface, and fucked so hard she can't see. At least I do."

"Damn, baby, you want to go back to my place?"

"I hardly know you well enough for that," she answered. "I do have a brand new Lexus with a huge back seat parked out back. I've been really looking forward to riding a big, hard cock in there ever since I set my eyes on it."

The guy was practically panting at her. "I think I can help you out with that."

She resisted the urge to roll her eyes. Instead she grabbed his cock and smiled. "Yes, you can, Big Boy. You want to go out now?"

"Yeah, sweetheart, I'm ready to give you the ride of your life."

She took his hand, leading him from the dance floor. "I didn't catch your name?"

"Tom Smith." Lester kept his eyes on Bikowski. He was watching her ass like it was a dinner buffet.

"Then I'm Amy Jones." He laughed at that as he pulled her toward the front door. "I'm parked in the back." He changed directions and they just about ran into Zero. He was all dressed up in jeans, a white tee shirt, and a black motorcycle jacket like he just stepped off the set of Grease.

"Mmm, hi there, Sexy," Steph purred running her hands up Zero's chest.

"You look a little taken here," Zero said nodding toward Bikowski.

"We were just going to go out to my car for a little fun. You interested in joining us?"

"What? You think I'm not enough for you?" Bikowski bitched.

"Oh, baby, you know I want you, but I've always wanted to be taken from both ends. It's been a fantasy I've had for a long time. Don't you want to fulfill my fantasies?" she asked in a little sex kitten voice. "Come on, Tommy. I want you to fuck my dripping, wet pussy while he fucks my hot, little mouth. I want to be plugged like a set of Chinese finger cuffs. Then if there's enough left in you, maybe you can switch ends. You up for that boys?" The douche just leered at her and nodded yes.

Zero stared at her. "What about you, sexy? Do you want me to suck your cock while you watch him fuck me?" He still just stared at her. She leaned in, running the tip of her tongue down his neck. "My mouth is talented enough that it got me a brand new Lexus, and a Porsche, and a penthouse apartment. Wouldn't you like me to prove it to you? The Lexus is out back and we're going to break it in, with or without you."

"Yeah, I'm coming. I should just tell my friends that I am OUT." He adjusted himself as he put an arm around her.

"They won't miss you. I don't want to wait anymore. I'm so horny," Stephanie whined. "My pussy has been throbbing for the last hour. I just want you both to fuck me."

"Alright, baby, let's go take care of you," Zero said nodding at Bikowski, who nodded back, and then the three of them headed for the back door.

The guy's hands were all over Steph, his fingers sneaking under the material covering her ass, then trailing fingers around her cheeks. Zero was trying not to hit the guy, but Steph was a trooper, just moaning and wiggling against him as they went out the door.

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Stephanie was about ready to barf. That jerk's clammy hands were all over her ass. She was going to need another shower to erase his touch from her skin. She felt the guys' eyes on her as she led Zero and Bikowski to the back door like she was supposed to.

As they stepped outside, Bikowski grabbed her and pushed her against the side of the building, his fingers pulling down the front of her costume as he made an attempt to get his lips around her nipple. Before Zero or the takedown team could react she punched him in the nose with her right hand while grabbing his arm with her left, her right followed as she put all her weight into tossing the guy. He flipped over and landed on the ground as she applied pressure to his elbow and finished with a FMP to the balls. Within seconds he was on the ground, unable to resist the guys who moved in to cuff and shackle him.

She stood up and shook her hand before pulling up her top to cover her breasts. "Sweet Jesus, Little Girl," Tank growled. "I am OUT gentlemen." Stephanie couldn't help but smile at him.

Lester and Ranger stood in the backdoor looking at the bloody man on the ground. They shared a huge smile as they looked at her. She ran over to Ranger and hugged him. Not only was she happy it was over, but she needed the comfort that his arms offered. She hated when she had to allow those creeps to touch her. "It worked, I got him in the elbow lock and to the ground in seconds."

"That's my girl," he smiled hugging her back. She looked up in time to see the bewildered expression on Ranger's face. "Something you haven't told me?"

She shrugged. "Hector has been helping me workout."

Ranger blinked at her and smiled again. He couldn't believe what he'd just seen her do. Not only that, Tank wasn't wrong, that was hot. "Proud of you, Babe."

She grinned back. "If you think that's good you should see what I can do with a knife and my guns now."

He pressed a kiss to her lips as he walked her back into the club. "We should probably talk about your performance tonight," he told her. "Finger cuffs?"

"I was going for a visual," she said with a shrug.

"You gave plenty of those tonight," he muttered.

"Oh, that reminds me," she bent and spoke into her cleavage, making sure all the guys heard her on the wire. "Who won the book tonight boys?" No one answered. "That's what I thought. I expect my money on my desk tomorrow morning. I also filed a report. It should be available to view on your phones as we speak." She pulled the wire from her breasts, turned it off, and handed it to Ranger.

He pulled up his email and opened the RangeMan case report, it was titled RangeMan Revenge. He looked over the report. She filled it in better than most of the guys did for a real job. She had each of their names listed in the wanted area. The reason they were wanted was listed as Chauvinistic assholes that bet on their friend. Goal was listed as teach them all that Stephanie Plum is qualified and entitled for the position that she holds at RangeMan and should be treated with respect. From there it had listed the name of each man and how she collected the evidence she needed to make him lose the bet, with photographic evidence as proof. He smiled as he read through all she had done and found on his men, he couldn't help himself, he was impressed. The disclaimers on the last page were his favorite. She had written that her friends had helped in the collection of information and execution of plans, but were in no shape responsible for her actions. She also listed that nothing Mary Lou or Connie had said about having lesbian relations was truthful. Nor was any of the information about Joe Morelli being a submissive or in a gay relationship with Carl accurate. He was a paid actor and agreed to help with the mission in exchange for one year of lunches with and paid for by Stephanie Plum. Ranger suddenly threw back his head and laughed, hard. "Babe, you truly never disappoint."

"Thanks," she said smiling at him. "So how mad were you?"

"I wasn't mad. I was trying to figure out what the hell you were up to, but I wasn't mad," he assured her. It wasn't a full out lie. He was never mad at her, pissed at the guys for treating her that way, but not at her. Now, he realized it was his own fault for allowing them to disrespect her in the first place. They needed to understand what she meant to him and RangeMan.

"Good," she answered. He kissed her again.

"I'm impressed with your detective skills." She smiled. "You knew about the book?"

"Oh, I know all about Bomber Boners. I can't believe you were playing along with them."

"It was only funny because while they go home blue balled I get to spend the entire night inside of you."

"Hmm, what makes you think I'm that kind of girl? I'm a good Catholic girl you know."

"Oh, I do know and I plan to reciprocate." She smiled at him then. "So I'm not in the dog house?"

"No, you're not in the dog house, but if I ever find out you bet on me again I'll do more than share your sexual secrets with my friends," she warned.

He winced at that. "Babe," he groaned. "What do they know?"

"A lot, so you had best come say hello to my team and be nice," she told him. "They have dirt on all your men too, so they'll have to play nice as well."

The girls smiled as they approached and started squealing and laughing. Steph was hugged and congratulated while Ranger just smiled and watched. Before they knew it, all the guys joined them at the table including Morelli and Carl.

"Who took Bikowski in?" Ranger asked Tank.

"Gazzara and Big Dog showed up and hauled him into the station," he said with a shrug.

"I called them in. I thought your guys might what to talk to Steph after this," Morelli told them. Ranger nodded back to him, it was good thinking. Morelli pulled the earpiece out and held it in the air. "She had me listen in. She thought I should hear what she's been doing on these jobs all these years. I had no idea she was going to put on that show."

Ranger just shook his head. "No one should ever underestimate her," he said quietly. He knew he learned that lesson again tonight. He just hoped he never had to learn it again. Next time she may not be so forgiving.

"How the hell do you do it? How can you let her do that?" Morelli asked then.

Ranger smiled. "I don't let her do anything. I stopped trying to tell her what to do a long time ago. She's going to do what she wants, she just needs me to support her and protect her while she does it." Joe nodded back. There was nothing more to say. Manoso got her in a way he never could.

"We have an apology to make, Steph," Bobby started. Ranger smiled to himself, he knew his guys would make things right with her. "We should have never started those bets on you, but you were just so fucking cute that first time and shit spiraled out of control after that. You didn't have to prove to us that you belong at RangeMan. We all consider you essential to the team."

"Yeah. I always knew you were a tough bitch," Cal told her with a laugh. "And so sexy. That's the thing, we were teasing each other, not you, because we couldn't control ourselves when you were around. You're just so hot and sexy and we're a bunch of douche bags for not handling that right."

"Yeah, you're an amazing woman, Steph," Hal agreed with a blush. "We all love how sweet and smart you are."

"And sneaky too," Zero agreed. "That was really fucking impressive."

"Agreed. I can't believe you bugged my car," Binkie complained. "And I'm still looking for a blow job, just throwing that out, there to any of the females here."

Lula hit him with her handbag making everyone laugh. "Yeah, I'm sorry too, Stephanie. I should have known better than to bet on you or to even allow the rest of the idiots to do so. We were just having some fun and didn't think about it hurting your feelings," Tank told her. "You know we all think you belong at RangeMan. We've considered you part of it since we met you all those years ago. You're part of the family, the best part of it really."

"The prettiest too," Junior agreed with him. "We love having you there with us. You never fail to make us smile."

"We'd hate for you to think that we didn't believe in you. These bets are all about believing in you. We know you'll get your man out the door and we know you'll use every trick up your sleeve to do it. The fun is watching and waiting to see what you'll do next. Sometimes what you do affects, you know, below the belt. We can't even help it, you're hot," Woody smiled. "I just never thought you'd be able to get into my apartment so easily."

"That thing? A kindergartener could get in there," she said with a little laugh.

"Beautiful," Lester said kneeling at her feet. He kissed her boots much like Joe had earlier. "I'm a big fucking idiot. This was all my fault and it's because I'm a jealous piece of shit. Everything the guys said to you is true and so much more. You are everything any of us could want in a woman. Everything I want in a woman. I didn't treat you with the respect and honor that you deserved because I wanted you to notice me. I think when you moved in with Ranger and I saw how happy you both were I lost my head a little. I wanted that kind of happiness too. I wanted you to love me back. I'm really sorry, Steph. I hope you can forgive me for this foolishness. I promise to never bet on you again."

She wrapped her arms around him and hugged him against her. "You are an idiot, Les. I've loved you for a very long time now. You're one of my best friends," she told him. Then there was a chorus of agreement from the men, they would never put another bet on her.

"I guess that leaves me," Ranger told her. She pulled Les to his feet and turned to look at Ranger. He smiled and seemed to hesitate a little before he spoke. "I didn't think about you feeling disrespected or unwanted by the team because of these bets and I feel like a jerk for it. I hope you've really forgiven me for my latest mistake and continue to forgive me for all my future mistakes, I'm sure there will be a few." She nodded yes to him with little tears in her eyes. "I guess I didn't see it as disrespect, because I've known these guys have wanted you to be part of RangeMan for a long time. Hell, I've taken quite a bit of shit over the years because I couldn't keep you working with them, where they could be with you and keep you safe." He watched her face, waiting for the anger, but he didn't see any. "As for me, I've wanted you by my side since the first time I gave you a job. Since then I've realized that I wanted you as a partner in every respect. I want us to run RangeMan together, Babe. I want to hear your opinions and see your ideas come to life and let you breathe some life into this company. I want us to build something here, something we can be proud to give to our children someday." Her mouth dropped open when he mentioned them having children. He smiled at her and kissed her forehead. "I have loved you from the moment that we met, Steph. Over the last couple years I've fallen more deeply than I ever knew was possible. You've become essential to my life and I don't ever want to live any part of it without you." He dropped down onto one knee and pulled the jewelry box out of his pocket. "I planned to do this when we were alone tonight, but it's probably better that we share it with our family since they've helped us get here. Stephanie Plum, will you do me the honor of marrying me?"

"Oh my God," she whispered as she stared back at him. He took the ring out of the box and slipped it onto her finger, then kissed her fingertips.

"Babe?" he questioned. She was still just staring at the ring. "You're killing me here, please say yes."

She started laughing, which somehow turned into full blown sobbing. "Yes. Yes, oh my God," she cried before she hurled herself into his arms and peppered his face with kisses. "I love you, Carlos."

"I love you too, Babe," he told her as he held her and stood with her still in his arms. "So we're really going to do this? You're going to marry me?"

"You bet," she said with a little grin.

"Poor choice of words, Babe," he said grinning back at her. "I promise to kill the next person I hear bet on you."

She laughed. "That might be going a little too far."

"I'll ship them to Siberia in their underwear then," he amended. She kissed him again, she could live with that compromise.

They were interrupted by Val grabbing her hand to look at the ring. "Wow," she whispered. "You didn't get that in Trenton."

Ranger laughed at his soon-to-be sister. "No, I drove to Philly this afternoon," he agreed.

"That's from Tiffany," Connie said fanning herself. "You're definitely going to have to do butt stuff for that."

Ranger arched an eyebrow at Steph. Her face flamed red as she thought about all the butt stuff conversations she'd had in the last day. "Babe," he said with a smile. She was still too cute, how the hell this was the same woman that was on the mic an hour ago he'd never understand.

"Holy big fuckin' rock, Batman," Lula shrieked as she grabbed Stephanie's hand. Ranger just laughed as she was pulled away by Mary Lou.

Soon all the guys were congratulating him with handshakes and fist bumps, until Tank stood there smiling at him. "You're a brave one, Rangeman."

He laughed as he watched their women dance together. He nodded toward Lula and said, "So when is she getting a ring?"

"Fuck, you knew about that bet?" Tank grumbled.

"What don't I know about?" Ranger asked back.

"One of these days we'll keep something from you."

"You can try." Ranger prided himself on being aware of his surroundings.

"Maybe we should get Steph to give us some lessons. She sure got you tonight," Tank said with a deep laugh.

Ranger laughed back. "I love that she's a challenge." Tank just shook his head.

"One suggestion," Tank said seriously. "Keep her home next year."

Morelli interrupted them by holding out his hand. Ranger shook it. "Congratulations, Manoso."

"Thanks."

"Be good to her," Morelli said with a little nod.

"I will," Ranger agreed. "You're still going to see her weekly for that lunch?"

Joe shook his with a little smile. "She didn't give me the full details on 'my part' before I got here."

Ranger laughed then. "Thanks for having her back."

"I always will," Joe told him. They just looked at each other in mutual understanding, they both loved her. "I'm going to go give your fiancé a kiss and go home." Ranger stood and watched him do just that.

He walked onto the dance floor and pulled his woman against him. As nice as it was to spend time with their friends, he couldn't wait to get her home. "You want to get out of here?" he whispered in her ear.

"Sure, I have a brand new Lexus out back…"

"I heard you had plans for that Lexus," he said with one of his wolf grins.

"That's true, can you help me out with that, Big Boy?"

He laughed at that. "We don't have to bring Zero, do we?"

She gave him her best sex kitten smile. "Not if you think you're man enough to keep up with me."

"I already won that bet," he said pulling cuffs out of his pocket. "It's time to pay up, Babe."

She laughed as he pulled her out the backdoor clearly in a hurry to get her alone. She definitely had the sexiest fiancé in the entire world and she'd gladly lose to him anytime if this was the punishment, she just wouldn't tell him that.

****End of chapter notes…so the stuff about breaking into security systems is all made up, I don't know how to do that, so just forgive me if you really do know how to do it. Also, Bobby's porn collection, those are real titles. I actually google searched anal porn to give you those goodies. Lester's costume, the ACU is Army combat uniform, he was just in camouflage. And yeah, I don't know why I needed to torture Joe some more, I just wanted to. He's fun. See you soon.****


	4. Year 4

** **Author's notes... Each chapter of this story can stand as its own story, but they are also continued from the previous year. Still super silly, though I have to up the warnings on this one (even more than the previous chapter). This chapter contains some really raunchy humor (i.e. Rocky Horror show) that may not be enjoyable to all readers. Mature Rating continues for some really bad language, extreme adult situations, some naughty sex talk, and some smut. You have been warned, so please skip this chapter if easily offended, because it's pretty offensive at times. Thanks. ** **

Halloween morning…a year later

Ranger groaned as his watch alarm chimed. He'd only been asleep about an hour. He knew it was time to go to the gym, but he was exhausted. He felt like he could hardly move, much less go for a run. The last two weeks had been harder on him than he was willing to admit, but he was to the point where he was going to have to admit it, soon. She was killing him.

His fiancé, Stephanie, had gone off of sugar two weeks ago, claiming that it made her feel sick. The thing was, the sugar seemed to be the only thing that had kept her hormones in check. Not that he was complaining about her being more hormonal or anything, hell, the sex was phenomenal, it was just that he needed a little break. Just a full night of sleep and maybe eight hours between rounds of sex, okay, three hours.

He laid there until it chimed a second time. He felt her move next to him. He knew if the alarm woke her she'd be straddling him again in a matter of minutes. He quickly rolled over and snuck out of the bed. He grabbed his gym clothes and moved to the doorway as quietly as possible.

He looked back at the bed and felt the guilt creep in. He couldn't believe he was sneaking away like this. His beautiful Babe was spread across their bed in all her glory with her mass of curly hair over his pillow. Just looking at her like that filled him with longing, the kind that had been sated only an hour ago. She stretched and rolled onto her back, revealing her perky breasts. He felt his dick twitch as he hardened. He looked down at it and silently cursed the traitorous thing. Christ, he would seriously never sleep again.

He hesitated only a moment before he crossed the room and crawled back into the bed. She instantly curled against him in her sleep making him smile. He couldn't deny that he still loved holding her like this. He text Tank and told him he'd be down for the nine o'clock meeting. He didn't need a run anyway, he'd burned off more calories having sex all night than an hour on the treadmill would come close to.

He tossed the phone on the table and wrapped his arms around his woman. He'd catch a few hours sleep and be ready for her when she woke. He'd just have to take the sweet torture she offered like a man.

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Stephanie woke when she felt Ranger move next to her. She rolled onto her back and looked at him. He was sitting on the edge of the bed with his back to her. She smiled and reached out to rub her hand up and down his spine. He had the sexiest back ever created. It was trim and muscular and covered in the smoothest, softest skin she'd ever touched. She felt the stirrings of desire fill her as she thought about tracing his spine with her tongue instead.

"Morning, Babe," he said as he flopped back down next to her. "Ella just brought breakfast. You hungry?"

"Did I keep you up too late?" she asked. Obviously he'd skipped his trip to the gym, which was the fifth time in the last couple weeks.

"Worth it," he answered with a smile. She kissed his lips. "I thought about leaving, but I like being next to you better."

"I like you here better too." He leaned in then to kiss her back, but she backed off, surprising him. She blushed at the surprised look on his face. "I have to pee really badly."

He laughed as she rolled out of bed and ran to the bathroom. She wasn't even lying, she felt like she was going to explode. She groaned as she started to go, it really hurt. "Ouch," she mumbled to herself.

"You alright?" he shouted from the bedroom.

"Yeah," she shouted back before finishing up the rest of her trip. She was still hurting though, so she walked slowly into the bedroom.

He noticed right away. "Babe?" he asked looking concerned.

"It's nothing," she said waving her hand. "I think we might have gotten too carried away the last few days." She felt her face starting to turn bright red. "I'm just a little sore, down there."

He smiled back at her and chuckled. "I hate to say this, but I'm glad you admitted it, because I'm feeling a little exhausted, down there, myself."

She couldn't help the smile that lit up her face. He really did know how to make her feel better when she was feeling embarrassed or silly. "Let's go eat, Batman," she grinned at him as she grabbed her bathrobe and pulled it around her naked body. She started to leave the room, but stopped to hand him his sweatpants first. It was probably better not to tempt themselves further, clearly their bodies needed a little timeout from all the sex.

"Sounds good, Wonder Woman," he answered with a little smile. He'd taken to calling her that every time he was called Batman, he said if he was a superhero she was more so for putting up with him.

He noticed she was still walking a little funny, hesitating like it hurt to move. He smiled to himself. He wasn't happy that she was sore or hurt, but he was glad to know that he hadn't worn out before her. That would have been a bad blow to the ego, he didn't want to be as pathetic as Morelli. Besides that, he liked that she couldn't control herself around him. He hoped she'd still be chasing him around the building for sex twenty years from now. So he was glad he didn't have to force a piece of cake down her throat to calm her hormones; that may have killed the magic.

His smile faded as he noticed the pain on her face. He decided to help her with the walk to the kitchen, she'd earned it. He caught her arm and threw it around his shoulder as he bent and scooped her up in his arms. She just smiled at him as he carried her to the kitchen and sat her in her chair.

When she saw the food her little, pink tongue peeked out of her mouth and licked her lips hungrily. He felt his dick twitch in return. Christ, he had problems. He smiled down at her as she licked some butter off her finger. Yeah, he could think of something much better than cake to stuff down her throat.

"You're looking at me like I'm dessert," she told him with a little laugh.

"I think you let the beast loose with all the sex you've been demanding," he told her as he sat on the chair beside hers.

"Beast, huh?"

"Yep," he laughed. "It wants me to keep you naked and chained to our bed so I can take you whenever I want." Her eyes turned a dark, liquid blue as she stared back into his face. "Babe?" She smiled wickedly and leaned across the space between them. Her lips caught his with a little kiss.

"Can we try that when we get home tonight?" she asked quietly.

"You know we can do anything you want," he answered. "Anytime."

"Good answer, Carlos," she whispered to him as her lips trailed down his neck and chest. When she slipped off the chair to her knees he knew that her RangeMan ESP was fully functioning. He closed his eyes as her mouth closed over him.

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Ranger kept his arm around Steph as they stepped off the elevator onto the fifth floor and walked to their adjoining offices. Tank, Bobby, and Lester smiled and headed for Ranger's office too. They peeked inside to see the couple locked in a deep kiss. Lester rolled his eyes and made kissy faces at Tank, who smacked him upside the head.

"Hey, Rangeman," Tank interrupted. "Missed you at the gym again this morning." Tank silently laughed as Stephanie's face turned bright red. He loved to tease or embarrass her, she earned it last year when she pulled one over on him and the other guys. That had been embarrassing and a bit of a bruise to their egos, but she earned her spot on the team fair and square. No one dared to argue that.

"We've been tired," Ranger told them, clearly a message to let it go in front of Steph, but Lester didn't take messages real well.

"You still off the sugar, Steph?" he asked as he plopped himself into one of the arm chairs in front of the desk. Bobby laughed and sat in the other chair as he thought about what an idiot Lester was.

"Santos," Ranger warned. "Is there a reason you're in my office?"

"Just wanted to get the Halloween meeting out of the way. I assumed Steph was to be included in the planning this year," he said with a big grin. He knew Ranger didn't want Steph to know about the special tails he placed on her and her friends on their girls' nights, but Lester didn't give a shit. He had her back, as her partner, friend, and as a man who learned to never cross her. He didn't want to be the one caught tailing her without her knowledge.

Stephanie saw the angry look on Ranger's face and kissed his cheek before sitting down on the couch. Tank grinned and sat next to her. "Let's talk about my plan," she said with a happy little smile. "I was assuming that you were all going to tail us in some way or another, like usual."

"Shit," Tank mumbled. He knew this wasn't going to be good.

Steph just smiled brighter. "So, I got you costumes so you can come as our dates or bodyguards, whichever you prefer to be labeled as."

"Babe, are you finally going to tell us what you've got planned?" Ranger asked as he sat on the edge of his desk and crossed his arms. He knew the defensive pose would do nothing to save him from the humiliation of another costume, but he hoped she loved him enough to not make him wear tights or something.

"Sure," she said with a little smile. "You guys remember my friend Sally Sweet?"

"Yep," Lester responded as the other men nodded in return. How could they forget a seven foot tall, hairy, drag queen that ran down a street gang with his school bus to save their girl? Nope, Sally Sweet had RangeMan's respect. "What's he up to?"

Stephanie's smile grew. "That's the great part. He got a new gig out at the old cinema," she explained. "He got the lead role as Dr. Franken-furter in a Rocky Horror Picture Show performance group."

Ranger felt a twitch behind his eye. "The Rocky Horror Picture Show?" he questioned.

"Yep, we're going to see it tonight," she explained excitedly. "In costume."

"Fuck," Tank said shaking his head. "And you women got us costumes?"

"Sure did, Big Guy." She pulled out her phone and called Ella to bring the costumes down to the office. "You're going to love this."

"I'm not dressing in a bustier," Lester said. He figured he'd get that out of the way right here and now. He respected any man that was willing to do it, he just wasn't gonna be one of them.

"Don't worry, none of the guys' costumes have a bustier," she confirmed.

Tank let out a breath he was holding. "But you girls' costumes have a bustier?" he questioned.

"Yeah, Connie would look great in a bustier," Bobby agreed. Lester nodded his affirmative and fist bumped his buddy.

"You'll just have to wait and see."

Ranger shook his head. He knew his men wouldn't refuse her anything and neither could he. He just needed to know the business was still running. "Babe?" he asked. "How many costumes did you buy?"

"Six," she answered. "Four dates and two bodyguards. I figured that was enough coverage. Don't you?"

He nodded back, she wasn't wrong, but fuck, he wished she were. He knew this was going to be another disaster, somehow it always was when those women got together. Besides, he'd look like an idiot doing The Time Warp, and no, he wasn't admitting he knew the song or the fucking dance.

Ella bustled in a few minutes later with a rolling rack of garment bags. Stephanie happily took over, pulling it over to the desk. "So who wants to go first?" she asked. None of the guys answered. "Fine. Chickens. These are for our bodyguards." She pulled out two black tuxedo style suits with matching black shoes and bow ties. The only crazy thing about them was that one had a bright yellow shirt and a white vest while the other had a white shirt and a hot pink shiny cummerbund. "The yellow is for Zero and the pink is for Hal," she explained.

"Hell, that ain't so bad," Tank said looking at them. "That's going to fit in?"

"Yep, they're the Transylvanians," Steph assured him. "Plus, they have a jacket to conceal their weapons. I figured that was important since you guys won't all have guns on you."

"No guns?" Ranger asked with a raised eyebrow.

She pulled out a sparkly pair of gold boxer briefs with matching gold high-top sneakers. "Where in the world would you hide your gun?" she asked.

His eyes narrowed at the offending costume. "My gun?" he questioned. "Where the hell am I going to hide my dick?"

She laughed and leaned against him for a kiss. "I could make a few suggestions if you really don't know," she whispered to him. The guys all made disgusted groaning sounds.

"Babe," he answered with a little chuckle. "Really?"

"No, Ranger, I'm not sharing that view with anyone," she assured him. "This is all you, Lester."

"Awe, fuck no," he grumbled. "Steph. I thought you loved me?"

"I do," she said smiling sweetly. "We all voted and the girls wanted to see you in this. You can't change a committee vote."

He laughed then. He just imagined the girls' sitting around discussing the merits of each man donning the gold shorts. He puffed out his chest. He wasn't one to disappoint the ladies. If they wanted him in the gold underpants, then he was going to be Rocky. "Fine, give it here," he pretended to grumble.

Bobby's laughed died on his lips as Steph's eyes landed on him. "What?"

"You're going as Connie's date so she picked out your costume," Stephanie warned him.

"Shit," Bobby muttered. He figured it wasn't going to be good. They had a slight disagreement a couple weeks ago about her Family. They weren't real excited that she was dating a black man and she told him she'd only fight for him if he was serious, like a ring and babies serious. He told her he needed to think about it, it was a big step. She kicked his ass out of the house and hadn't spoken to him since. His thoughts were interrupted when Steph pulled out a pair of thickly lined tighty whities. "What the fuck is that?" he growled.

"You're going to be Brad," she said. "Don't worry, you get a robe and glasses." She pulled out a silky, blue robe that was embroidered with flowers and butterflies.

"Great," he mumbled. He accepted the costume. He supposed he should at least be happy that Connie included him as her date, maybe he could make it up to her by humiliating himself in this, thing.

"And Tank," Steph said with a smile. "You're going to be Lula's date so you are going to be Eddie." She handed him the jeans, black boots, gold belt, black tee shirt, and a sleeveless black leather jacket decorated with chains, leopard print lapels, and baby written on the back.

"Nice," Tank said looking it over. "I can still carry a gun."

"We knew we'd never get the two of you to leave your guns behind," Steph told him and Ranger. "But we love you anyway."

"And that's why the feelings are mutual," Ranger told her as he slipped his arms around her and pulled her back against his chest. "I can't wait until we get upstairs to see my costume."

"Mm," she murmured. Just the way his hard chest felt against her back was turning her on. "That sounds good, Batman."

"You want me to try it on now, Wonder Woman?" he whispered in her ear.

"Not again," Lester mumbled as he stood and headed for the door. "You two need to cool it before you break your private parts."

"Lock the door," Ranger growled back at him. Tank shook as his head as he flipped the lock and followed the other guys out of the office. He briefly wondered if he should try getting his wife off of sugar too.

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A couple hours later, Stephanie was walking out of the police station. She just filed a report on a break in at one of their accounts. She didn't even mind having to go there anymore. The police officers now respected her as their liaison with RangeMan. She had to admit she enjoyed the respect as well as the job she was doing. She'd definitely found her spot in life at RangeMan.

She owed all her professional gains to Ranger. He trusted her enough to help run his company. Okay, so she owed Ranger for _everything_ in her life. Everything had been going better since they had gotten together. He really was amazing in every way.

She smiled to herself as she thought about how he joined her in the shower last night, which turned into hours and hours of hot, sweaty sex in the dressing room, the bedroom, and the dining room. In the end they hadn't slept much, but it was well worth it. She'd never get enough of that man.

"Big smile there, Cupcake," a familiar voice called from the parking lot.

Stephanie looked up to see her friend, Joe Morelli, smiling at her. "I've had a great morning," she grinned.

"Yeah, I could see your glow a mile away," Joe laughed as he referred to her morning-after sex glow.

"Funny," she replied with an eye roll.

"How about we celebrate your good mood?"

"What do you have in mind, Morelli?" she asked with a raised eyebrow, yeah, she'd been working on that and had it mastered now.

"Brunch?" he asked. "If I buy, you have to promise not to egg me tonight."

She laughed. "Of course I won't egg you, unless you piss me off." She laughed remembering a few years ago when they'd broken up. She had egged him and his date that year, but now Joe was practically her best friend, at least one of them. "And food sounds great. I didn't have time for breakfast this morning after…" she trailed off with a goofy grin and pink cheeks.

"Ewww, yeah, I don't need to hear that one," he groaned with a laugh on his lips.

"Come on, I'll drive," she said grabbing his arm to pull him toward her Lexus.

He crawled into the passenger seat and smiled. "I can't believe you've had this car for a year and it's still in one piece."

"It helps that I'm not out tracking down scumbags anymore," she replied happily.

Joe laughed and shook his head. "I feel like I should say I told you so or something."

"Fine. You were right. I'm much safer now and much happier that I'm not bounty hunting," she agreed. "But it's not nice to point it out."

"I'm glad he's helped you see that," Joe finally said quietly. "So he's still being good to you? And you're happy?"

"Yes and yes. He's wonderful and I couldn't be happier," she answered bubbling with love for her man.

"I'm glad you're happy, but I still feel like an asshole for letting him have you," Joe told her. She looked over to find his lips pressed together in a tight line. "I took you for granted."

She pulled up to the café and got a decent parking spot. Ah, Ranger's parking karma was shining on her today, maybe it was sexually transmitted. "We're better friends, Joe, and you know it," she told him as she unfastened her seatbelt and leaned over to hug him.

He nodded as he got out of the car and waited for her. He kissed her cheek and put an arm around her as he led her into the restaurant. "You know I love you," he told her.

"I know. I love you too," she laughed. "It's a lot easier to say it now that we've determined what kind of love it is."

"I always meant it." He shrugged and smiled back at her. She nodded back that she did too.

"You know this is the place Ranger and I first met?" she asked. Joe hadn't known that, he just shook his head no. "It was after the first time you gave me the slip. Connie set us up. She said he'd teach me how to be a bounty hunter so I could nail your ass." She crawled into the booth and grabbed a menu.

"I guess he taught you well," Joe smirked. "You nailed my ass good." He shook his head remembering the strange series of events that had brought them all together. He imagined Manoso had been as much a goner when he'd met her that day as he himself had been when she'd showed up in her high heels and expected him to go back to jail willingly.

The waitress came to take their orders with a smile directed at Joe. He got a half pound burger with a fried egg on top and French fries, it was brunch. Stephanie stared at the menu until she finally decided on a grilled chicken salad with a raspberry vinaigrette. She noticed Joe staring at her. "What?"

"This is the third week in a row that you got a salad. Does he have you eating his rabbit food now?" Joe asked kind of horrified by the idea.

"No. Just the last few weeks I haven't been feeling very well. Sweets and heavy sauces sit in my stomach like a brick or make me barf if I eat them at night. Salad and fruit seem to make me feel better," she shrugged.

"Have you gone to the doctor? Maybe it's diabetes or something?"

She shrugged. "Nah, the diet seems to be working. I'm just a little more tired than normal, but without the sugar, you know, we haven't been _sleeping_ a lot when we're in bed."

"Christ, poor bastard. The last time you went off sugar I was ready to call him in for relief. You practically broke the boys," he laughed.

She shot him her Burg glare, but it only made him laugh harder. "It wasn't that bad."

"Steph, I had to lock myself in the spare room to get some sleep. You were killing me," he assured her. "I never thought I'd be forced to have too much sex before that."

"God, Carlos did look a little tired the last couple days. Do you think I'm killing him too?" She was kind of horrified at the idea of demanding too much sex, maybe she was like a nympho or something.

Joe started laughing. "I'm sure Manoso will be fine. He looks like he can handle a nympho." Joe's laugh made her glare again. "Look at it this way, if worse comes to worst at least he's got fifty guys on his payroll if he needs back-up."

"Ugh, gross," she grumbled. "Carlos doesn't share." She made that sound like a warning.

"I got that memo," he told her with a chuckle.

"So what are you doing for Halloween?" she asked changing the subject.

"No plans yet," he told her.

"We're going out to the old theatre off Broad Street," she grinned at him.

"I thought that place was closed down?"

"Nope, new owners are trying to bring back some classic shows and get a new crowd in there. Plus, Sally got a part in a performance group that does Rocky Horror Picture Show. They're performing tonight. You should meet us down there."

"It's not a couple's thing, is it?"

Steph shook her head. Joe hadn't had a serious relationship since they had broken up three years ago. She thought it'd be a good idea to get him out of the house and meet people. "Nope. It's tradition, another girls' night out. Of course, we'll have bodyguards, but it's still girls' night."

"I think I've had enough of your girls' nights."

"You had fun last year," she said with a laugh.

"Sure," he agreed. "It was wonderful wearing that costume and pretending to like Costanza spanking me while you got engaged to another guy."

Stephanie's laugh rang out loudly, making people look at the two of them. "I told you to bring a friend. I thought you'd bring one with a vagina. I just had to make do with what you gave me."

"Yeah, you loved it," he grumbled.

"Come on," she smiled back sweetly. "You made a good deal. We've had fifty-two wonderful lunches together. Paid for by me. Plus, you got my highly sought after company. That had to make it worth it."

"You got me there," he agreed. He had really enjoyed those lunches more than he'd admit to her. Sure he still loved her, but now it grew into something much deeper and more real. She was his best friend and he was pretty sure he was hers, at least next to Ranger. "So, are you willing to renegotiate?"

"Sure, weekly lunches again if you show up in costume and participate with the crowd," she said holding out her hand.

"Okay, fine, I'll swing by," he finally said as he shook her hand. He couldn't believe he said yes, again. He wasn't sure why she was such a weakness to him, but he wasn't going to fight it. He'd never win. "What time?"

"Around nine, we want to get there early to get good seats and see the performance before the movie."

"Yeah, wouldn't want to miss that," he agreed remembering the last time they'd gone to see Sally's band play. It ended in a bar fight.

She nodded with a big smile. "I'm still holding out hope that you will hang out with Carlos and me. I think you two should get to know each other better. You're the two most important men in my life and I hate that you hate each other." Joe felt like rolling his eyes at her, but he looked across the table at the happy, confident woman she had turned into and he knew it was due to the other man. He knew it was time to put the past behind them and be happy for her. It was probably time to accept that Manoso wasn't the thug goon he came off as too.

"I don't hate him," he mumbled back at her. "It's more envy."

"God," Stephanie grumbled as she grabbed her stomach and made a face.

"You alright?" he asked.

"My stomach feels really weird."

"Are you sick or in pain?"

"It hurts," she hissed.

"Maybe you have to poop."

"Joe!" she growled at him.

He laughed a little at her outrage. "Sorry," he apologized for such a suggestion. Apparently women don't poop. "You're not holding a fart, are you?"

"No wonder you're still single," she moaned holding her side.

"Christ, that really does hurt, doesn't it?" he asked feeling bad that he'd made fun.

"No shit."

"Uh, let's get you out of here. Maybe you have to lie down or something." He tossed some bills onto the table to pay for their uneaten food and helped her out of the booth. He slipped an arm around her waist and held her close to his side as he walked her out to her car. "You want me to call Manoso?"

"No, I'm sure I'm fine," she said quietly. She felt really dizzy. She stumbled and swayed on her feet as everything turned fuzzy and then black.

Joe saw her eyes roll back into her head and he knew she was going down. He caught her in his arms and lifted her against his chest. Shit. He settled her into the passenger seat of the car and tapped her cheek. She made a little moan sound and her eyes fluttered. Shit. He ran around to the driver's side and got in.

Minutes later he pulled up to the emergency department of St. Francis Hospital. By that point she was awake, but still moaning about the pain. "I don't need the hospital," she complained.

He didn't want to hear that one. "You can either go in with me or I'll call Manoso and Tank and they can bring you in at gun point. Either way you're going in there."

She tried to glare at him, but it just hurt too much. "Fine."

He nodded as he unbuckled her and lifted her from the car. She tried a few steps, but he knew it'd just be faster if he did it. He lifted her bridal style and carried her through the automatic doors. All eyes in the room settled on them. He had no doubt this would be around The Burg in exactly three minutes, but he didn't give a shit. People would always assume the worst about them, but he stopped caring months ago. Let them assume what they wanted, the people that mattered knew the truth.

The nurse settled Steph into the triage room, took her vitals, and asked a few questions. She was immediately given a room and loaded into a wheelchair. Joe watched nervously. As soon as she was in the room he'd call Manoso. She needed someone with her. "Joe, aren't you coming along?" she asked then. He looked down at her pale face and nodded. He couldn't say no to her. "Don't call Carlos yet. I don't want him to worry if it's nothing." Joe silently agreed, but he didn't like it. If she was his fiancé he'd want to know if she was sick.

The nurse that came to take care of her was Kathy Galewski, they had gone to high school together. She smiled politely as she pointed to a chair for Joe to sit in. She took Stephanie to the attached bathroom and had her give a urine sample for tests, then change into a gown before she was settled in the bed. She drew a few tubes of blood and labeled all the samples before going to the in-room computer. Joe rung his hands nervously as the line of questioning started. He leaned back in the chair and closed his eyes. He didn't belong in here.

"Did you have pain before today?" Steph just said she'd had a few pains like it over the last couple weeks, but she thought it was probably a pulled muscle or something. Joe looked at her and saw the look in her eyes, she was scared. Shit. He knew he couldn't bolt.

"Any pain when bending, lifting, going to the bathroom, having sex?" the nurse questioned.

"Um, bending and lifting does hurt a little, like my muscles are stretching weirdly. And, um, when I pee it kind of burns. I was wondering if I was getting a bladder infection, but then we've been having a lot of sex lately and it's been kind of physical so I thought maybe I was just, you know, sore from that. The sex doesn't hurt though," she added quickly. She knew her cheeks were flaming bright red from the answers, but Kathy was a nurse, there was nothing to be ashamed of. Right?

"Is there a chance you could be pregnant?" Her eyes flew up to meet the nurse's. Joe saw the panic there for a moment. "Is that a maybe?"

"Oh my god," she said. "No. I have an IUD. So no, I don't think so." Joe made a face then. He wondered when she'd gotten that. He was always forced to use a condom, but Manoso got to go bareback. That didn't seem fair at all.

"When was your last period?"

Steph's eyes just widened as she thought about it. "Um, the first week of September."

"That was eight weeks ago," Joe mumbled to himself.

"Fuck," Stephanie cursed as she looked him in the eye. He knew how regular she was.

The nurse chuckled a little as she typed into the computer. "I'll have the lab run the tests before the doctor comes in." Joe followed her out of the room. "Something I can help you with Mr. Morelli?"

"Detective Morelli, and yes," he said quietly. "If you breathe a word to anyone about her being pregnant before she has a chance to tell the kid's dad, I'll be forced to share with everyone in The Burg how you spent the night of your junior prom."

Her eyes widened and narrowed at him. "Understood, Detective."

"Thank you, nurse," he said with a nod before going back inside to sit with Steph. She was lying on the bed with her eyes closed. "You want me to call Manoso?"

"No, not yet. I want to hear what the doctor says first," she said quietly. "You'll stay with me, right?"

"Yeah, sure," he agreed as he sat on the edge of her bed and took her hand. "You'll be alright."

That was when the anxiety hit her full on. She felt the tears start to fall. "God, everyone's going to know about this before we leave here," she cried.

Joe moved to her side, holding her against him, rubbing her back soothingly. "No they won't. I just threatened to tell Kathy's dirtiest secret if she breathed a word about it," Joe assured her.

Stephanie giggled a little. "Maybe you're more RangeMan material than you think, Morelli."

"Yeah, well, loving you makes a man crazy," he told her. God, she was a terrible person, it really should be Carlos here holding her, not Joe. Poor Joe who was obviously still hung up on her. God. She felt the tears start again. "It'll be alright, Steph, come on," Joe said with a kiss to her forehead.

"I don't know if I can do this," she said sadly.

"We'll just wait to see what the doctor says and we'll figure things out, alright?" She nodded and sniffled her nose. Joe laid beside her and held her against his side. He really didn't know what to do, but this seemed like the only thing he really could do. He'd take care of her if she wanted him to.

"What do you have on Nurse Kathy?" she asked quietly.

Joe laughed, that was his girl, she couldn't let anything stand in the way of her and some gossip. "You keep it to yourself or it'll do no good in the future," he warned. She nodded yes. "The night of her junior prom we were all drinking at a party and Mooch and I banged her."

Stephanie just blinked at him. That was not what she expected to hear. "Together?"

Joe just laughed and nodded, "Like a pair of finger cuffs." He used his pointer fingers to demonstrate the motion with the line he'd stolen from her.

Stephanie's laughter hurt her stomach, "God, you're such a pig. I can't believe you did that."

He laughed back at her. "Like you never thought about Manoso and me doing the same to you." Her eyebrows raised in question. "Connie has some loose lips when she's drinking."

"Oh, my, God," she whispered as she covered her eyes. "Do not repeat that, ever."

He just smiled as he held her a little closer. They sat quietly and she seemed to get more nervous the longer they waited for the doctor to come in. She was never good with hospitals, but he knew she'd hold it together for her baby. He always knew she'd be a great mom. How couldn't she be? She was the most loving person he ever met. It was only killing him now because he wished it was his baby growing inside of her, but she didn't need to know that, so he plastered a smile on his lips and held her hand for support.

The nurse returned with a big mug of ice water and a bag of fluids which she hung and started an IV for. Stephanie laughed a little at the looks exchanged between Joe and the nurse; at least that distracted her from the needle poke. She hated needles.

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"Miss Plum?" the doctor said coming in almost an hour and a half later. "Dr. Miranda Cummings." Joe stood and looked at her. She was a good looking woman in her early thirties with blond hair and large breasts. "Congratulations, we confirmed the pregnancy."

"Thanks," Steph whispered quietly.

"You plan to continue the pregnancy?" Steph nodded yes and covered her stomach with her hands. That wasn't even something she had to think about. She couldn't harm her baby. "Alright, then we'll start the exam." Steph just nodded again. "We ran the tests on the urine sample and it showed signs of a urinary tract infection. That is most likely the cause of the pain you've been experiencing. Have they decreased since you've had fluids?"

"Yes. Is the baby is alright?" she asked then.

"We'll take a look just to make sure. I'm going to need to do a pelvic exam and an ultrasound to check the location of your IUD and the fetus." Steph just nodded again.

Joe looked away as the doctor put her feet into the stirrups and proceeded to do a pelvic exam. Now he always thought that some other woman fingering Steph would be something he'd get off on, but this was not a turn on at all. In fact, he felt a little sick. Christ, this should really be Manoso here, he thought. "I can't feel the strings for the IUD but, everything looks healthy here. I'm going to do a pap, you're due for it anyway." Steph shook her head. "Do you need to be tested for STDs or are you sure your partner is clean?"

"Um, I'm good. We both tested when they put the IUD in and we've been monogamous." Joe rolled his eyes. He wondered if she ever believed he was monogamous when they were together. He doubted she ever trusted him that much. Then again, they were on a lot of breaks over the years and did have that non-commitment agreement. He couldn't be blamed for the women he'd seen when they weren't officially together, right?

Steph stayed in the stirrups while the doctor prepared the ultrasound machine. Joe shifted on his feet a little. He felt like a pervert, watching something like this. He caught Steph's look, she was glaring at him. "Stay by my head," she grumbled.

"Sorry, Cupcake," he said with a smirk. He hadn't realized he had stepped down by her knees to watch the show. That was kind of embarrassing, but hey, he'd seen it all before, just not being worked by whatever that dildo looking thing was. He wondered what was wrong with him, it was a medical test. Maybe he was sick, sexually. That would explain a lot.

He was brought out of his thoughts by a really fast pounding noise coming from the machine. "That's your babies' heartbeats," the doctor smiled at Steph. She twisted her wrist and the machine got a different angle, the measurements were taken on the screen. The doctor smiled at her. "See this spot here?" Steph nodded. "And this one here?" Steph nodded again. "It looks like you're having twins."

"What?" Steph almost screamed.

"Two babies," the doctor said with another grin. "You look to be eight weeks along already." She pulled out a little card with a dial and smiled again. "Which will make your due date June 10th."

"Two babies," Steph whispered again. "I can handle one baby. I can't take care of two babies."

"You'll be fine Miss Plum. You will be great parents to these babies." This time the doctor smiled and patted Joe on the arm.

"Yeah, Steph, you'll be a great mom," Joe answered. "And I'll help you anyway I can. You know that." He smiled at the screen as he looked at Steph's babies. "They're your little Cupcakes."

The doctor smiled and grabbed some photos off the printer. They were labeled with Baby A and Baby B. Joe grinned and shook her hand. "Thank you doctor."

"You're welcome Mr. Manoso," she nodded back.

"No, sorry, I'm not Mr. Manoso," he said.

"He had an important meeting today. This is my friend Joe. He's the uncle," Steph said taking the photos from him and staring at them.

"Oh, alright," the doctor said smiling at Joe. "When was the last time you checked to see if your IUD was in place?"

Steph just shrugged, "Um, I don't know. I guess in July I noticed it."

The doctor nodded. "It's not in place and I don't see anything in the uterus. It was most likely expelled without your notice. That can happen during your period," she said. "That is probably how you got pregnant."

"Oh, boy," Steph muttered as her mind started going in overdrive until it hit her. They'd had sex on Ranger's birthday, in the hot tub. He said he thought something poked him, but when he checked he didn't find anything. After that they didn't think about it any further since he didn't get poked again. "I think it did come out."

"Good, then we won't have to worry about those risks," she said with a smile. "I am concerned about you fainting though. Have you been eating and getting enough rest?"

"Probably not," Steph confirmed.

She nodded back, "Your blood sugar and iron are both low. You need to get at least twenty-eight hundred calories from healthy foods each day. Eat a small snack every couple hours to keep up your blood sugar throughout the day. I also want you drinking ten glasses of water a day, cut out caffeine if you can. Dehydration can cause some cramping and dizziness as well. Also, aim for eight hours of sleep. You're going to need it to keep up with those babies." Stephanie nodded, she had no idea how she was going to do all of that. "Everything looks really good, Stephanie. We'll get you some antibiotics and prenatal vitamins with extra iron and you should be good to go here," she told her. "I'd like to see you again in ten days just to make sure the infection is cleared up."

"Do you have an office here at the hospital?" Joe asked.

"I'm in the women's health building on the south side," she said taking two cards out of her pocket. She wrote on the back of one and gave it to Joe. "That's my cell in case you have any questions."

"Thank you, Dr. Cummings," he said with a big smile.

"Miranda," she corrected with a sexy smile. "Maybe you should call me later."

"Maybe I should," he agreed as he looked her up and down with his fuck me eyes. He watched her ass as she retreated out the door. He could definitely use some of that.

The nurse came back in with discharge papers detailing the doctor's instructions, a binder full of pregnancy information, and the prescription papers. Once they had the IV out of her arm they were on their way out of the hospital. "You want me to drive?" he asked. She just nodded yes. He opened the door to the car for her. She tossed her bag and the binder inside and looked back up at him. "Twins, Joe? What the hell am I going to do now?"

He smiled at her as he settled an arm around her shoulder to pull her against his side. The other hand covered her stomach and touched her gently right at the waistband of her jeans, rubbing small circles. "You're going to be the luckiest mommy around because you get twice the hugs, and kisses, and love." She looked up at him and smiled weakly. "And Carlos will be the luckiest guy around because he'll be surrounded by the proof of your love for him."

Steph broke into sobs and turned into Joe's body. He held her tightly, rocking her until the crying slowed. "You called him Carlos," she whispered.

Joe nodded with a slight smile. "I'm sure he'll prove himself worthy of it." He kissed her nose and helped her into the car.

"Thank you, Uncle Joe," she grinned at him. Joe shook his head, he knew she'd be just fine. As he walked around the car he began to laugh. Steph and Ranger having twins, Christ, the kids would probably be blowing things up before they turned one.

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Cris "Boner" Mendez was sitting in the light blue Ford Taurus he used for surveillance, not that he was doing surveillance. Nope, he was stuck following the boss' girlfriend for the day. Boner got his name the first week. Every time Steph bent over he was pitching a tent. Fucking Lester Santos, pointed it out to their boss and the boss wasn't happy.

The thing that pissed off Cris was that he was sure Santos, himself, had a thing for her. Ranger didn't like anyone looking at his woman, but Cris saw the way Lester looked at her. He wondered if he should point that out to Ranger. It wasn't like he tried anything with her like Santos did, he was always putting his hands on her.

Besides, if she didn't want guys to look at her she shouldn't swing her ass around the office in those little skirts and tight pants. She was the one to blame, but she walked around the office like she owned it. Everyone knew she was nothing more than Ranger's whore, he'd never marry a girl like her. That's probably why he never set a wedding date. He figured Ranger just needed a little coaxing to get him to agree that she didn't belong there.

He also knew why Ranger put him on Steph watch today, even though there was no threat. He wanted to see if Cris was properly trained to tail her in case they had an emergency order come in. The funny thing was, she wasn't even driving the car anymore. She picked up her cop, ex-boyfriend, and drove them to that dive diner. When they came out he was all over her, then he actually lifted her and carried her to the car. She let him drive the car that Ranger bought her as a gift. Whore.

Cris wasn't stupid, he heard about Ranger and Stephanie's past and he knew Morelli was still a sore spot with the boss. He also knew Ranger didn't want Morelli anywhere near Steph, but Ranger wouldn't hurt her by demanding she end their lifelong friendship, if that's what you could call it, without provocation. He figured with the right proof Ranger's demands would piss off the princess and she'd have to decide between two of the guys she was stringing along.

Boner took some photos of her in Morelli's arms, of Morelli kissing her forehead, of Morelli driving her car. He followed them to the hospital and started to second guess himself. He wondered if he should forget his plan and just call this into Ranger. He fidgeted in his seat for the next two and a half hours, waiting for her to reappear.

Cris looked on as Morelli walked her to the car, holding her hand. He put her into the passenger seat, where she pulled him in for a kiss, then he took her keys. Cris got all the right photos of it all, even Morelli smiling and laughing as he walked around the car, before getting in and driving them out of the Burg.

Cris followed behind, keeping the car in his sights. He was surprised when they pulled up at a drug store off Stark Street. It was a weird place to shop when there was a drug store just a few blocks from the hospital. Morelli got out and ran into the store leaving Stephanie outside. Cris pulled out the binoculars and looked into the store. He laughed. "Busted," he muttered to himself after a few minutes. He had a box in his hand from the family planning section that looked like rubbers.

Morelli got into the car and handed the bag to Steph. He snapped some more photos of the bag and her leaning over to hug him. He knew this would be enough to plant the seed of doubt in Ranger. It was just a matter of time before everyone knew she was porking the cop on the side

He followed her car back to the Burg where they were clearly headed to his house. When they got out he took her hand and kissed her cheek again. She nodded to him and shook the bag at him with a smile. Then he pulled her into the house.

They were there just over thirty minutes when she came back outside looking a little crazy. Her hair was all over the place, her make-up was washed off, and she was walking a little slowly, with her hands pressed to her stomach like she was praying almost.

Cris laughed, he definitely had her this time. She looked like she just got nailed. He took some more photos of her all crazy looking and Morelli hugging her in the driveway. He couldn't wait to show these to Ranger.

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Stephanie was still feeling wobbly when she left Joe's house. She wasn't ready to head home. She needed time to think all this through before she told Ranger. And while Joe had been great today, he didn't understand what she was going through. She definitely needed her girls. She text them all and had Joe drive her over to Mary Lou's house.

Mary Lou was waiting at the door like usual. She frowned when her eyes landed on Joe, but she hugged Steph. "You alright?"

"No," Steph whispered back and handed her the ultrasound photos. "I'm knocked up."

"Holy crap."

"I know, now I have to figure out how to tell Carlos."

Mary Lou smiled and patted her hand. "He'll be happy. I know it," she told her. "Maybe not about that though. What the hell is Morelli doing here?"

Steph looked out the window and made a face. "He was at the hospital with me. He's the only one that knows I'm pregnant."

"What? Are you crazy? You can't take your ex to your OB appointment. That's for the daddy," she yelled at Steph.

"It wasn't like that. I fainted and he took me to the ER. I didn't know I was going to find out I was pregnant. Plus, he's been really sweet to me today, so be nice."

"Jesus jumped up Christ on a crutch, Steph," Mary Lou said with a shake of her head. "Ranger needs to know before the Burg sees you running around with Morelli."

"We were just having lunch, like we do every week."

"Shit. You know that's not normal either," Mary Lou said as she opened the door to greet him. "Hey, Morelli."

"Mary Lou," he answered with a smile and a nod. "Eddie's going to pick me up in a few."

"Good. Sorry about stranding you without a car," Steph apologized.

"No problem." He followed them into the sunny kitchen and pulled out a chair for Steph. "Doctor says she needs healthy snacks every couple hours so she don't pass out again. I didn't want her driving until she had some food in her."

Mary Lou agreed with him, even though she didn't like it. She knew Joe Morelli still had a thing for her even though Steph had clearly put him in the friend zone. The thing was, you could never trust Morelli to stay there. He had a way of talking women out of their panties, especially Stephanie. "Don't do anything stupid. Ranger is the daddy," Mary Lou warned him.

"I understand," he said making a face. "That doesn't mean I won't be here for her if she needs it." Mary Lou made a face back at him. He didn't give a shit what she thought. He knew Steph had to tell Manoso about the babies yet and he wondered how the other man would react. He was a loose cannon, anything was possible. The one thing Joe did know was that if Manoso fucked this up he'd take care of her, and he'd raise those kids as his own if she'd let him.

Eddie pulled up before they could argue about it further. Mary Lou walked him to the door and grabbed his arm. "Don't wreck this for her, Morelli. She's in love with him and they're going to have a family together. You have to move on," she told him quietly.

"I've been trying for three years," he whispered back to her before he left the house.

8888888888888888

Five minutes later she was sitting in Mary Lou's living room with a sandwich, a peeled orange, a cup of cottage cheese, and a bottle of water. Mary Lou wasn't about to let her get dizzy again. Steph thought about all the stuff she had in her fridge and felt like crying. She'd never be able to feed her babies when she could barely take care of herself. She was going to be a disaster.

"You know everything will be fine," Mary Lou told her. "I didn't know how to do this when I had the first one either, but you learn. Plus, we'll all be here to help you and you will have Ella there to help you whenever you need it."

"I'm just so scared that Carlos is going to be angry or disappointed in me," she whispered.

"There is no chance of that. He loves you so much, Steph. I've never seen a man look at a woman the way he looks at you before," Mary Lou said hugging her close. "He'll never be disappointed that you're starting a family together."

"The timing is just so bad. I should have married him months ago," she whimpered. "We never even talked about kids. What if he doesn't want any?"

"You know he does. He's said that he wants kids someday."

Stephanie shook her head. "With Ranger though, someday isn't always a real thing. It's more like wishful thinking."

"Sure, but then you're making his wish come true." Stephanie just nodded and continued to cry. She hoped Mary Lou was right.

Val knocked and let herself in the house. She sat down and looked at her weeping sister. "What's wrong?" she asked with sincere concern.

Stephanie started to cry harder. "I'm pregnant."

"Holy shit," Connie said as she crossed the room and sat on the other side of Steph. "When are you due?"

"June tenth," she sniffled. They both nodded to her while Mary Lou returned with some water bottles for the other girls too.

"It'll be fine, Steph," Val told her. "At least you know who the daddy is."

Steph gave her a weird look and nodded yes. "Sure, and you're engaged to him so there's no question that he'd just be marrying you because you're pregnant," Connie agreed. Steph made another face. She guessed they were reasonable concerns, just not any that she had before that moment.

"You tell them about Baby Brown?" Lula asked Connie as she walked into the room to join the others.

All eyes turned to Connie. "You're pregnant too?" Stephanie asked.

Connie shrugged, "Yep. I'm due May fifth."

"What'd you mean too?" Lula asked Stephanie. Stephanie just nodded to her. "Oh, holy crap. You're having the batbaby?"

"Babies," Stephanie corrected.

All eyes fell back on her. "What?" Val asked.

"Twins. We're having twins."

Val's mouth opened and closed a few times. "When did you find that out?"

"An hour and a half ago. Joe took me to the emergency room and they did an ultrasound. There are two of them in there," she said putting her hand on her stomach before she pulled out the photos and showed them to her friends.

"They are Ranger's babies, right?" Val asked then.

Steph was about to smack her. Why was that a question? "Of course they are, yeesh."

"Well, sometimes things just happen. I wasn't judging you," Val muttered.

"What do you mean things just happen?" Steph asked. She knew something was up with her sister.

"You know," she said quietly. "Like you're at a party and doing shots and the next thing you know you're hanging upside down over the back of a chair while some sex god nails you."

Mary Lou started snorting then. "I can't believe that just came out of your mouth."

"That's what she said," Connie added with a laugh.

"Girl, you did not just do a that's what she said joke," Lula chided her. "You're starting to sound like Bobby and Lester."

"Oh, that's just great. What if that shit is sexually transmitted? God, what if it's genetic and I'm catching it from my baby?" Connie asked like she was truly concerned. "I'll just be telling bad jokes until my mulatto baby is born."

"You can't call it that," Stephanie said scrunching up her nose.

"My mother did," Connie grumbled.

"Are you serious? That's so, racist." Steph was really offended for poor Connie, and Bobby. She'd kill anyone that called her babies something like that. "You don't think that do you?"

"Of course not. I don't care if it's born polka dotted. I love this baby. I love its idiot father too," she said. "I'm just sick of them talking about my 'dark' boyfriend and my mulatto baby. I hate my Family sometimes. They're so nineteen fifties when it comes to some things."

"Mulatto? Isn't that one of them Pepperidge Farms cookies, with the chocolate in the middle?" Lula asked like she was confused.

"That's Milano," Mary Lou corrected her.

"Huh," Lula said with a shrug. "You got any cookies?"

"I did it with Lester!" Val yelled.

All eyes were back on Val. "What?" Stephanie nearly screamed.

"At Ranger's birthday party," she said. "There were the body shots and the sexy music and his hands were like magic. I couldn't help it." Steph's mouth was hanging open in shock. "Stop looking at me like that. It's your fault with all your sex talk. You were just going on and on about Ranger and your magical orgasms. I deserved one night like that, right?"

"Sure you did," Mary Lou agreed. "We aren't judging you. You just surprised us."

Stephanie looked up at her best friend and narrowed her eyes at her. Something was fishy here. Mary Lou would like nothing better than to judge her once perfect sister and she knew it, they both did. "What'd you do, Lou?"

Mary Lou's eyes widen as she looked away. "I'm not pregnant with Ranger's love babies," she said. "Let's focus on you."

"I don't think so," Steph said. "Spill."

"It's not as good of a story as Connie not telling Bobby she's pregnant," she argued.

"I doubt that," Steph argued again.

"Well, I didn't have sex with Lester," she said pointing at Val. "We need the details."

"After you tell," Val said. Stephanie smiled and bumped fists with her.

"I got one. I'm married," Lula said quietly.

They all turned to her. "What?" Connie asked.

"After Ranger's birthday party Tank and I went down to Atlantic City and got married," she said. "We didn't want to announce it before you and Ranger got married, but that's never gonna happen, is it?"

"We're going to get married."

"Yeah, when?" Lula asked.

"Well, I don't know," she sighed. "Not until the babies are born now. I don't want people to think it's a pity marriage like his first marriage was."

"What if he demands you get married like he did with Rachel?" Connie asked then.

"He doesn't order me around." Stephanie's words were brave, but inside she had her own doubts. She thought he'd either demand they get married so that the babies wouldn't be bastards or he'd get so pissed at her for getting pregnant that he'd go into the wind and never be seen again. In all likelihood, the first was probably more likely. It wasn't even that she didn't want to get married. She just put it off because her mother was going crazy, planning a big Burg wedding and his mother was demanding that they get married in Newark, at the church where he was baptized. Plus, Lula and Connie were telling her she should just go to Vegas and just get it over with. While Mary Lou was dreaming of something on a tropical island, in the nude. None of those things seemed right for her and Ranger. She just didn't know what was and frankly, she wasn't in a hurry. They were happy, together, and in love. The legal binding wouldn't do anything to make them happier.

"I'd be happy to marry Bobby. He just isn't there yet and I don't want to trap him with this news," Connie offered.

"Trap his ass good," Lula told her. "That man shouldn't have been putting it to you for three years if he wasn't ready for a commitment."

Val shook her head, "She has a point."

"Sure, I'm going to take advice from the two of you," Connie snorted at them. "You tricked Tank into thinking he proposed that first time and you, you slept with Lester while your husband was home with your four kids."

"Oh, sure, now you're on my ass," Val yelled. "Last year you were all looking for me to get laid. Well, ladies, I got laid. Frontward and backward and sideways…"

"And upside down, apparently," Stephanie added.

"Right," Val sighed as she flopped back onto the couch.

"Life was a lot easier when all we did was play with Barbie dolls," Mary Lou said with a sigh too.

"That's because Ken doesn't have a dick," Steph agreed. "He couldn't accidently fuck her IUD out in the hot tub and get her pregnant, with twins."

"Mm hmm," Mary Lou agreed. "Just imagine having a Barbie dream life."

"I'd be Jungle Fever Barbie," Connie said, then she started to giggle. "I'd come with a really buff, black Ken."

"I'd be one of those career ones, Bounty Hunting Ho Barbie," Lula laughed. "I'd come with a lot of spandex dresses, handcuffs, and a gun."

"Oh, I could be Bombshell Barbie. I'd come with my own exploding car," Stephanie laughed too.

"And I'd be PTA Barbie," Val said. "I'd come with a minivan and cupcakes."

"And your Security Specialist Ken could visit the dream house for the occasional hump while Lawyer Ken was at work," Steph told her sister.

"You're one to talk," Val said while glaring back at her. "Yours can come with both Detective Ken and Special Forces Ken so you can pretend to be torn between them for five years."

"Christ, why are you being such a bitch? I was just teasing," Stephanie yelled at her.

"Because you have your perfect little life, with your perfect boyfriend, and your babies will probably be perfect too," Val huffed.

"My life is far from perfect."

Val rolled her eyes. "You have no idea what it's been like trying to live up to you. You were always the beautiful, wild, crazy, fun one and I was boring. I'm sick of being boring."

"You're not boring," Stephanie told her. "You were never boring. You were more, uptight, but we can't say that anymore. You're one of us now."

"That's true," Connie agreed. "You banged a RangeMan, you're in the club now."

By that point they were all laughing. Mary Lou finally sighed and said, "I could be Ménage a' trois Barbie and come with High School Sweetheart Ken and his replacement Boy-toy Blaine."

"That reminds me," Stephanie said laughing. "Joe and Mooch Morelli totally fucked some girl together in high school." She demonstrated with her pointer fingers like she had finger cuffs.

"Oh, God," Val sputtered. "I'll never fantasize about that again."

"Wait," Lula said. She looked over at Mary Lou. "We're missing something here. Did you have a threesome?"

Mary Lou just nodded. "Lenny asked what I wanted for my birthday and, well, he agreed to it."

"Holy shit," Steph whispered like it was a secret.

"Who was it?" Connie asked. "Was it that hottie that works for Ranger?"

Mary Lou smiled and wiggled her eyebrows. "Zero."

"Oh, holy hell," Lula said waving her hands. "I'm the old married, normal one. You all are doing the crazy shit."

"I'm not doing crazy shit," Stephanie said.

"Really?" Lula asked. "Cause my husband was telling me that you've been fucking nonstop for the last two weeks, in the office, the gym, the garage, the conference room..."

"The babies don't like sugar," she said justifying her behavior. "It's worse than the Vordo. I just can't keep off of him."

"I couldn't either, if given the chance," Val agreed.

"You're not getting the chance. He's mine, all mine, forever," Steph told her.

"You're greedy."

Stephanie laughed, she didn't care if she was greedy. She'd never share that man with anyone and he'd never have to share her. "How in the world did we get here?" she asked her friends. "Seriously, we all have issues."

"I don't have issues," Lula told them.

"You have a secret husband. You should be shouting it from the heavens," Steph told her. "Announce it tonight. For me. It'll make me feel less pressure to make my own announcement."

Lula nodded at her and moved over to hug her friend. "I'm Mrs. Tank and I shouldn't have to hide that."

"Fuckin A," Steph told her.

"And you," Lula said pointing at Connie. "You need to tell your baby daddy that you love his black ass and that you're having his little cookie baby."

Connie's eyes just got wide. "You're really going to do it, Steph? You're going to tell Ranger about the babies?"

"He's going to figure it out sooner or later," she said as she rested her hands on her stomach. "It's not like I can hide two babies from him. You should tell Bobby too."

"Alright," Connie agreed. "After the show."

"After the show," Steph agreed.

Then they turned to focus on Val. "And you," Steph said shaking her head. "Was this a onetime thing with Lester?" Val shrugged back at her. Stephanie rolled her eyes. "So that means no. How many times have you been with him?"

"Just a few," Val muttered.

"You're not in love with him, are you?" Connie asked then.

"No," she said too quickly. "It's just sex."

"You know you can't keep doing it with him. Someone is going to find out and you're going to lose Albert," Stephanie told her.

"I know," Val sighed. "It's just that he does things you wouldn't believe. I never even knew I had a g-spot before." The other women's eyes got huge as they waited for more. "And he's so big, Steph. Remember the night of the haunted house? He felt big, but holy crap, you have no idea until he's standing there naked and hard. I've had to really work to take all of him in my mouth."

"Oh my god," Stephanie muttered to herself as she leaned back on the couch and covered her ears.

"I don't want to give it up," Val said taking her hand away so she could hear. "It's like an addiction. Every time I see him I just want to get him naked and climb him."

"Crap," Steph muttered again. "Is being a nympho genetic? Maybe it really is a Mazur gene or something."

"I could see that," Connie agreed with a laugh.

"That's shit," Lula told her. "You both just found a couple of extremely hot, well hung men that know how to fuck a woman properly. That ain't genetics. That's luck."

"Then we all hit the fucking jack pot," Connie agreed.

"Maybe you should talk to Lester about showing Albert some of his moves or you know, talk to Albert about watching you with Lester so he can see how to do some things," Mary Lou suggested. Val looked terrified before she shook her head no. "It's not so bad. It's actually really sexy to know someone is watching you, like you're performing for your husband."

"I couldn't do it," Steph said.

"You don't have to," Connie said waving at her. "You're marrying your sex god."

"Ranger would fucking kill any man that went near you anyway," Lula said matter-of-factly.

"Good," Steph answered. "I'd kill him if he ever suggested something like that."

"Tankie knows better than that too," Lula agreed. "We took our vows and this doodah belongs to him."

"That's in the vows?" Connie asked.

"Sure, for richer or poor, in sickness and in health, forsaking all other cocks for all the days of your life," Stephanie said laughing.

"Damn skippy," Lula agreed.

"I don't know. I think Mary Lou is right about Val though," Connie said thoughtfully. "This might be the only way to save her marriage. You can't go back to mediocre dick and farting after having a RangeMan." Steph raised an eyebrow at Connie. "What? I tried it. There was no going back."

"You tried it too, Steph. Were you satisfied with Joe after you had Ranger?" Mary Lou asked knowingly.

"Joe was, good," Steph grumbled. They all looked at her, waiting for her to go on. "Okay, fine. There was no getting over Ranger. He ruined me for all other men. Maybe you should think about it."

Val's eyes grew big. "Are you serious?" They all shook their heads in return. "Mom will kill me if she finds out."

"I'll tell her about the babies and she'll forget you did anything wrong," Steph assured her. It wasn't a lie. Anything Steph did ruined her mother's life a little.

"Speaking of that," Val said looking sheepish. "Mom sent me a photo. She thinks you and Morelli are getting back together."

Steph took the phone and saw the photo of Joe holding her in his arms this morning. "Christ. I fainted."

"You need to tell Ranger before he thinks you're hitting the sheets with Morelli," Connie said showing the photo on her phone too. "He'll kill him."

"Great," Steph mumbled to herself. She knew this was going to be an interesting night. She wondered if she should warn Joe.

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Steph took the elevator to the fifth floor, but Ranger's office was empty. She felt an arm slide around her shoulder. She turned and looked up at Tank. "You alright little girl?" he asked.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" she asked.

He nodded to her and they went into his office together. They sat in the chairs that faced his desk. "This about the party?"

She shook her head. "No, everything should be fine for tonight."

He nodded back to her. "Then what's wrong, Steph?"

"I, uh, well," she started but couldn't find her words.

Lester knocked and peeked his head inside the office surprised to find Stephanie inside. "Hey, Beautiful," he grinned. "Mind if I join you?"

She shook her head no. "Can you both keep a secret? Ranger can't know."

"The party?" Lester asked.

"I, uh, something happened today I need to talk to you about. I don't know if Ranger will freak out and I don't want to ruin anything between us, but I guess it's kind of too late now," she babbled.

Lester swallowed hard. He saw the photos that Boner took and punched him in the face for it. No way was she fucking Morelli, no way. "What happened?" Tank asked.

"Promise to let me tell him?" she asked again, clearly scared. They both nodded to her. "I'm pregnant."

"It's Ranger's baby?" Lester asked without thinking. Suddenly Tank's stapler sailed through the air and hit him between the eyes. "I just meant it's not Morelli's, right?"

"Were you following me?" she asked as she glared at him.

"No, Boner was." She rolled her eyes. She didn't like Cris, there was something about him that gave her the creeps; she just didn't know what.

"I was out for lunch with Joe and got these awful stomach pains and fainted so he took me to the hospital. Anyway, they did some tests and I'm pregnant."

"Holy crap," Lester muttered as it really sunk in.

"I haven't slept with anyone but Ranger for the last three years," she said as she started to freak out again.

Tank stood, picked her up, and hugged her to him. "Of course you haven't. Any idiot could see that," he said shooting Lester a look.

"God, he isn't going to think that is he?" she gasped.

"Come on, Steph. Ranger trusts you more than anyone in this world. He'd never be as stupid as Santos."

She laughed at Tank's words. "We didn't plan this. We never even talked about this. What if he doesn't want our babies?"

"Now you're being stupid. How couldn't he love a little, mini Steph?" Lester said laughing.

"Wait," Tank said interrupting her. "Babies?"

"Twins," she confirmed. "We're having two babies."

Lester took a few seconds to process her words. The great Ranger Manoso did it again, he wasn't just man enough to make a baby with the most beautiful woman in New Jersey. Nope, he had to make two babies with her. He was going to shit his pants when he this finds out. Lester threw his head back and laughed. "This is amazing. You're amazing, Beautiful," he yelled lifting her from the ground. He spun her around as he hugged her against him. When he put her down he pressed a big sloppy kiss to her lips. She was dizzy when he was done. "I'm going to be an uncle," he laughed again while doing a little dance.

"Dork," she told him with a laugh.

He caught her again, this time raining little kisses all over her head. She pushed at his chest laughing. "We're going to have little mini Rangemen," he said happily. "I'm going to have to find baby Kevlar."

"You really are a dork," Steph grinned, grabbing his ears she pulled him down and kissed his forehead. "And you're not putting Kevlar on my babies."

"One of each," Tank said. "That's what I want."

Stephanie rolled her eyes. "You and the wife will be babysitting, just so you know."

"Awe, shit, Steph," Tank mumbled. "We were gonna tell you."

"I know," she told him. "I'm so happy for you, but I told Lula you have to come out of the closet tonight. I expect you to support that."

His eyes widen as he looked down at the little brunette. He would have never thought she could wield so much power when he met her all those years ago, but here she was ordering him to do something. No one dared do that besides Ranger. He shook his head, leave it to Ranger to fall in love with a girl whose balls were as big as his. "Yes Ma'am."

"You married Lula?" Lester asked. "Why? You didn't have to do it unless Ranger actually went through with marrying Steph, and he didn't do that yet."

Stephanie's eyes narrowed as she turned on Lester. "Who bet on my wedding?"

"Uh," Lester said trying to sidestep the glare. "It was a two year old, drunkin bet, Beautiful. It didn't mean anything. We didn't think you two would ever get your shit together enough to commit. I'm sorry."

"And you," she yelled at Tank. "You bet you'd marry Lula if we got married? Was that supposed to be a punishment or a reward?"

"Awe, fuck," Tank muttered again. "That's why we got married in August. I knew you two were close and I didn't want people thinking I married her due to the bet. I love her."

"Christ," Steph growled at him. "Who else knows about this?"

"Just Bobby," he muttered.

Steph pulled out her cell and punched in Bobby's number. "Get your ass up to Tank's office now." She hung up without waiting for his response. She was pissed.

Minutes later Bobby knocked and entered the small room. "What's wrong, Steph?"

"The three of you made a bet about me getting married which would result in Tank and Lula getting married?" she growled at him.

"Oh, shit," he said making a face. "It was a long time ago."

"I don't care how long ago it was. If Lula ever, ever learns you idiots made such a bet I'll castrate each of you. Do you understand?" she yelled at them.

"Beautiful," Lester muttered.

"No, you will not hurt her with this. They are going to have a happy, wonderful marriage and we'll all keep this secret forever," she said not backing down.

"You're marrying her?" Bobby asked.

"We got married on August 13th," Tank muttered. "We're announcing it later."

Bobby looked shocked, but started to laugh. "Holy shit. I always thought Ranger would be the first one of us to do stupid shit like get married and have kids."

"Well, you ain't heard shit yet. Steph's pregnant," Lester told him excitedly.

Bobby clapped. "So I was half right."

Steph smacked him upside the head. "You weren't right at all you idiot."

"What was that for?" he growled at her.

"You had better ask Tank where he bought a ring and get yourself ready to do the right thing before the night is over," she answered with a glare. "If you walk out on Connie again I'll kick your ass and I don't care if I'm pregnant. I think it makes me meaner. Must be all that Manoso DNA I'm carrying around." All three guys shuddered at the thought of their shared DNA; that would be a deadly combination.

Bobby's blank face slammed down as her words sunk into his thick skull. He sat in the chair and looked at the floor. "A baby?"

"Yeah, a baby," Steph told him. "Your baby."

"How did that happen?" he questioned.

Lester hooted. "If you don't know that, you've got worse problems than a couple angry, pregnant, Italian women kicking your ass."

Bobby smacked him in the arm. "I just meant we were using rubbers."

"You love her?" Tank asked.

"Yeah, I love her. She's great," Bobby said with a shrug. "I just never thought about getting married before."

"I have a feeling if you're not ready to do that you're going to lose her and the baby. Her Family won't let her do this on her own," Tank said gently. Bobby nodded his head. He knew Tank was right. "I thank God every day that I married the woman I love. Nothing's better than knowing we're going to spend the rest of our lives together."

They were all quiet as they contemplated that. Bobby finally squared his shoulders and nodded. "Don't mention to anyone that we had this conversation. I don't want her to feel like she trapped me."

Steph smiled at him and pulled him into a big hug. Bobby held her back and finally started to laugh. "What?" Steph questioned.

"My little man can marry one of your girls someday," he answered as he rubbed his hand over her stomach.

"Who says they're girls?" Steph asked.

"She's right, Ranger's balls are probably shooting little soldiers," Tank said laughing.

"You forget about Julie," Bobby argued.

"Ah, shit, I forgot about Julie," Lester said in a panicked voice. "That's what I came in here to tell you."

"What?" Stephanie asked getting scared that something happened to her stepdaughter.

"Seems she got mad at her mother and hopped a plane to Jersey. She checked herself into a hotel downtown. She wants you to talk Ranger into letting her stay here with the two of you." Lester waited for Stephanie's reaction. He wondered if she'd get pissed about the teenager moving in with them. She hadn't signed on to be an instant mother to a sixteen year old girl.

"Crap. Okay, I'm going to need your help with all this," she finally said.

"With what?" Tank asked.

"Everything," she sighed. "I need to go talk to Julie and figure out what is going on. Plus, I don't want to spring the babies on Ranger before we figure out this stuff with Julie. She obviously needs her dad and I don't want to put the babies in the way of that. So you'll have to keep this to yourselves for a little bit." She put her hand over her stomach protectively. She could keep this to herself for a few days.

"I'll help you out, Beautiful, anything you need," Lester smiled and patted her arm. "And I'll go with you to see Julie this afternoon, alright?" She nodded back to him and relaxed a little more. "I have Manny on her door. So she'll be fine where she is for the night."

"Tell him soon," Tank warned. He didn't like keeping something like that from Ranger. He deserved to know that she was carrying his babies. There was no telling what danger she'd get herself into before they were safely delivered.

Steph wasn't thrilled with keeping a secret from him either. "I will."

"We do this, but until you tell him you will have a shadow," he warned.

"Thanks, Big Guy," she said as she wrapped her arms around him. He hugged her back and pressed a peck to her lips before releasing her. He was too excited, he was going to be an uncle.

"I'm going up to bed for a little bit," she said with a sigh. Bobby followed her from the office and caught her arm.

"Steph, congratulations," Bobby told her. "I didn't say it before, but you'll be a great mom."

"You'll be a great daddy too," she told him.

"I can't believe next year at this time we'll be parents." He started to smile as he thought about holding his baby for the first time.

She laughed a little as she thought about how they'd both gotten there. "Me either. I can't believe we both managed to fuck up the birth control."

"Ranger's birthday party got a little crazy."

Stephanie shook her head. "You have no idea."

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Boner couldn't believe his luck. He was printing off his photos when Santos walked in. He'd seen the photos and was pissed. He figured it was more jealousy than anything else, especially after he hit him in the face and told him to stay out of Stephanie's business. He wasn't about to do that.

He followed Santos to Tank's office and managed to get a few more photos to show the boss. She was hugging and kissing both Tank and Santos. He couldn't believe what a whore she was, but when she came out of the office with Brown even he was shocked about what they said. They fucked on Ranger's birthday and he knocked her up. He shook his head in wonder. It was only a matter of time before Ranger found out the truth about that one. She could hardly pass off a black baby as Cubin, right?

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Ranger stepped out of the stairwell on the fifth floor, glad to be out of the God awful meetings he'd been stuck in all day. He figured he'd stop by his office to check if anything needed his immediate attention before heading upstairs to find his Babe, then he'd show her his immediate attention. He smiled as he silently laughed at his own joke.

He plopped into his chair and started going through the pile of paperwork that Tank had left him. He looked up at the knock on his door. "Enter."

The new guy, Boner, stuck his head into the office. "Boss," he said looking extremely uncomfortable, but then he should be. He'd been checking out Steph's ass for the last week and was caught. That had been outlawed a year ago and no one dared break that rule again.

"What?" he growled at him.

"I wanted to talk to you about something I saw on Bomber watch today," he started.

Ranger nodded, he figured this one should be good. "Go ahead."

"She picked her ex-boyfriend, Morelli, up at the police station today. They had lunch at a little café downtown," he started. Ranger felt like rolling his eyes. Sure he didn't like Morelli, who would like the guy that'd been his direct competition for years, but he was Steph's friend now and they had lunch frequently.

"So?"

"Well, after lunch they stopped at the drug store off Stark where he purchased a box from the family planning aisle, then brought it out to her," he continued as he swallowed hard. "It looked like condoms, sir." Ranger glared at the idiot, but he continued anyway. "Then they went back to his place. She was inside for a while."

Ranger kept his blank face slammed down, what was this asshole trying to prove here? He knew Steph wouldn't cheat on him. "And?"

"And she came out with messed up hair and all her make-up washed off her face. Something didn't feel right about keeping it a secret like Santos said I should," he said with a shrug. Why the hell would Lester want this kept a secret? He was sure there was nothing to be kept a secret. There was probably a perfectly good explanation about all of this and he was sure it had nothing to do with Stephanie and Morelli cheating.

"Thanks for the update," Ranger replied with a nod. He waited for Boner to leave the office, but the idiot just stood there. "What?"

"I have photos, sir," he said handing over the folder.

"Dismissed," he barked. He waited until Boner left the office before sighing and opening the folder. He didn't know what was happening in the photos, but he knew they weren't what that asshole was suggesting it was.

There were photos of Morelli holding her hand, holding her against his side, carrying her in his arms bridal style, kissing her forehead, one where he was leaned into her car and looked to be kissing her, one where he was holding her closely while his hand rested low on her stomach like he was going to move it south. Christ. The other's showed a box of Trojan condoms in his hand along with a white bag and her embracing him in the car at the pharmacy, the rest were of them going into the house and coming back out. She certainly looked disheveled, but not in a just got laid way. It more looked like she was really upset.

When he got to the back of the folder there were more photos of her hugging and kissing both Santos and Tank on the lips. In those photos she looked more relaxed, happy. He really didn't know what the fuck was happening, but when he found out he'd beat fucking Boner's ass for this shit.

He shoved the folder in his drawer and decided to go up to check on her. He fobbed the elevator up to the seventh floor apartment that he shared with Steph. He'd had the apartment built when he bought the building, but it was always just a sterile place to crash. Now it was home to both of them. He loved coming home to her, waking up to her, sharing his life with her. She was an essential part of his life now and he wasn't going to fuck it up by letting Burg style rumors take over.

Steph was lying on their bed on her phone not aware that he'd come up. He stopped outside the door as he listened to her side of the conversation. "I know, baby, it'll be alright. I'll break it to Ranger when we get home tonight. I promise he'll be alright with it. No, it's not a problem, you know I love you. Alright. You promise to be good tonight? Tell Manny what I said." Ranger didn't know what was happening on the phone, but he didn't like the sound of it. "Gotta go, see you later. I love you," she called and quickly hung up as he appeared in the doorway. He glanced down at the phone in her hand and frowned.

"Hey, Babe," he smiled at her. "Who was that?"

"Oh, just an old friend of mine. She'll be in town tomorrow," she said with a nervous grin.

The thing about Stephanie was, he could always tell when she was lying to him. She couldn't meet his eyes and she fidgeted, plus her voice got this weird lilt to it. So he immediately knew she was hiding something from him.

"You're getting together?"

"Mm hmm," she said crawling across the bed to him. "I missed you today."

He looked down into her pretty blue eyes and saw the truth there. "I missed you too," he whispered back just before he pulled her off the bed and captured her lips with his. He knew when she melted against him during that kiss, that whatever Boner had witnessed today wasn't what he had thought it was. Stephanie was his, body, heart, and soul. As he slowly made love to her he told her with more than his words that he was also hers. At the moment of release he looked into her face and cried her name to the heavens. "I love you," he mumbled as he collapsed next to her.

"I love you too, Carlos," she answered in a breathy whisper. He laughed at himself for his moment of insecurity, she was his.

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They had an early dinner in their apartment to celebrate their three year anniversary. Steph was warm and loving like usual, but Ranger could tell something was bothering her. He tried to gently coax it from her, but she would just change the subject. The only thing he learned was that she was feeling much better than this morning. She'd gotten some antibiotics for a bladder infection and had been drinking bottle after bottle of water all day. That still didn't explain the worry lines around her eyes.

After dinner she began getting her things ready and he didn't like that he was no closer to the truth than he had been when he came up there hours ago. "Ella's going to come up to help you with your costume at seven-thirty. So be dressed before she gets here," she warned him.

"I will," he promised. "And we'll pick you ladies up at eight-thirty at Connie's house."

"Affirmative," she said with a sassy grin. She loved to mock the guys and their military speak. She took her costume bag and make-up case into the kitchen while Ranger unzipped his costume bag and peered inside. He made a little face, but he couldn't complain too much. It wasn't gold underwear.

She'd left her cell on the nightstand, it was buzzing a text alert so he picked it up to bring to her. He didn't mean to look at the screen, but when he saw Joe's name he couldn't help it. He read the first six words of the message, they were flashing across the alert screen after all. "What time are you stopping over…?"

He frowned at the screen. He walked back into the other room with her phone in his hand. "Your phone was buzzing," he told her as he held it up for her. She took the phone and read the message. She made a little face at it. "Everything alright?"

"Yeah, it was Joe. I'm stopping over there on the way," she answered with a little shrug. He smiled, glad she didn't lie about it.

"What for?" he wondered. They'd just had lunch and there were the weird after lunch activities that Boner had mentioned.

"He's coming out with us tonight. I just need to drop off his costume and help him with his hair. He doesn't have an Ella."

Another buzz from her phone. She read it and sighed. "Lester," she said without meeting his eyes. "Looks like he needs me to help him with something before we head out. I'll just have him drive me."

"What does Lester need help with?"

"Oh, um, nothing important. He just wants to talk and needs a girl's opinion," she said. Shit, another lie.

"Babe," he sighed. "You know I love you?"

"I do," she told him as she snuggled into his chest. He hugged her back. "You know I love you too?"

"I do," he told her. "Have fun with the girls tonight. Don't go crazy."

She smiled and kissed him again. "I won't. And be safe. Don't get shot."

"I won't," he replied. He looked into her face and clearly saw the love in her eyes. He moved a loose curl and tucked it behind her ear. "I love you."

"I love you too," she winked. Definitely not a lie.

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Stephanie grabbed her things and headed down to the garage. This was killing her. She'd be so glad when this weekend was over. She hated lying to him, it didn't come naturally and kind of made her sick. She knew it was all for the best, at least until she got a handle on things, but still, she didn't like it.

Plus she was worried. Between Julie's surprise visit and her pregnancy she was afraid that she would be trying to cram too much family down his throat all at once. She still wasn't sure he was going to be thrilled about being a dad again. Shit, she didn't even know if he'd be alright with his daughter wanting to move in. She thought for sure he had overheard them on the phone before, but he never said anything.

Lester met her down at his truck. "Hey, Beautiful," he smiled at her.

She looked up and smiled at him. He took her bags and loaded them into the backseat. "Did you tell him about the kids yet?"

"No, not yet," she sighed.

"Why not?"

"I'm scared." She hadn't admitted that yet, but it was true.

"You think he'll reject you?"

"No," she said, that wasn't it, or was it? "Yes. Sort of. I'm just worried that going from no kids to three kids in a matter of minutes will make his head explode."

"He'll be happy, Steph," he assured her.

"Would you be?"

He smiled at her and pulled her into his arms. "If you were my girl I'd be thrilled."

She felt a little tear in her eye then. "You're going to make me cry, Les," she said slapping his chest playfully.

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Ranger didn't know what he was doing. He trusted Steph, but something seemed off with her and he wanted to know what it was. He took the stairs down to the garage. He figured he'd follow her over to Connie's house, to make sure she was really alright.

As he silently walked to his car he heard her and Santos speaking. He moved around the side of his SUV and listened in on them.

"If you were my girl I'd be thrilled," Santos told her.

"You're going to make me cry, Les," she answered. "That reminds me. The girls were talking about what happened the night of Ranger's birthday party."

"They all know?" he asked.

"Yep," she laughed. "And I must say they were quite impressed with the description of your size and stamina."

"Of course they were, baby," he teased her. "What else did they say?"

"They said to ask if you'd consider a threeway," she told him. "You know, to show him how to do it right. You're the only one that ever found the g-spot."

"Found it and planted my flag in it," he boasted which made Stephanie laugh.

"Pervert," she scolded. Ranger felt a little bit sick. She used to tease him that way.

"Maybe, but I don't know if I could do a threeway with him. That seems weird." Ranger's eyes narrowed, weird? That was one word for it, fucking disgusting would be another. What kind of sick fuck shares a woman with his cousin?

"What if he just watched then?" Stephanie asked him. "I think him seeing how to do it properly is the only hope at this point. There's no going back after being with you. If he can't get the same action going down there I'm afraid it's over."

"I'll think about it," he agreed. "I just hope he don't try to kill me."

"He'd never do that. He's too gentle," Steph told him. Gentle? Had he become too gentle with her? Did she see him as weak? Was he no longer man enough for her? Was he not keeping up with her sexual cravings? He wanted to storm out there and ask her, but he couldn't do it. He didn't want to hear what she said. He couldn't take it if she said she didn't want to be with him anymore. "Can we swing by Joe's on the way?"

"What do you need Morelli for when you got me?" he asked with a laugh.

"Maybe you should talk to Joe. He and his cousin Mooch banged some girl together. Maybe he could give you some pointers," she said with a laugh. Ranger tasted the puke in his mouth. Of course Morelli would be sick enough to do something like that.

"That's some sick shit," Les growled. "The day I need sex pointers from Joe Morelli is the day I'll gladly eat a bullet." Ranger's hand found his gun. He'd gladly make that happen if he found out he touched his woman.

"Ha, ha," she responded. "It'll only take fifteen minutes, tops. That'll leave us plenty of time to swing by the hotel before you drop me at Connie's house."

"Fine, anything for you, beautiful," Lester told her. "Now get that cute little ass in my truck."

Ranger watched them pull out of the garage and finally let out a loud growl. There was no way that was what it sounded like, right? He knew how to get her off. He'd found her g-spot seven years ago, that wasn't undiscovered territory, hell, he'd found it just an hour ago. There was no way she had been faking that.

"What are you doing?" Tank asked looking at him standing there.

"Is there something going on with Stephanie?" he asked his buddy. "Did Lula say anything?"

Tank looked at him and took a deep breath. "Nothing I can tell you about."

"That isn't an answer," Ranger bitched at him.

"It's her story to tell, not mine. I'm not getting involved in this," he said taking a step back.

"Is Lester fucking her?"

Tank laughed a deep belly laugh, "Get your head on straight, man, and don't you say that to her. Dumbass." With that he walked away, leaving Ranger to his own thoughts. Sometimes he really was a dumbass. He couldn't believe he lost faith for a minute.

He looked at the car and wondered if he should follow her. He wanted to know what business they had at a hotel at this time of night and his curiosity was killing him. He finally just said fuck it and hopped into the Porsche, then he headed toward Joe Morelli's house.

He parked around the corner and snuck up to the house from the alley behind. He made it to the kitchen window and watched as Stephanie sprayed his hair with something that turned it a silvery, gray color. Joe was waving his hand around in the air, coughing. Ranger leaned back against the side of the house as Joe opened the window. "That shit stinks," he grumbled. "It better not stink when it dries."

"It doesn't," she promised.

"Good. Why do I need this anyway?"

"The criminologist has silver hair," she assured him. "I could have gotten you the Frankie costume, so stop complaining."

"You'd enjoy that wouldn't you?" he smirked.

"Yes, I dream of your hairy ass in thongs," she agreed sarcastically. "Now stand still." She sprayed some more of the hairspray on him.

"I'm planning to get laid tonight. Your hairspray better not mess it up for me."

"You just met her," Steph complained. "Why do you think she'll sleep with you already?"

"Come on, Cupcake," he said with a big grin. "I've seen her finger you. We're practically intimate already."

"You're a sick man, Morelli," she told him.

"Maybe I should text her to bring that big bottle of lube with her," he joked.

"Sick, Joe, sick," she said with a shake of her head.

He just laughed and caught her around the waist. He pulled her in and hugged her and smacked a peck to her lips. "I love you too, Cupcake."

She rolled her eyes and pushed away. "I'll see you at nine. And be nice to her. I have a date with her next week."

Ranger headed back to his car and pulled the tracker up on his phone. He gave them a five minute start so Santos wouldn't pick up a tail. He didn't know what all that was about, but he felt like he should save another bullet for Joe Morelli. That fucker needs to keep his hands off his woman.

He was also trying to wrap his mind around Stephanie being with another woman. They'd only talked about it jokingly after her shenanigans last Halloween, but it really sounded like Morelli had witnessed it and had a front row seat. Plus, he was dating the woman that Steph had a thing with? He shook his head. He knew there had to be something more going on, but he couldn't manage to put it together.

He watched Lester's SUV travel through town as he followed. He was glad that she didn't lie to him about Morelli, but what the hell was happening with Lester? He trusted Lester with her life on a daily basis. He was one of her closest friends and his closest family. He couldn't believe the two of them would ever do something to hurt him. So why sneak off to a hotel together? Nothing was making any sense.

It didn't take long until they reach their destination, The Lafayette Yard Hotel. He waited until they were inside before he followed them in. They took the hotel elevator to the third floor. He quickly ran up the stairs, watching through the glass on the window as they exited the elevator. He waited until they turned a corner before following them. He could hear them speaking ahead of him.

"I still can't believe we did this without Carlos finding out," Steph said.

"I'm sure he knows something is up, but you leave that all to Uncle Lester. I'll take care of you girls," Lester answered.

"I know you will." Ranger felt himself snarl.

"I'm so excited to see her. We've been talking on Skype and you won't believe how beautiful she is," Steph said as she leaned into him. He slipped an arm around her and squeezed her. "You'll have to protect her from me. I don't think I'll be able to keep my lips off her. It's been way too long."

"Lucky girl." Lester laughed then. "How are you planning to tell Ranger about this anyway?"

"I don't know. Do you think he'll be angry that I want to bring her into our relationship, especially without discussing it first?" she asked. Ranger's eyes about bugged out of his head. What the fuck? Bring her into their relationship?

"Hell no. What man could be angry when he has two of the most beautiful women in the world on his arms?"

"Awe, she might be, but you're just trying to flatter me."

Lester barked a laugh. "You've got to be kidding. You're the most beautiful woman I've ever laid eyes on." He shook his head. "Sometimes it makes me hate Ranger." Not as much as I hate you, Ranger thought.

"You do not."

"No, but I envy him." He kissed her hair. "Now you'll have him surrounded by beautiful girls and he won't know what hit him." Girls?

"That's yet to be seen. There could be a man in the bunch." Ranger felt himself freeze up. Did she want him to share her with another man?

"That would make things interesting. He could be a RangeMan," Lester joked.

"You're still on that?" Still on what? Ranger thought.

"He's not going to turn you away. There is no man alive that would walk away from what you're offering him."

"I'm afraid when he finds out about this it'll be too much for him." She shook her head sadly. "How do I tell him that I'm a package deal?"

"Don't worry, he loves you so much. He'll want to share this with you."

"Thanks Lester. Now come in here and help me convince her that talking to Ranger is the best plan."

They knocked on a door. There was girly squealing and then nothing as the door slammed behind them. Ranger leaned against the wall, closing his eyes.

What the hell was his Babe up to? It couldn't be what it sounded like. Sure he'd done some shit when he was young and crazy and didn't give a shit about the people he was fucking, but with Steph that was all different. Things with them were always different, special, they made love to one another.

He groaned to himself. He'd told her once that he was sick, sexually. He should have explained that to her when they finally got together. He should have told her that he was sick, because he was so obsessed with her no one else would ever do for him again. Shit, maybe she thought he was into things like this. God, there was no way she was going to try to talk him into a weird group sex thing, was there? He took the elevator back down to the lobby and headed to his car.

He sat there trying to figure out how far he'd go to keep her in his life. Would he accept that she wanted another woman in their life? He didn't like the idea of that. There was no healthy way three people could share their bodies without one of those people being left out in the end. If it was just a night of sex, maybe he could share her, but not with another guy, God, he couldn't stand the thought of someone else touching her. Fuck, he couldn't stand the thought of touching another woman either. How the fuck was he going to handle this?

He didn't think he could handle any more information today. He drove back to the office and plopped onto the couch. As he sat there thinking he decided he knew one thing, he'd do anything to keep his Babe in his life. She was the only thing that mattered to him anymore.

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Stephanie had Lester drop her off at Connie's house after they were done dealing with Julie. She was so excited to see Ranger's daughter today, but the girl was in the height of teenage angst and had it all directed at her mother.

Stephanie even spoke with Ranger's ex-wife Rachel about the situation, but the other woman said she thought she and Julie needed a little break from one another. They finally agreed on a week. Stephanie knew running away from problems with her mother would never resolve anything so getting them back together to work this out was important.

She really hoped Ranger wouldn't be angry about her inviting the girl to stay with them, but part of Steph still hoped they could grow closer. Julie was now a beautiful sixteen year old girl. She was to the age that if he didn't fix things, he wouldn't be able to. Besides, she knew that not being in Julie's life was still a regret for him even if he wouldn't admit it. She hoped to give him that chance.

Of course, now she had to worry about the babies too. With all these changes, she hoped it wouldn't put a wedge between them. Things were going so well. They were so happy and part of her wished she could stop things from changing. She put her hand over her stomach and closed her eyes. She prayed he'd love these babies like she did.

Connie was already in her costume when she opened the door. She was decked out in a white wedding dress and veil that looked like it stepped out of the seventies. Stephanie smiled at her. "Betty Monroe, you are the luckiest girl ever," she fake gushed.

Connie laughed then, "It is something. I found this sucker at the Hamilton Thrift Shop for ten bucks."

"Awesome deal," Steph agreed.

"She can wear it when her and Bobby decide to tie the knot," Lula said with a booming laugh.

"That would really would be something," Steph agreed as she hauled her bags into the bedroom where Lula was putting the finishing touches on her costume. She was going as Columbia and looked the part from the tip of her black mary jane shoes and blue bobbie socks to her short bright red hair. She was wearing black fishnet tights with skin tight, sparkly rainbow striped short shorts and a matching rainbow sequined bustier. She had finished off with a dog collar necklace, red lipstick, and glimmer eye shadow. She looked amazing. "How'd the husband react to his costume? He seemed alright this afternoon when I gave it to him."

"Tankie was perfectly content to have pants," she told them with a laugh. "I'm excited to see Lester in those little gold undies if what your sister says is true."

"Oh, I'm sure it's true," Steph assured her. "I got a good feel at the haunted house too."

They all laughed as they thought about that. "How'd Ranger like his costume?"

"I don't know if he looked at it yet," Steph said with a laugh. "I'm hoping he'll just be happy to have pants too."

"Get your dress on so we can help with your hair and make-up," Connie told her.

"Fine," she muttered as she pulled her costume out of the bag. She slipped out of her jeans and tee shirt and into the above the knee, black maid dress. It was fitted and hugged her curves perfectly. Ella had helped her get it ready, sewing on the white cuffs, collar, and apron so it'd be similar to the movie dress. She added fishnet tights with black calf length high heeled boots and a little white cap that perched on the top of her head.

"Damn," Lula said looking her over. "Magenta never looked that sexy. Your boobs are huge."

"I think it's the babies," Steph agreed. "They have seemed a lot heavier lately."

"You're telling me," Connie grumbled. "I'm in an E cup already and I'm only starting my second trimester."

"Have you been really, um, horny?" Steph asked as Connie ratted and fluffed out her curls.

"It's the hormones," Connie agreed. "I read that sometimes you get really vivid, nasty dreams too."

"Great," Steph mumbled. "Between the baby hormones and not eating sugar I'm going to break my vagina."

Lula laughed at her. "You still got that lady workhorse, get that sucker going. That should take the edge off."

Connie applied white facial make-up with a dark eye make-up to give her a deathly pallor, then she put on bright red lipstick to finish the look off. "You do look hot," Connie agreed.

Steph smiled back until Connie's smile faltered. "What's wrong?"

"I'm afraid Bobby is going to reject me," she whispered.

"If it makes you feel better I have the same thought nagging in the back of my mind," Steph told her.

"You'll both feel better once you tell the guys," Lula told them. "They're going to be thrilled to be daddies, just you wait and see."

"I love you guys," Connie said starting to tear up.

"Shit, don't cry," Steph whimpered. "I'll cry."

"I love you too," Lula said gathering them both in a hug. "But don't fuck up your make up. Our men are gonna be here any minute."

"When Ranger and I get married I want you both to be bridesmaids," Stephanie said trying to stop her tears. "You're my best friends."

"When you two get married you better believe we'll be there making sure it really happens," Lula told her. "Now get yourself together. Tank said they're five minutes out."

"What about Mary Lou and Val?" Connie asked.

"We're picking them up on the way," Stephanie told them.

8888888888888

Five minutes later, like clockwork, the men pulled up in a SUV stretch limo. "Oh, hells yes," Lula grinned as she made her way down the sidewalk.

Stephanie waited for Connie to lock the door and walked out with her. Ranger and Bobby were standing outside the door, each holding a red rose. "Oh, that's sweet," Connie whispered to her.

"Babe," Ranger said smiling. "You look really sexy in that."

She looked him up and down and laughed. He was wearing black pants with a matching jacket that was stretched over his fake humpback. His chest was bare under the dirty looking white vest and her damn hormones started to go a little crazy just seeing him like that. "You look sexy too," she whispered as her finger traced the bare skin. "I love your hump."

"I know you love my hump," he said with an eyebrow waggle. "Though sexy is one word I didn't think could describe this outfit." They both laughed as she reached up and touched the top of his head, which was covered in a wig that made him look like he was bald in the front and had a mullet in the back. Ella had done his make-up to match hers, pasty white with dark rings around the eyes.

"I wanted us to go as a couple," she told him. "That's why I picked Riff Raff for you. You're just way too sexy to pull off the character properly. Riff Raff didn't have arms like that, or a chest like that, or an ass like that."

He pulled her against him and kissed her until she melted in his arms. "I'm glad you like it, Babe."

"Damn hormones," she whispered back.

"Aren't we brother and sister though?"

She laughed then, "Yes, but it's a very incestuous relationship." He smiled as he helped her into the car. It was huge inside and looked like it could hold twenty people. "We should take this for a spin without the crowd later."

"Already the plan," he answered with another kiss.

A few minutes later they pulled up to Val's house. Stephanie looked across the limo at Lester and smiled. "Why don't you go get my sister?" she asked. "You can let Albert know you're taking care of her tonight."

"Come on, Beautiful," he groaned. "I don't want to walk around in this. It's cold."

She smiled at him. He really was a sight in those gold boxers. His muscles weren't as big as Ranger's but they were just as abundant and looked perfect. His skin wasn't as dark either, more a dark honey color that matched the gold pants perfectly. He was definitely what would come to mind if you were to set out to build the perfect man, if he weren't such a pervert anyway. "Ranger, order him to go," Steph asked.

"You heard the lady," Ranger said with a smile. "Go get her sister."

Lester bitched a little as he climbed out of the limo, giving them all a view of his perfect little ass. Lula whistled which made him turn around and give them all a dirty look. "Go, you earned this," Steph scolded him. "And don't fuck her in the driveway." He finally hung his head and walked up toward the door.

"What was that about?" Ranger whispered to her.

"He's been sleeping with Val," she whispered back. "I'm trying to guilt him. Poor Albert." Ranger looked down at her and blinked. Of anything he was expecting to hear that wasn't on the list. He felt himself beginning to smile and then he laughed, hard. Albert was the one that needed the sex lessons. God, how hadn't he put that one together? "What?"

"Nothing," Ranger told her. "I love you."

"I love you too."

"Should I kick his ass tomorrow or should I give Albert some fighting lessons so he can do it?"

Stephanie laughed, "Both."

Lester reappeared a few minutes later with Val on his arm. She was wearing a white bra and matching slip with white mary jane shoes and a gold necklace that said, "Janet."

"I thought you were wearing the suit from the beginning of the movie?" Steph questioned.

"That would be boring Val," she answered. "This is fun Val."

"Oh boy," Steph muttered to Ranger. He just shook his head. It looked like his sister in law was going through a midlife crisis. He only wondered how out of control it'd get. She is related to Edna Mazur and those are some scary genes. He looked at his Babe and hoped she didn't have similar urges.

By the time they pulled up at Mary Lou's house Val was practically on Lester's lap. Mary Lou didn't wait for someone to come get her. She ran from the house with a big smile on her face. She was wearing blue and white striped men's pajamas with black FMPs and Mickey Mouse ears attached to her sprayed red hair.

Zero got out of the front seat and opened the back door for her. Stephanie watched Lenny smile and wave to her. She blew him a kiss then leaned up on her tip toes and kissed Zero on the cheek before climbing in. Steph didn't get it. How could Lenny not be jealous of something like that?

"I smell smoke, Babe," Ranger whispered to her.

"Just thinking," she answered. "You'd never be alright sharing me with another man, would you?"

He looked at her and wondered about the question, but he couldn't lie. "No, I'd never be alright with that." She smiled and kissed him until she felt dizzy. He knew this wasn't the place to ask, but he sure wanted to know what was happening in that pretty little head of hers.

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Like magic, the limo pulled up to the theater at nine sharp. After three years of being with Ranger daily, Steph still had no idea how he was always perfectly on time. Everyone unloaded until Steph and Ranger were left alone in the back of the limo. He offered his hand to help her from the car, but she just smiled and pulled him back toward her and kissed him again.

"Thank you for coming along tonight," she told him as she ran her fingers through his wig.

"You're going to owe me for this one," he told her with a wolf grin, then proceeded to attack her neck with kisses.

"Mm, I promise to make it up to you," she agreed.

"And I'm picking out our costumes next year?"

"Mm hmm," she mumbled back. She'd probably agree to anything at that point, he knew how to make her agreeable, and all it took were his lips on that spot below her ear.

"Good answer, Babe," he whispered into her ear as his fingers slipped inside her panties and gave her a reward that had her crying his name in a matter of minutes.

A loud pounding on the window pulled them from their make-out session. Ranger sat up and looked down at her. She was sprawled across the seat looking like she'd just been thoroughly kissed. He leaned back down for one more kiss before he opened the door and saw Morelli standing there smiling. "You know this is considered public lewdness?" he asked.

"Morelli," Ranger answered as he reached down and lifted Steph off the seat. "We weren't even close to getting lewd yet."

Morelli looked at Steph's pink cheeks and liquid blue eyes and laughed. "Maybe you weren't. I wouldn't say the same for your date."

"At least he's not having an intimate relationship with his right hand, Morelli," Stephanie told him as she adjusted her skirt and stepped out of the car. Ranger followed, slipping an arm around her waist.

Joe laughed as he looked at his hand. "She's not so bad. She lets me call her Cupcake and doesn't mind when I think of you naked when we're together."

"Ugh," Stephanie growled at him. "You better not be thinking about me."

"It's my right as the ex-boyfriend," he told her.

"You're a pig," she huffed. Ranger held her against his side as he listened to them bicker. The playful banter was annoying, but it wasn't like Morelli was wrong. It was his right as the ex, even if he didn't like it, he couldn't argue about it. He'd done the same when she was with Joe. "I'm rethinking my decision to give you a costume that didn't involve a bustier and thongs. It must have been temporary insanity that made me think you were a good guy."

"Fine, you win. I'll behave." Joe finally looked over at Ranger and nodded a greeting.

"Good. I'd hate to have to break both your hands and leave you in the lurch," Ranger told him.

Morelli laughed then and smiled as a tall blonde walked toward them in a little, skimpy maid outfit. "It wouldn't be a problem tonight." The woman smiled and slipped an arm around Morelli. "This is my date, Miranda Cummings. You know Steph and this is her fiancé, Carlos Manoso."

"Nice to meet you," Ranger told her as they shook hands.

"And you," she returned. "Stephanie, how are you?"

"Much better, thank you," she said smiling politely at the other woman.

"You look amazing. I quickly stopped at Wal-Mart after work to grab a costume. This was about it for my size since this date was so last minute," Miranda said. "Now I wish I would have grabbed something else. I look like a tramp next to the real thing."

"I don't think it's trampy looking," Steph told her as they started to walk away together, leaving the guys behind. "I love your shoes. Are they Jimmy Choo's?"

"Yes, but they're not as nice as the Prada's you had on this morning. Those were enough to ruin my panties," Miranda said with a laugh.

"Awe, shit," Joe mumbled.

"What?" Ranger asked him.

"They're making friends," Joe said with a sigh. "No way this can be a fuck and duck now. I'll never hear the end of it."

Ranger laughed then. "It could be worse, at least she's good looking and seems to have half a brain."

"More than half," Joe grumbled again. "She's a doctor, but she has a hell of an ass." Ranger smiled to himself. It looked like Joe Morelli may have finally found his match. He'd be glad to have Stephanie off the other man's radar for good.

They followed the women into the theater and found their group. Ranger didn't like that the girls picked something toward the front. He'd prefer to be in the back row with his back to the wall. He didn't trust anyone in a blind spot. Hal and Zero were each positioned at the top of the aisles with their heads on a swivel, he supposed he'd have to be comfortable with them having his back. Tank met his gaze with complete understanding.

Ranger followed Stephanie into the row of seats and found himself seated between her and Morelli's date. He didn't like strangers being that close to him, even if she seemed like a harmless woman, it made him uncomfortable. Steph was next to Mary Lou, who was arguing heatedly with Lula. He took a breath as he leaned back and tried not to listen, he knew this was going to be a long night.

"You didn't say you were coming as Columbia," Lula grumbled at Mary Lou who was sitting on the other side of Val and Lester.

She leaned over Lester and glared back at Lula. "It's not the same costume. I'm Bedtime Columbia and you're Party Columbia."

"It doesn't matter," Lula hissed back. "One group can't have two Columbia's in it."

"We have two Magenta's now that Morelli showed up with his skank," Mary Lou grumbled back.

"I'm not a skank," Miranda yelled back at Mary Lou. "And I didn't know that Stephanie was going as Magenta."

"Yeah, and I don't care if we're both Magenta," Steph said. "You both look great and totally different. No one cares if you're both Columbia."

"You know Joe's in love with my sister?" Val asked Miranda. "He's probably just going to use you for sex."

Miranda's eyes narrowed at the other woman. "It seems to me that your sister has moved on. Besides, maybe I'm using the detective for sex. He looks like he knows his way around under the sheets."

Val snorted back at her. "Whore."

"How can you be judging her? You're using Les for sex," Stephanie pointed out.

"That's because you won't share Ranger," Val yelled back.

Stephanie reached over Lester and slapped her sister. "Don't talk about him that way."

Val tried to slap back, but Lester caught her hand in midair. "Don't you put hands on her," he growled at Val who looked stricken. Val looked up at Tank and Morelli, who both stood with hands in fists.

"Sorry," she muttered. "I wasn't thinking. Sorry, Steph."

"It's fine," she sighed. "Can we all just get along? This is our girls' night out and we're fighting like a bunch of little bitches. You two just don't hang out together and no one will care if you're both Columbia and Miranda is really nice. I'm glad she's here and I'm glad Joe found someone like her to be with. So don't be bitchy to her. And Val, I don't know even know what's going on with you, but get control of yourself. This isn't you."

They all mumbled apologies as Stephanie leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes. "You alright, Babe?" Ranger asked quietly. "You've had me worried all day."

"I think it's all the stress," she said with a sigh. "I feel like I've been dealing with a pack of naughty children all day."

"Why don't we go for a walk and you can tell me about it?" he asked. She nodded back. She knew she couldn't keep any of it from him any longer.

"Wait," Lula said standing up. "Tank and I have an announcement to make."

Tank stood behind her and nodded to the guys. "Go on, baby, you can tell them."

She smiled and kissed him. "We got married down in Atlantic City." She held her hand up, showing off the new wedding band that hadn't been there earlier. "August thirteenth."

Ranger blinked at his best friend. How the hell had they been married for two and a half months without him finding out? "Congratulations," he said standing and shaking Tank's hand. "Lula, welcome to the family."

"Thanks, Batman," she grinned. "This family is just gonna keep getting bigger and bigger. Just you wait and see." He nodded back at her. He wasn't sure what she meant, but who knew with Lula. Maybe Bobby was married too.

He looked down at Steph and held out his hand to help her from her seat. "Just a second, before anyone runs off," Bobby interrupted. Ranger looked at him and lifted an eyebrow. He had been joking, if it turned out he was married too he was seriously going to kick both their asses for not telling him. Ranger sat and let Bobby get on with whatever this was. "Connie," he started again. "I just wanted to tell you that these last few weeks without you have been horrible. I've been so lonely not having you to come home to." Connie smiled at him. She was glad he was apologizing. Hopefully he'd take the news a lot better if they weren't fighting. "Connie, baby, I want to come home to you every day for the rest of our lives. I love you so much, baby. Marry me?" he asked.

Connie was speechless as he pulled out the engagement ring and sat back in his chair next to her, he couldn't kneel in the tiny aisle space. "I'm pregnant," she whispered back. "We're having a baby."

His smile tripled in size as he looked at her. "That's great news," he said putting his hand on her stomach. "My little man would probably prefer his parents married. What do you say?"

"You're sure you want all this?" she asked. He nodded yes. "Then yes, I'll marry you."

Everyone in the theater started clapping as they kissed. Stephanie was laughing and crying. "That was beautiful," she whispered to Ranger.

"Sure was," he agreed as he reached over and shook Bobby's hand and welcomed Connie to the family too. It seemed the RangeMan family really was growing faster than he could imagine. He slipped his arm around Stephanie and tried to relax back into the seat.

"Thank God that worked out," she sighed. "If I had to keep one more secret today I'd probably bust."

"You knew about all that?" he asked her.

She nodded back. "I only found out today."

"That was a lot to keep to yourself."

She nodded. "You have no idea." He still didn't know the half of it.

He leaned in and kissed her. At least he'd gotten to the bottom of her secrets and could now relax a little. "You're not upset that we weren't the first ones to get married and have a baby?" he whispered in her ear.

"Are you?" she whispered back.

"No, I'm happy for them." His lips caressed her neck. "Let's do it though. Let's get married next year and start working on a baby."

She turned and looked at him. "Really?"

"Yeah, really."

She nodded yes to him with tears in her eyes, "Ranger, I have something I…"

"Don't you go stealing all my thunder with your announcements," Sally yelled at her from the stage. The entire theater began to clap as he strutted across the stage in his rhinestone platform shoes.

He was nearly seven feet tall in those shoes and when combined with the rest of the costume, he demanded attention. His hairy legs were covered in black fishnet thigh high stockings that attached to garter straps hanging from his black bustier, which laced up the front. He also wore black full coverage panties and elbow length fingerless gloves made out of a glittery black material. He pulled the whole look together with a necklace made of large white pearls.

Not only did he have the look down, he had the attitude too. "Welcome to my show," he called out to the crowd. There was immediate clapping and cheering again. "I'm so excited to see so many of you back again. You couldn't stay away from me could you?" There were some whistles and cat calls from the audience. "Since I see a few new faces I'm going to give you the rules. There is no smoking, drinking, fighting, or fucking inside the theater. Take it out to your cars. You can't take any photos or videos no matter how sexy I look, got it? And turn your fucking phones off, now. All props are welcome as long as you're respectful of the other people in the theater. Don't be a Brad. And most importantly, what happens at Rocky Horror, stays at Rocky Horror." The crowd cheered loudly. "Now some very distressing news. I invited some of my close, personal friends to the theater tonight and they tried to upstage me." The crowd booed then. "You know what we do to people that try to upstage Frankie?"

"Kill them," someone shouted.

"Eat them," shouted another.

"Sacrifice," shouted a third.

"Lula, baby," Sally said waving at her. "You and your secret husband get up here."

Lula shook her head and stood, pulling Tank along with her. He looked pained, but he followed without complaint. When they stood in the middle of the stage Sally looked Tank up and down. "My you are a big one, aren't you?" The crowd laughed. "Are you that big, everywhere?" Even more laughter erupted when Tank's face turned to stone.

"Yikes, maybe I shouldn't have let him bring weapons," Steph whispered in Ranger's ear.

"He doesn't have as many as I do," Ranger whispered back. She looked at him for explanation. "You won't believe how many things I can stash under this hump." Ranger humor. At least she thought he was joking.

Sally circled Lula and Tank and grinned. "I have a challenge for you. If you pass the challenge we won't sacrifice you, tonight." Sally laughed evilly to the crowd's pleasure. "I'd like you to get in position and act out your favorite sex position and orgasm."

"Fuck that," Tank grumbled.

"Tankie, come on. It's just part of the show," Lula told him gently.

"You're kidding me, right?" She shook her head no. "You want me to do this up here?" She shook her head yes. "Fuck."

Before she could move into what she thought was his favorite position, he picked her up and flipped her over so her legs were up in the air. He secured her against his body with an arm around her middle and an arm around her hips. He brought his face down between her legs, moving his head back and forth like he meant business. Lula squealed when she figured out what he was going for. She was alright with his position choice, so she lowered her face to his crotch and moved in and out like she was sucking him off.

They were both moaning and groaning as they mimicked their oral sex. "This is going to give me nightmares," Joe said leaning over his date.

"No shit," Ranger muttered back. "At least you never saw his actual O face." Stephanie lifted an eyebrow at him. "Babe, we were alone in the jungle. We had to stay in sight of one another in case of ambush. I saw shit out there no man should have to see." Steph shuddered at the thought, just as Tank screamed and made a face and Lula yelled his name. His real name, Pierre.

"Pierre?" Morelli laughed. "No way."

"Dude, forget you heard it," Ranger warned. "He cut out a guy's tongue once for saying that."

Tank flipped Lula back onto her feet. She staggered a little, but smiled at him. She still loved it when he made her feel all dainty and shit. "What do you think? Did they entertain you with their sex act?"

The crowd clapped and cheered, until someone started chanting, "Pierre. Pierre. Pierre."

"Oh, fuck my life," he grumbled to Lula.

"I'm sorry, Tankie," she told him.

"I guess they enjoyed your show. You can go have a seat," Sally told them. "But you, Miss Connie, I heard you make a big announcement too. You're going to marry that gorgeous piece of man?"

Connie nodded and yelled back, "Yes, I am."

"Then get your asses up here," Sally commanded.

They rose from their seats and headed toward the stage. "I'm not acting out any sex acts on stage," Bobby warned.

"They all know your favorite position anyway," Connie told him. It was true, they all knew he was a doggie lover.

"Glad I'm not that obvious," Morelli laughed at Bobby.

"No shit," Ranger agreed.

Stephanie rolled her eyes. "Missionary, my feet on your shoulders," she said. Both guys looked at her. "Sitting, facing, me on top."

Miranda leaned over Ranger with wide eyes. "Which is which?"

"I bet you'll find out soon," Stephanie laughed back.

"Babe," Ranger frowned. "Am I too predictable?"

"What? No. I like it that way too," she told him, but he didn't look convinced. "I can wrap my entire body around you, look you in the eyes, and kiss you while we make love. It's perfect, Carlos. Perfect."

He pulled her close and kissed her. "God, I love you."

"I love you too," she whispered back.

Connie and Bobby were standing on the stage with Sally when Steph looked up. "Not only did I hear you were getting married, but you're pregnant?" he asked.

"Yes," Connie said weakly.

Sally shook his head sadly. "Obviously you two are in need of a little lesson on how to use protection. You follow my instructions perfectly and the crowd may choose to save you like they did Lula. You cheat and we'll have to sacrifice you." Sally took Connie's hand and led her to the center of the stage then called over Bobby, who then stood facing her a few feet away.

Sally strode over to the side of the stage and returned with a banana and a condom still sealed in its package. He moved behind Bobby and slowly slipped his robe off his shoulders, leaving him in the white underpants. "My, my, you do have quite the package, don't you?" Sally asked. "This will pale in comparison, but place the banana between your legs, please."

Bobby glared at him, but took the banana and stuck it between his legs so that the bend made the thing stand up like a jutting penis. "Now here's the deal, Sweet Cheeks. Neither of you can use your hands in any way. You need to unwrap this rubber and put it over his banana without dropping the banana or the rubber," Sally told her. "Got it?"

"Yep," Connie said.

"Good, go," Sally ordered holding the condom up to her.

Connie took the condom between her teeth and looked at Bobby. He shook his head but leaned toward her and bit the opposite end, tearing the package open. Then he took the rubber in his teeth. Connie spit the wrapper out and took the rubber from Bobby. She dropped to her knees in front of him while she used her tongue to try to push the condom open. Once she figured out which way it went she slipped her tongue inside it to make it a little longer then leaned in, taking the banana in her mouth. She fought with the condom, using her teeth to get it on the tip of the banana. Once it was on, she worked her lips over it. In and out of her mouth it slid as she pushed the condom further and further up the banana. Bobby grabbed her hair and made some faces like he was getting sucked good and hard. By the time she was done, she had the banana down her throat and the condom all the way on the thing.

The crowd was clapping and stomping their approval. "You can go sit down," Sally told them with a sad shake of his head. "They both passed my challenges," he pouted. The crowd awed with him. "I have no one to sacrifice. What shall I do?"

"Virgins. Virgins. Virgins," they started to chant.

"Virgins?" Sally laughed. "Do I have any sweet, little virgins that have never been to a live show before?"

"Oh crap," Steph muttered.

"You never saw this before?" Ranger asked her.

"Not with a live performance," she answered back.

"You're a virgin," he laughed.

"So am I," Miranda told Steph. "We can all go up together."

"I'm not a virgin," Joe told her as he leaned back in his chair.

"Me either," Ranger told them. "Looks like we'll stay here and watch the show."

"You saw Rocky Horror before?" Steph asked like she didn't believe either of them.

"I was fucking the girl that played Janet," Morelli said at the exact same time Ranger said, "I was trying to fuck the chic that played Janet."

"Are you serious?" she growled.

"She had this sweet innocent quality," Joe reminisced.

"But she was a wildcat between the sheets," Ranger said laughing. The two of them fist bumped.

"Sounds like you two have the same type," Lester laughed. "Still." Steph slapped him.

"Tell me it wasn't the same girl," she groaned.

"Miami?" Ranger asked.

"No, Virginia Beach," Joe answered.

"No, Babe, not the same girl. Now get up there and lose your virginity for me," Ranger told her with a little smack to her ass.

"Unreal," Steph muttered to herself. "I wanted them to get along, but this is ridiculous."

"Maybe you can get that threeway after all," Mary Lou told her.

"God," Steph laughed. "That is so sick and wrong."

"Did you know that Lester won't do a threesome? He said maybe he'd let Albert watch, but there could be no touching," Val complained.

"I'm right here," Lester complained back. "Maybe I should show him the Dutch oven move. You deserve that one."

"Ohh, what's that?" Val asked excitedly.

Mary Lou laughed loudly. "It's when you fart under the blankets and then pull it up over someone else's head and trap them underneath with the fart."

Val glared over at Lester. "What?" he asked. "You're being a bitch and you deserve it for telling everyone about cheating on him. Poor bastard." Val stuck her nose in the air and walked to the other end of the stage.

"How the hell did you know that?" Steph asked Mary Lou.

"Are you kidding? It's one of Lenny's favorite games with the kids," she shrugged. "Just wait, you'll see a whole new side of Ranger when he has sons."

"Great," Steph sighed.

"Line up, Virgin Bitches," Sally commanded them. The girls that played Magenta and Columbia joined him on the stage to help. "Everyone raise your right hand, bend all your fingers down except the middle finger." Steph followed the order, holding her hand up in her favorite finger gesture. "Now place your left hand on your crotch and repeat after me." Stephanie and the others followed his directions, repeating each line of the promise after he gave it to them. "I virgin scum, do here-by admit, in front of all these people, that I am a Rocky Horror Virgin. I wish to lose all my morals, and accept decadence into my heart. In the name of the Frankie, and the Rocky, and the," giant hip swivel, "hoooooly Riff Raff!" Pelvic thrust.

Then the audience shouted, "FUCK YOU!"

Sally laughed and clapped as he walked around all the virgins, eyeing them all. He picked out six Rocky's, including Lester, and told them to go stand with his assistants. The girls waved at the Rockys and had them leave the stage. "Good, good, good," Sally said. "Now we will find out who has what it takes to make it as a virgin here. Pair up with someone of the same sex."

"You want to partner?" Miranda asked Steph.

"Sure," she shrugged.

"Great, that leaves me with Val," Mary Lou complained as Val strutted back over to them. "You got me, Val."

"I wanted Steph," she pouted.

"Me too," Mary Lou said. "She dumped us."

"Good, yes, I like this," Sally said looking Stephanie and Miranda over. "Steph, you in front." She wondered what he had up his sleeve now, but took her spot in front of Miranda anyway.

"Now that you're all in position I'd like the virgin in the front to bend over and grab their ankles. Yes good," he said laughing. "Virgin in the back I need you to press your pelvis to their backsides and give me your best bump and grind routine while we sing to you."

The crowed began to sing loudly, "_Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Mayer Wiener, that is what I'd truly like to be-ee-ee. 'Cause if I were an Oscar Mayer Wiener, Everyone would be in love with me_."

Miranda, twisted and pumped her hips against Stephanie's ass while Stephanie popped her ass back at her. It didn't take long before all eyes were on them. Stephanie tossed her head to move her hair out of her face and noticed they were the only female couple still dancing.

"Wow, you two really put on a show," Sally said circling them. "You're not trying to upstage me are you?"

"Never," Steph told him. "No one can upstage you."

Sally laughed then. "Line up Virgin Scum!" Everyone got back into a row. "Now I want all of you to do this on three," Sally said demonstrating that stick your finger in your mouth and pull it out, champagne cork popping noise thing.

"ONE. TWO. THREE," yelled the audience.

Everyone popped their finger. Sally clapped and laughed. "I've popped all your tender little cherries." The crowd again went wild with this. "Now you two, and you two, and you, and you, stay on stage. The rest of you can go sit down."

Steph looked at the other five women that were asked to stay on stage, it included Miranda, Val, Mary Lou, a Columbia, and a Janet. "Bring out our Rockys!" Sally yelled. The cast member helpers led the six men back to the stage. "Grab yourselves a Rocky ladies."

Steph knocked the short Janet out of the way and wrapped her arms around Lester's waist. There was no way she was touching a stranger. "You fighting for me, Beautiful?" he teased.

"Are you kidding, look at these other guys," she said rolling her eyes. "You're the only Rocky I want touching me."

She looked at the guys, one was her dad's age and bald, one was more her grandma's age, one was a couple hundred pounds overweight and sweaty, one was barely out of high school, and the last was, her cousin Vinnie. "I don't even know how I got included in this freak show," he grumbled.

"Me either," she sighed. "What do you think he's going to make us do?"

"Steph, I'm hurt," Vinnie said with a laugh. "You don't want to get nasty with me?"

"That's sick Vinnie," she grumbled at him.

"Mary Lou doesn't think so, do you, Sweetheart?" he asked as he touched her arm

"God, I'm going to throw up," she growled. "See the big guy by the back door?" Vinnie nodded. "That's my boyfriend, and he has a gun."

Vinnie looked at Steph for confirmation, she just nodded. Vinnie stepped back and held his hands in the air. "I'm a gentleman."

"As long as she's not poultry," Lester said with a laugh.

"Are you ready?" Sally yelled. The crowd screamed in response. "This is a little game I like to call Suck Me Dry and Eat Me Out."

"Oh, my, God," Steph muttered. The name alone gave her the creeps.

"Don't worry, Beautiful. I consider this one of my specialties," Les grinned.

"Men," Sally said with a delighted laugh. "You're going to show us what you can do with those tongues. Ladies, on your backs."

"Are you kidding me?" Steph grumbled. "I'm not wearing public display panties here."

"I'm not wearing panties," Val sighed.

"Oh my God," Steph grumbled at her. "How are we related?"

The girls laid on the stage with their partners standing over them. The cast member Columbia came through the line and told the girls to spread their legs as she put down a slice of cherry pie between their legs. Lester laughed as he looked down at Steph. "I do like pie," he laughed.

"That must run in the family," she muttered to herself.

"Now men, on your knees," Sally commanded. "On the count of three you'll eat all the filling out of that sweet, cherry pie. Only rule is you can't use your hands in anyway."

"One. Two. Three," screamed the crowd.

Lester grabbed Stephanie's thighs and lifted her legs over his shoulders to get them out of the way. Then he dove in, burying his entire face into the pie. He scooped the cherries out into his mouth, then did one final sweep of his tongue. He sat up and looked down at Stephanie.

She started laughing at the sticky, red goo that was all over his chin, cheeks, nose, and lips. "That is so nasty looking."

He waggled his eyebrows at her. "I don't mind getting a little dirty."

"Obviously," she said looking toward her sister and the very young Rocky that was kneeling between her legs.

Sally picked up each of the plates and looked at them sadly, until he got to Lester's plate. "Best time and licked clean," he sighed. "If you want to meet me backstage later you can give me a demonstration of what else that tongue can do, Big Boy."

Lester shook his head and pulled Stephanie against him. Stephanie laughed at him. Sally was harmless and completely straight. He was just really good at his job. He did play this part to perfection. It was equally funny, because Lester had men hit on him all the time. He was a well-dressed, good looking guy, everyone hit on him.

"I guess that's a no," Sally pouted. "Moving on then." The cast Magenta came through and handed each of the men a Twinkie. "Ladies," Sally said. "You're going to show us your skills now. On your knees!" The women all knelt on the stage. "On three, you'll suck your partner's Twinkie dry."

"Oh, God," Steph said crinkling up her nose. "I can't eat that. I'll barf. The babies don't like sugar."

"Just spit if you can't swallow," Lester said with a wink.

"God," she groaned back at him.

"Men position your Twinkies, ladies no hands allowed," Sally instructed. The guys held their Twinkies in front of their crotches.

"One, Two, Three," the crowd yelled again.

Stephanie rolled onto her butt and leaned back so her face was looking up at Lester's gold clad crotch. He squatted a little, lowering the Twinkie to her face. She lifted her mouth and latched her lips around the bottom of the Twinkie, sucking the cream straight out the holes in the bottom. After she sucked out each hole, she spat out the cream and moved on to the next. Done.

She sat up and waved at Sally. He shook his head, so she looked at the other girls. They were trying to suck the cream out the ends of their Twinkies. The pastries didn't hold up very well to that, they were crumbling and falling apart.

"Okay ladies," Sally waved at them. "Look at what you did to your man's Twinkie." Sally shook his head sadly. "You cannot destroy his Twinkie trying to suck him dry."

He took Lester's Twinkie in his hand and flipped it over. He held it out for the other women to see and broke it in half. "No cream and her man's Twinkie was still good to go," he laughed. "Get off my stage, failures."

The other couples left the stage until it was just Lester and Steph alone. "You my dear, have quite the technique," Sally said. "Even if you did spit." The crowd laughed at that. "The way you laid back and let him drop it down to your mouth," Sally moaned loudly. "You've given me quite a teabag fantasy. I just don't know if I want to teabag you or let your Rocky teabag me."

Sally's evil laughter mixed with the screaming from the crowd. Sally clapped and the cast member Magenta and Columbia returned, each with a crown. They placed them on Lester and Stephanie's heads as they were proclaimed Virgin Royalty for the night. They were kissed by all the cast members before being returned to their seats.

"There's my virgin princess," Ranger laughed as they settled into their seats.

"That was humiliating," Stephanie sighed.

"I don't know, you've given us all a teabag fantasy," Joe laughed at her.

"No shit," Bobby laughed too.

"What the hell is teabagging?" Steph asked them.

Everyone around them roared with laughter. "I could show you, Beautiful," Lester offered.

Ranger leaned over her and smacked him upside the head before putting his lips to her ear and whispering, "You know when you're lying on the bed and I kneel over you and lower my balls into your mouth?" She gave him a weird look. "That's teabagging. You know like dipping a teabag in a cup."

"Oh for fuck's sake," she grumbled. "There's a name for that?"

"There are names for everything," Lester laughed.

"Everything?" she asked skeptically.

"Sure," Les shrugged. "Like a blumpkin."

"A what?" she asked.

"You know, getting a blowjob while you're taking a shit," he answered.

She whirled around to look at Ranger for confirmation, he and Joe just nodded. "God. Gross."

"I don't know, could be useful, to cut down on the poopsterbation and stuff," Joe added.

"Uh, no, uh," Steph cringed as she pictured Morelli jerking off on his toilet.

"You know the rusty trombone, Steph?" Tank hollered down to her.

"I don't think I want to know," she groaned.

"That's when you lick your man's asshole while you reach around to give him a handjob, like a trombone player," Tank told her with a demonstration of the motion.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Lula yelled at him. "You sit down and shut that dirty mouth."

"Sorry, baby," he muttered to her.

"What about a dirty Rodriguez?" Bobby asked with a big grin. "After anal you rub your dick on your partner's upper lip and give her a shit-stache."

"Robert, our baby can hear you," Connie said covering her stomach. "And you're never getting anal again."

"Connie, it was a joke. I'd never do that. To you," he told her.

"Do you plan to move back in?" she asked. He nodded. "Then just shut up."

Stephanie couldn't believe what they'd just told her. What was wrong with men? "I smell smoke, Babe," Ranger whispered in her ear.

She turned to look at him then. "I can't believe anyone would do that, let alone enough people that there is a commonly known and agreed upon name for it," she told him.

He kissed her nose. She was too cute. "It baffles me too," he assured her.

The lights in the theater went down and music started. Steph turned her head and followed a spot light. She saw a little blonde dressed in pink kissing Hal. Then the girl turned and smiled. The music started and she began to sing, "Michael Rennie was ill the day the Earth stood still but he told us where we stand. And Flash Gordon was there in silver underwear…"

Stephanie bounced in her seat a little. She got a little excited every time she heard Sci/fi-Double Feature. She'd always heard about the Trixie doing the song live for the stage show, but she'd never seen it before. It was awesome. She had her cigarette box filled with condoms, which she passed out to the crowd. Stephanie handed hers to Joe with a wink, they both knew she didn't need them. Ranger watched them with curiosity, but just handed Joe his too. They weren't his size anyway.

Lula started passing down the prop bags, which the girls had filled earlier in the week. Ranger looked inside his and rolled his eyes. They were really going to do this, all of it. Shit.

He grabbed his baggy of rice and put the newspaper on his lap as he looked over at Stephanie. "What?" she asked.

"Just thinking about how much I love you," he told her. It wasn't a lie, he was thinking if he didn't love her so much he'd sneak out right now.

She laughed and kissed him. "I'm glad you're willing to do this crazy shit with me," she whispered. "I love you too."

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Ranger pulled off the wig and shrugged out of the jacket and hump before he leaned back and put his feet up. It was a strange night. After saying good night to Sally and congratulating him on the show they all piled into the limo, except Hal who went home with Trixie. Lester decided to take over driving the limo after breaking it to Val that it was over and she needed to fix her own marriage, he was out. Thank God.

Zero got out at Mary Lou's house, apparently he was in some sort of relationship with her and her husband, which Ranger figured accounted for Steph's weird questions earlier. He wasn't going to judge them, whatever worked. He was just glad it wasn't him dealing with having to share his wife.

Bobby and Connie got dropped off at her house, they were going to drive to Newark and hop a plane to Los Vegas, tonight. Apparently she didn't want to wait for her uncles to force him up the aisle at the end of a gun. Tank and Lula were going along as witnesses. They planned to have a second wedding night and mini-honeymoon there. Ranger imagined she was driving Tank crazy with the packing already.

He finally felt like he could relax a little now that he was alone with his Babe, just the way he liked it. "Come here, Babe," he said as he tried to pull her into his lap.

"Wait," she said. "I asked Lester to make one more stop on the way home." Ranger lifted an eyebrow at her. "Well, you know how I said I had a lot of secrets to keep today. Well, I have a few I haven't told you about yet."

He sucked in a breath and looked out the window at the hotel they were pulling up in front of. His body tensed as he began to wonder what she needed to tell him this late at night, especially here. Where she was keeping her secret other woman. "What is it, Babe?"

"Will you come upstairs with me?" she asked. "I think I need her to help me explain."

"Her?" he asked. She just shook her head. She wasn't sure how to explain any of this.

"Just come up?" He nodded, he knew he had to face whatever it was. He couldn't run from it; that was for sure. "Thank you."

"You know I'd do anything for you?"

She smiled and pecked his lips. "I hope you still say that in an hour." He didn't know what that meant, but he didn't like the sound of it.

They took the elevator to the third floor and found Manny standing outside the door she and Lester had visited earlier. "Boss, Steph," he greeted. "She's been quiet all night."

Ranger made sure his blank face was in place. Stephanie knocked and the door was unlocked. Ranger's eyes fell on the young girl standing in front of him as soon as she pulled the door open. "Julie? What the hell are you doing here?"

"Dad? Shit," she muttered as she moved aside to let them enter the room.

"Ranger, don't freak out," Steph said.

"About what?" he growled.

"I ran away from Mom's house and came up here. I can't live there anymore. I want to live with you and Steph," Julie whined at him.

"How'd you get here?"

"Commercial flight," she answered. He lifted an eyebrow at her. "I disabled all my trackers and gave my guard the slip. I hopped on a flight to Newark and called Uncle Lester when I got into town. I didn't want the Miami guys to get in trouble."

His hands were in his hair, pulling. Stephanie gave him a look and pulled his hand away from his head. "I came to talk to her this afternoon. I called Rachel. She asked us to keep her for a week, until they've had some time to cool off."

"I'm not going to be cooled off in a week," Julie insisted.

"What did your mother do?" he asked. They had always been close, he never saw this one coming.

"She forbid me to see my boyfriend the night before he left," she cried dramatically.

"Boyfriend?" he asked. "You're too young to date."

"I'm almost seventeen," she yelled at him.

He couldn't keep up with her emotions, or his. "Where was he going?"

"Afghanistan," she said with tears now. "He's in the army."

"Fuck," Ranger cursed. "Name. Rank. Unit," he barked.

"No," she yelled back at him. "I love him and you're not going to separate us. We'll be together when he gets home."

"Fuck," he cursed again. "Why didn't your mother want you to see him?"

"She said he's too old," Julie mumbled. "He's only twenty-two."

"Fuck," he yelled then. What kind of pervert tries to seduce a sixteen year old girl? Seduce? "No, no, no."

"What?" Stephanie asked him.

"Did you and this man have inappropriate carnal knowledge of one another?" he asked.

Stephanie stifled her laugh when he gave her a look. He knew it was crazy, but he couldn't say sex and Julie in the same sentence. She was a baby. His baby. "No, we're waiting until he comes home," she told them.

"Thank God," Stephanie sighed. She was worried Ranger would fly halfway around the world to kill the guy. "Now, can she stay for a week?"

"Yeah," he mumbled. "Grab your bags. I have an apartment on the fourth floor you can have for the week."

"My own apartment?" she asked. He nodded and she squealed. "Awesome."

"It's in a secured, monitored building," he told her. "You can't get out."

"That's true," Stephanie agreed. "I had to stun gun Hal to escape a lockdown once."

Julie started tossing things into her bag. Ranger looked down at the lacy thong that fell on the floor. "God," he said as he crinkled up his nose. "I'm going to wait outside."

Stephanie saw the underwear and laughed. She wasn't a ten year old anymore and he was going to have to get used to that. She wondered if talking about her unfortunate encounter with Morelli at sixteen would benefit the girl, then she wondered if that would be overstepping. She wasn't officially a parent to her. She'd have to talk to Ranger about it.

They brought the bags down to the limo and Julie stared at it. "Are you kidding?" she asked. "Holy shit. This is huge."

"What's with the language?" Ranger grumbled at her.

"What's with yours?" she asked before she climbed into the limo.

Steph kissed his lips and climbed into the car. He stood there for a moment almost wishing it was a secret lover Steph had hidden instead of this. He sighed and climbed into the car with his girls. "Do you have a pool here?" Julie asked.

"No," Ranger said. "We have a gym and a firing range."

"Oh," she nodded. "I couldn't bring my gun on the plane. Can I borrow one?"

"You have a gun?" Steph asked her.

"Since I was eleven," she nodded. "I had lessons at RangeMan. I'm safe with it."

Stephanie covered her stomach and worried about her babies covered in Kevlar and carrying tiny pistols. "You alright, Steph?" Julie asked. "You look sick."

"No, I'm alright," she said. "Just tired. I think I'm going to head upstairs while your dad settles you in."

"Thanks for today. I know I'm a pain in the ass, but you're awesome, Steph. I'm so glad you're my stepmom."

Stephanie started to cry. "Damn hormones."

Ranger looked at Julie and smiled. She was a good kid under the teen girl crap. "You too, Dad. Thanks for letting me stay," she said with a little smile.

"Anytime," he agreed. "Just call first next time."

She nodded. "I love you, Dad."

"I love you too, kid," he told her.

Stephanie sobbed a little harder. "Sorry, that was just so beautiful. I love you both, too."

"Babe." He shook his head and kissed her cheek. "I'm glad she has you for a stepmom too. She's going to need you. I'm going to mess this girl stuff up."

"You'll be fine. You're a great dad," Steph told him as she wiped at her tears.

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Ranger settled Julie into her apartment for the night then stopped up on five to check in with the guys. In particular, Hank and Chet, who were on the monitors tonight. He needed to make sure that there was a camera on Julie's door and the stairs and elevator to that floor were sealed unless remotely operated from the control room. That little shit wasn't sneak out on his guys twice in one day.

As he approached the break room he heard the laughter followed by the discussion that was taking place. Clearly they didn't know he was on the floor.

"Seriously? Tank's married?" Cal asked with a shake of his head. "Crazy."

"And Brown's going to be a daddy," Binkie said excitedly. "We're going to have a RangeMan baby."

Ranger rolled his eyes, these guys were worse than the old ladies at the Clip n Curl. "Yeah, well, you haven't heard the best part," Boner told them. "Stephanie's the mother."

"Mother of what?" Cal asked.

"Brown's kid," Boner laughed.

"Bullshit," Cal said standing with fists clenched.

"What the fuck is your problem?" Binkie asked him.

"He fucked her the night of Ranger's birthday party," Boner said. "I heard them talking about it in the hall earlier."

"You need to shut your fucking mouth," Cal warned.

"Why are you fucking her too?" Boner asked. "I was surprised about Brown. I thought Santos was the only one nailing that whore."

"You son of a bitch," Binkie growled as he grabbed him by the neck of the shirt.

Ranger heard enough. He took three steps across the room, grabbed Boner out of Binkie's grasp and nailed him with a fist to the jaw, followed by another to the nose, and a third to his eye. Once he was down on the ground both Binkie and Cal gave him a couple boots to the ribs.

"You want me to hide the body?" Lester said from behind Ranger.

"He isn't dead," Ranger said in a deathly cold voice.

"Not yet he isn't," Lester grinned sadistically.

Ranger hadn't seen that look in Lester's eyes in a long time. He wondered if Boner would live to see daylight, but that was no longer his problem. He had three men in front of him waiting for a shot at this asshole. "If he lives make sure he knows he's fired."

"You got it, boss," Lester told him. "Go home to your girl. We got this."

Ranger shook his head as he walked back toward the elevator. What a fucking night.

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Ranger crossed the room and looked down at Steph. She was curled up in the center of the bed with her head on his pillow. She said she liked to smell it when he wasn't home. He smiled down at her and moved a curl off her face. He'd never get over looking at her like that. She was so peaceful and beautiful.

A long time ago he'd sit in her apartment, watching her sleep like this. At the time he was trying hard to hide his feelings for her. He never thought he'd survive his missions or live long enough to be able to give her all that they have now. He never felt more blessed in his life. Now not only did he have his future wife in his bed, but his daughter was under his roof. Oh how his life changed for the better four Halloweens ago.

He crawled into the bed and pulled her against him so he could feel every inch of her warm skin against his body. He kissed her curls and closed his eyes.

"Carlos," she whispered sleepily. "I love you."

"I was just thinking the same about you, Babe."

She smiled and kissed his neck. "You know how you said we should do it next year, get married and start a family?"

"Mm hmm," he whispered back to her.

"What if we started now?"

He wondered what she was talking about. "Started what?"

"A family," she told him.

"Alright, Babe. Whenever you want," he replied before snuggling back in and closing his eyes again.

"Good," she said with a yawn. "I'm pregnant."

"That's good," he mumbled.

"With twins."

"Mm hmm," he whispered.

"Carlos?"

"Mm, yeah, Babe."

"Are you sleeping?"

"No," he assured her without opening his eyes.

"So you're perfectly calm about this?"

"Sure," he agreed. She couldn't believe he was sleeping through this. She yanked his ear. "What?" he growled sitting up.

"I just want to hear you say you're perfectly alright and calm about this while your eyes are open," she told him as she sat up too.

"About what?"

"Grrr," she growled back.

"Babe," he apologized. "I'm sorry. It was a really long day. You have no idea what I've been through trying to figure out what you were keeping from me."

She was astounded by that. She shook her head at him. "You had a long day? I don't know what you've been through?" she asked as she felt rhino-mode kick in. "I practically broke my vagina having too much sex with you from all these hormones, dealt with the police over the half-assed report Cris turned in on that break in, passed out while I was at lunch with Joe, and had to go to the hospital for tests. Then I had to sit through my sister talking about fucking Lester and Mary Lou and her Lenny-Zero threesome. Oh, and don't forget that Lula got married and Connie got pregnant, both the doings of your best friends. So I had to haul my ass back over here to make sure they both did the right thing by them. Then Julie shows up and I had to deal with that since she was afraid you were going to send her to Siberia or something and now I'm trying to tell you that we're going to have babies and you're sleeping," she screamed at him.

He lifted an eyebrow at her. "Babies?"

"Yes, Carlos, babies. Two of them," she told him. "You impregnated me with your super Batsperm and now we're having twins."

He jumped out of bed wide eyed and stared down at her. "We're having babies?" She nodded yes. "We're having babies, Steph! Babies!" The next thing she knew she was yanked out of bed and spun around until she felt like she was going to hurl. He dropped them to the bed and kissed her senseless. "God, I love you."

"I love you too," she laughed. "So you're not upset?"

"Upset?" he grinned. "No. I'm not upset." He moved down her body and pecked kisses all over her stomach. "Hey, soldiers, I'm your daddy," he said speaking into her belly button. "You be good to your mommy in there or you'll have me to deal with when you come out."

"Ranger," she laughed.

"No, Steph, Ranger is gone. No more missions, or captures, or street fights," he told her. "I'm Carlos, or Daddy, from now on."

"Get up here, Daddy," she grinned. "These babies don't like sugar and Mommy's hormones are going crazy here."

"Mommy," he grinned and rubbed her stomach. "I like it, Babe."

"Me too," she grinned back before pulling him down for a kiss.

Ranger kissed her back even though his lips wouldn't stop smiling. His Wonder Woman never disappoints.


	5. Year 5

** **Author's notes... Each chapter of this story can stand as its own story, but they are also continued from the previous year. Mature Rating continues for some bad language, adult situations, and some light smut. Nothing too bad in this chapter. **

**I wanted to have this up yesterday, but life was busy so I'm late. Anyway, thanks to all of you who stuck with me through this tale. It's been interesting and so off the wall nasty at times that I wanted to give it a nice, sweet ending. I hope I wrapped up everyone's story and you've enjoyed it all. Thanks again readers. ** **

Halloween morning (1 year later)

Carlos was walking through the airport when he started to notice the appreciative looks from not only the women, but the men. What the hell was happening? He felt the squeeze to his hand and looked at the woman smiling back at him. A man walking the other direction walked into a glass wall. She thought it was funny. Ranger growled, it seemed he finally met a woman that's smile had the same effect as his own. Fuck.

Not only did she have the smile, nope, she had a beautifully shaped face and deep brown eyes. Her hair flowed in silky waves over her shoulders, which she seemed to have the ability to flip about herself like the best of them. She was five foot six and looked to be all legs in the little denim skirt she was wearing. Not to mention the shoes, they reminded him of Stephanie's FMP's. That made him growl again. How the hell was he going to sit next to her all the way to Trenton and not go crazy?

They took their seats together and it didn't take long before she snuggled up against him, resting her head on his shoulder. He smiled to himself and kissed her forehead. He was just starting to think he had the perfect life, he had this beautiful young woman's love as well as his sexy fiancée and two perfect babies at home, but then some asshole winked at him and used his hands to mimic squeezing breasts while nodding toward Carlos' companion.

He looked down at her and growled again. The little camisole style tank top she wore had sagged a little in the front, revealing indecent amounts of the smooth caramel skin of her breasts. "Jesus Christ, keep your eyes off of her," he yelled at the man. He pulled off his zip-up hoodie and draped it around her shoulders. "Put that on, it's cold in Trenton."

She rolled her eyes and pushed her arms into the sleeves. "Chill out, Dad," she said with a laugh.

The freak across the aisle was still staring. "I warned you to keep your eyes off of her. She's seventeen for fuck's sake," Carlos said in a low growl.

"Sorry," the guy said turning around. He was going to fucking break that asshole's neck. God damn pervert was older than him and clearly had a hard-on for a little girl.

"Dad, you promised mom you wouldn't kill anyone in front of me," Julie said still laughing.

"Then keep those covered," he said waving his hand at her chest. She rolled her eyes again and popped her ear buds into her ears with a smile.

This was karma, that's what it was. He was cursed with a having a beautiful seventeen year old daughter that was built more like she was twenty-five. Why the fuck couldn't she still be in a training bra? Or short and fat?

Nope, she was built like her mother and look where that got Rachel. It got her knocked up at nineteen by some asshole one night stand that was looking for nothing more than tits and a warm hole. God damn it, this was the punishment for his crimes. Maybe he could convince her to join a convent or something. Then he wouldn't have to worry anymore…until Lily was old enough to date.

Shit, what if Lily was built like her mother too, fuck, that'd be worse than this. He was in hell. He'd never sleep again. Perhaps he'd lock them both in a safe house until they turned forty. Mother of God, what if he didn't live until they were forty? He should start training Ricky in hand to hand combat. There was nothing more important than defending your sisters, and his son would learn that.

At least when they got to Trenton Julie would be safely locked away at RangeMan. He smiled to himself thinking about the surprise he had for Stephanie tonight. She thought he was away on 'business'. He knew it pissed her off that he said he'd be unreachable except through Tank, but it'd be worth it in the end. He slipped an arm around his daughter and kissed her hair, as lucky as he was now, after tonight he'd be even luckier.

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Stephanie Plum was climbing the walls, okay, figuratively. In reality she was sitting cross legged in the big leather club chair that sat in the corner of the family room in her new house. She cradled her baby daughter Lily in her lap, absentmindedly rubbing the little dark curls that topped her head.

"I know we'll have to put these babies down and actually do some work at some point," Lula said. "I just can't let go of this one. I'm in love with you, little man." Ricky didn't seem to mind. He just lifted his foot and popped it into his mouth. "Just look at those little toes and those big, blue eyes. You're the most handsome man alive."

Stephanie smiled, both twins had been born with big, blue eyes. While Ricky's were happy and twinkled a lot, his sister, Lily's eyes were cold and assessing, unless she was looking at her mommy. That wasn't the only difference either. Ricky had straight, thick dark hair just like Carlos, while Lily's hair resembled her own crazy curls.

Ricky was also the vocal one. He screamed to be held and fed, while his sister was as quiet as can be. Now, at five and half months, she was able to scoot around the floor and that quiet thing was kind of scary. She hid behind furniture, then would just sit there quietly until someone found her. It kind of reminded Steph of Carlos when he used to sit on stake outs like that.

"When is Carlos going to be home anyway?" Lula asked.

Stephanie shrugged and felt a tear fall from her eye. "He said he'd be home for the party," she said quietly.

"What's wrong?"

Steph shrugged again. "It's just the first time he's been away overnight since we had the babies, that's all."

Lula watched her for a minute. "That's not all. What else has you so upset?"

Stephanie wasn't sure she wanted to voice what she was feeling. She was kind of afraid it'd make it more real, but not saying anything was kind of killing her. It'd been eating at her since he told her he was leaving last week. "He promised he wouldn't go into the wind anymore or take any more dangerous jobs," she told Lula. "You know, he said he wanted to be here for us. But now I can't reach him, except through Tank. And he wouldn't tell me where he was going or what he was doing. I wonder if he's getting tired of this domestic stuff. What if he decides he doesn't want me and a house and…" she covered Lily's ears, "the kids."

"You're being crazy," Lula assured her. "He loves you and these little honeys so much it's kind of sick to watch the bunch of you together. Believe me, you have nothing to worry about."

Stephanie nodded. She knew that he loved her and the kids, there was no denying that. It was just that in the last year his life had completely changed and she knew he wasn't one who embraced change all that well. "Thank you for staying here with me last night."

Lula nodded back at her. "Tankie was staying at RangeMan anyway. They had something big going down last night and with Carlos out of town he was running things."

"Carlos staying home with us hasn't taken Tank away from you too much, has it?" Steph wondered. She herself hadn't been back to work since the twins were born either. She figured it was taking more of a toll on the guys than they let on.

"No, not at all," Lula insisted. "I feel a lot better knowing he isn't out working on the more dangerous jobs anymore. I like him being in the office and so did the people at the agency."

"What?" Steph asked excitedly. "Did they find you a baby?"

"Two of them," she said happily. "They're brothers, four years and eight months old. Their mama was a crack ho like mine, so I told them I didn't mind helping the kids with their problems. Anyway, they're in temporary foster care now, but we got to meet them and they're just beautiful."

Stephanie was crying again. "I'm so happy for you," she told Lula, and she was. She'd always felt horrible knowing that Lula couldn't have children when she accidently had two. "You and Tank are going to be great parents."

"Well, I've had a lot of practice helping with this little guy," Lula laughed and blew on Ricky's tummy. His arms and feet immediately started flying all directions as he squealed. Lily's eyes narrowed and she glared at her twin, she didn't like the noise.

Stephanie tensed when she heard the doorbell, but got up to answer it anyway. She knew what it was going to be and felt a little sick about it. "Hey Beautiful," Lester grinned. "There's my chic magnet."

"Lester," she sighed. "Do not try to pick up girls with my babies."

"I never try, it just happens," Lester smiled as he took Lily out of Steph's arms. "Right, baby?" he asked Lily.

"He's full of shit," Cal said from behind him. "We all know he's completely pussy whipped."

Lester just shrugged, Cal wasn't completely wrong. Les has been dating the same woman for five months now. That was practically a lifetime for him, in relationship terms anyway. No other has ever last more than two weeks. But he is getting older now and the things he wants now are so much different than what he wanted even a year ago. Maybe it's because everyone around him suddenly grew up, leaving him behind. Tank and Bobby are married. Ranger and Bobby have kids. Hal and Ranger are both engaged, about to be married really. Yes, he was suddenly alone and he didn't like it at all. In fact he realized he wanted those things too, someday.

Not that he was out looking for a girlfriend or a relationship when he met Diana. Meeting her had been completely accidental and the slow road he took in getting to know her may have led him somewhere he'd never gone before. He wouldn't admit it to the guys, but he was falling in love with her. He just had to tell her that, which made him feel kind of sick to think about. What if she didn't say it back?

Stephanie smiled at Les. She knew the guys gave him some crap about Diana, but she was really happy for him. Diana was a really sweet girl, pretty too, and she imagined wild in bed. She caught Lester after all. Not that Steph was thinking about Lester in bed. Not often anyway. It was just that Val wouldn't stop dropping details about their long ago liaison.

Lester, on the other hand, didn't think about Val at all. He didn't think about anyone but Diana. He was reformed and the guys would just have to get used to that fact. He wasn't about to give up on love just when he found it.

Lester bounced his little goddaughter and smiled. "Diana can whip me anytime she pleases. Just remember whose getting laid around here," he told Cal, which earned him a big snort from the other man.

Stephanie sighed. She figured both were getting more than she had been recently. They tried to make time whenever they could, but it seemed there was always a kid awake interrupting them. Or, oh boy, if they were both asleep you better believe Carlos and she were asleep too. She couldn't pass up on that opportunity. Maybe that's why he left town. Without her.

She shook her head. She wasn't going to go there. Carlos wouldn't run away to sleep with some other woman, in some other city, somewhere. Probably somewhere he kept an apartment or an office and a woman at some point before they were together. What if that woman was still hanging around? Waiting. No, no, no. She wasn't going to go there. He'd never do something like that. He loves her and her alone.

"Yeah, well, while you're making love like a gentleman I'm getting my fuck on," Cal retorted. "Think about that."

Lester and Stephanie both snorted, at the same time. They both knew fucking couldn't hold a candle to being with someone you love, but they were both just a little bit lonely in that department. Carlos and Diana both worked, a lot. Plus, Stephanie was beginning to wonder if Carlos missed getting his fuck on with women that weren't covered in baby spit up. Even just a little bit. She looked up at Lester, did he miss the random women?

"Go help the guys unload," Les ordered without a reply.

Cal laughed and headed back to the SUV. Lester shut the door and kissed Steph's cheek. "How's my second favorite girl?" he asked her, then winked and smiled at Lily. She was obviously his favorite girl.

Steph's smile faltered. "Do you think Ranger's tired of being with me? Bored with all of this?"

Lester's arm slipped around her shoulder so he could pull her against his side. She snuggled there, wrapping her arms around both Les and the baby. "No, Beautiful. I guarantee he's not bored, nor will he ever be bored. He loves you."

"But…"

"There are no buts to this. You know he's an honorable man or you wouldn't love him so much." She nodded. "Just trust him, please. You'll see that your worries are unfounded."

She didn't know about that. "Is he really in the wind?"

"He's not in any danger. I promise you that," Les told her.

He didn't like the idea of lying to Steph, but he knew it'd be worth it if Ranger could pull this off tonight. She deserved a little stress-free happiness and that's what Ranger was trying to give her. Only it didn't seem to be working out that way. She was stressing about him being gone. Ranger should have come up with a better cover. This one sucked.

He should have just said he had to go to work, in Miami for a couple days. Steph would have understood that. She couldn't fly with both babies so he'd still have time to pull together what he needed to without worrying her. Sometimes Ranger didn't think, at least not when Steph was involved.

"Now, why don't you tell me about the party plans? I assume the girls will be here soon to help you get everything set up?" he asked, hoping the change in topic would brighten her mood.

She did smile then, slipping out of his embrace and taking his hand, she led him into the family room where Lula was lying on the floor, holding Ricky above her. "You remember not to worry your mama like your daddy has. Sometimes he's dumb for a smart guy. Aunt Lula will teach you to think with things other than your little wiener, alright?" she cooed at him.

"Lula," Steph grumbled at her.

"You never tell the man he has a small soldier," Lester scolded. "No worries, Ricky, you come from good stock. The men of our family are all hung like horses."

"Yeesh," Stephanie grumbled. "Stop tell my kids about…penises."

Lula sat up and settled Ricky back on her lap. "I was only trying to be sure he wouldn't turn into a dumbass like the other men in his family," she told Lester with a glare.

"What'd I do?" he complained.

"Valerie," Steph mumbled.

"Come on, that was ages ago."

"It was last year," she pointed out.

"It's true," Lula agreed. "You're always thinking with the little guy." She pointed at his crotch.

He lifted an eyebrow at her. "I do not. Diana and I dated for three months before we slept together and she's the only woman I care to be with. My soldier knows when to take orders, and he isn't little," he grumbled at them both.

Stephanie smiled. "So you do love her?"

He nodded yes. "Just don't say anything. I didn't tell her yet."

"Why not?"

"Steph, it's not that easy. You of all people should know that," he told her.

"I know that you watched Carlos and I struggle. You should have learned something from that," she told him.

"Yeah, well, you and Ranger were both thinking with your little soldiers for too long," Lula told him. "It's hard to stop, but you gotta make an effort. Like Ranger has."

"Oh, bullcrap. Why do I get the bad rap? You know what Ranger called his? The General, because his dick wasn't just in charge of him, but all of us when we went out. That fricker could pick up a group of women for us all. I was just there, along for the ride. So stop hating on me. Your man was worse. And don't get me started on Tank," he ranted.

Stephanie felt sick. She'd always known Ranger was a player before her, but she didn't like the confirmation. How in the world could she keep a man like him interested, especially now that she gained weight from the babies, and her hips were wider, and her boobs, well, they still leaked when he touched them? God, she was so gross and he was off doing whatever with whoever. Crap.

"You dumb bunny," Lula yelled at him, using her inventive language. She wouldn't swear in front of the babies. They all tried not to. "Don't you talk about his past with her."

"Ah, geez, Steph. That was ten years ago. Way before you were together. He hasn't been that way since he met you and he doesn't want to be. Just like I don't want to be anymore. Nothing's better than being with the woman you love. Nothing else compares to that," Lester assured her. "I was just angry, and scared that I have to tell Diana and I'm not sure she feels the same."

Stephanie and Lula both smiled at him. He really was reformed. "Of course she does," Steph whispered to him. "How couldn't she? You're an amazing man Les." Crap, she was crying again. What the heck was wrong with her?

She just couldn't help it. Looking at Lester standing there holding his little Lily reminded her of the first time he held her. The day she was born.

Lester had been her hero that day, along with Joe Morelli. She was at the Tasty Pastry that morning, getting a secret Boston Crème, or two, and she started to hemorrhage. The babies were five weeks early and she thought she was going to die. Lester drove like he was in the Daytona 500, with Joe leading the way with his lights and sirens flashing. They called Carlos, who was on his way to Boston, and stayed by her side until he got back, only twenty minutes after the babies were born.

Due to the placental abrasion they had to do an emergency C-section. The men didn't leave her side even then. They were gowned and stationed next to her head, one on each side. Francis Ricardo was delivered first, at five pound five ounces and Lilyanna Michelle was delivered three minutes later at four pounds six ounces. The babies were moved to the NICU, where Lester stationed himself as their guardian. He stayed there for a good portion of the two weeks the babies were kept there.

That was where he met Diana. She was a pretty, blonde NICU nurse. She taught him how to do that kangaroo thing Lily liked so much. You know, he took his shirt off and laid the baby on his chest then wrapped them both in a blanket and rocked her. Lester wasn't about to argue with her about doing something so weird, even though he teased her about just wanting to see him without a shirt. He knew nothing of babies, but he did it every day, just like Morelli had. They were her godfathers after all. They'd do anything for her. Besides, he didn't look nearly as weird as Tank did when he came to hold Ricky.

Steph swiped at her tears. She was so lucky to have so many loving friends willing to help her out. She and Carlos tried to keep up, but with two babies and needing some rest of their own they felt like they were failing. That's when Tank and Lula came in to sit with their godson, while Les and Joe took shifts with little Lily. The guys weren't exactly the traditional set of godparents, but Steph knew they'd do anything for her and protect her with their lives. Lily needed that. She was her daughter after all. It also didn't hurt that they were both dating medical professionals, Lily'd probably need that too.

Which led her to why she shouldn't be so worried about today. "You're just taking them back to RangeMan, right?" she questioned.

"Affirmative. Full security per Uncle Tank. Plus, Uncle Les is in charge of feedings. Uncle Binkie is in charge of entertainment. Grammy Ella will cover diapering. And Uncle Bobby is bring their little cousin to play," Lester reported.

Stephanie smiled. She knew she could trust the guys with the babies. It was just weird. She didn't like to leave them. She got anxiety, bad. The only time she didn't is if she knew Lula was there. Lula was the best babysitter in the world. She loved those babies and she took care of them exactly the way Steph did. But she couldn't spare Lula for babysitting, not yet anyway. They had a party to set up.

This was to be their very first Halloween party in their new house. Everyone was invited. Everyone including the guys from RangeMan, her friends from the TPD, both their families, the girls, even Sally Sweet. It was going to be huge and she had to get it all set up, without Carlos.

"Alright, but you promise me that you'll call me if you need anything. I'll be there as fast as I can," she promised.

"I promise, but I'll also promise that we aren't going to need you," he said with a smile. Besides all the people he mentioned he left out the most important members of the team. Ranger would be there to take care of them and so would their big sister Julie. He actually figured between Ella and Julie they wouldn't have to do anything.

"Okay," she sighed as she went into the kitchen to grab their jackets and infant carriers. She couldn't believe she was letting the guys babysit. "Keep them away from the guns."

"No worries, I got the Kevlar onesies I ordered in my office," he teased. She hit him with her mommy death glare and he faltered. "I'm kidding. No guns, or Kevlar."

"Good boy," she told him with a pat to his head. So he rolled his eyes making her giggle.

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Carlos dropped some coins into the parking meter, then stood on the sidewalk waiting for Julie to find the lip gloss she dropped under the seat. He was ready to tell her that he'd buy her a new one if she'd just give up the search so he could get into the florist in the next three minutes. He hated being late for an appointment. He thought tardiness showed weakness of character. He supposed he'd have to teach his kids that too.

"I thought you were out of town," Morelli said as he walked up behind him.

"As far as Steph's concerned I'm still out of town," he warned.

Morelli's head tilted as he stared into the car and let out a slow whistle. "Tell me that's not what it looks like, because damn…" Morelli said with wide eyes. "That is a hellava bachelor party waiting to happen."

Carlos looked into the car and saw his daughter on her knees with her ass up in the air, still only covered in that miniskirt. "Fuck," he muttered to himself. "Will you please stop? Get out of the car. I'll buy you a new one. As many as you want, just please stop doing that," he yelled into the car at her.

Julie backed out of the car, one long leg at a time. Morelli was focused on her ass. Joe didn't like the idea of Carlos cheating on Steph, but he could hardly blame Manoso. He'd hit that in a heartbeat, well, maybe not anymore. He was almost engaged now, but, hell, so was Manoso. "You're a dog, Manoso. I can't believe you're screwing around on Steph," Morelli grinned at him. "Not that I blame you. God, that is some ass."

Joe never saw the fist coming. His head snapped back and he saw stars for a second before refocusing on Manoso's scowling face. "That's my daughter. My seventeen year old daughter, you fucking pervert," he snarled into Joe's face. Oddly enough, Carlos felt a little better. Maybe he needed a good fight. It had been a while.

"Jesus," Joe said staring at the obviously young girl that was walking toward them. "I'm sorry. I thought your kid was like twelve or something. "

Carlos just shook his head. He wished she was still twelve. He was cursed. Completely fucking cursed. This was out of control. He'd need to lock her in his apartment sooner than he thought he would. It wouldn't do to have to kill every man in the burg, on his wedding day. "What are you doing anyway? I thought you said you'd pick up the cake?" Carlos asked the other man.

Joe rubbed his jaw. "I just stopped at the bakery. They're going to deliver the cake for me. I only stopped to see if you needed help with anything else."

Carlos took a deep breath and expelled it slowly. "Go check on Steph. I don't want her going crazy. Take her for a pizza or something."

Joe smiled widely, "Nice. I can be the bachelorette party."

Carlos's hand squeezed into another tight fist. "Morelli."

Joe laughed and shook his head. God, he loved fucking with that bastard. He looked over at Julie and winked. "Make sure your dad doesn't fuck this up," he told her.

"Of course," she said with a little smile and a finger wave before walking past them into the florist.

Joe's eyes stayed on her back and he shook his head. "You need more bullets," Morelli told Carlos. "You're going to have to shoot half the burg when they see her."

"Fuck," Carlos muttered to himself again as he walked off after the girl. He was definitely cursed.

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"So what do you need help with?" Mary Lou asked as she walked into the kitchen where Val and Helen Plum were putting the finishing touches on all the snack foods.

"I think we got everything here," Val told her.

"Until _those_ people show up," Helen complained. "I can't believe he hired a catering staff. The man is completely frivolous. I knew it when I saw that car of his all those years ago and I knew it when I saw your engagement ring and I knew it when I saw this gigantic house he bought you, but caterers, that is just too far over the top."

"Mom, he just wants us all to be able to enjoy the party without having to wait on the guests," Steph explained for the fifth time that afternoon.

"That's the fun of having a burg party, playing hostess," she grumbled.

"We don't live in the burg," Steph pointed out. That was true. They had bought a large house on a cul-de-sac in Hamilton Township. It was a quiet, secured neighborhood that Steph and Carlos loved. Everyone loved it. Tank and Lula liked it so much they bought a house on the opposite side of the street, since the location was already secured it just made sense. Though Steph just thinks Tank wanted to be close to Carlos. It's still his mission in life to keep Carlos safe.

"It's kind of nice to get out of the burg," Connie agreed. She and Bobby moved into a house in Ewing last spring and she seemed to love the freedom she's gotten by getting away from her Family, just a little. Even if they do like having Bobby in the Family, mostly due to the discount they get on security services now.

Helen crossed herself. "The way you girls talk," she mumbled.

"I'm still a burg girl, Mom," Val told her.

This time Helen kept her thoughts to herself as she took a sip of her doctored tea. Why her? One daughter married to a lawyer, but messing around on him with some sexy Latino. The other daughter not married, but living with a man and their out of wedlock children. She only wanted them to be happy and Stephanie had achieved that. Helen knew she should be happy about that, but she wasn't, and she wouldn't be until that man actually married her and made his children legitimate. Then she'd be happy, probably, though she'd still have to work on Valerie. She needs to be a better wife to poor Albert. Especially after all he did for her.

"Why don't we just finish up the decorations in the backyard? Hector and Cal finished installing the sound system and the lighting for me a little while ago. And Manny and his brother are setting up tables and chairs as we speak," she said, mentally checking things off her list.

"Manny's brother?" Mary Lou asked as she looked out the kitchen window. "He's a little hot tamale."

"Mary Lou," Steph gasped. "He's child, stop looking at him."

"He's not a child. He's going to Princeton," Val informed the group. They all turned and looked at her. "What? He's wearing a Princeton tee, not a RangeMan uniform, so I asked."

"You keep your cougar hands off him," Lula told her. "That boy doesn't want a piece of Albert."

"Though I wouldn't mind a piece of Albert," Mary Lou teased. "The man is smoking hot."

The other women all agreed. After the fiasco with Lester and Val last year Ranger started training him, in the gym and in the kitchen. The man lost all his bumbling, clumsiness and added enough muscle to look good in his RangeMan tee shirt. Val snorted then and shook her head. "I'll admit, the diet Carlos put him on has helped with his gas problems, but he certainly didn't give him any oral instruction if you know what I mean."

Stephanie's eyes widened at her sister's outburst and she quickly nodded her head toward their mother. Helen stood there looking from one daughter to the other. Then she just broke. "Oh, for crying out loud, Valerie. If you want the man to eat you properly just tell him how to do it. Do you think they come out of the box knowing what to do? I'm sure Carlos had years of practice before he ended up with your sister," their mom complained, forgoing the teacup for a slug of whiskey straight from the bottle. "And you, Stephanie, no one ever needed to know about Joe Morelli's lizard tongue or Carlos's magic wizard mouth. Some things need to be private. Lord help me, I never told you about how your father likes to go down on me in the kitchen. Right on the counter where I make your dinner. See, this is why I drink. Between the two of you and your grandmother running around in crotchless panties there is nothing else I can do."

The younger girls all stood there, slack jawed, as they stared at Helen, chugging from the bottle of the whiskey. Stephanie took it out of her hand and took a big swig too, before handing it to her sister. Her mom was right, some things needed to be kept private.

"You're right, Mrs. Plum, Val should instruct Albert. Lenny and I have been doing this domination thing, he loves to be instructed and it's all to my benefit," Mary Lou told them, completely unashamed. "I have some DVDs if you want to take a look at them."

Val grimaced and shook her head. "I don't want to watch porn," she whispered, not looking at her mom.

"Why the hell not?" Lula asked. "It's a completely healthy thing for a couple to do together."

"Bobby's got a giant box of it," Connie agreed.

"I remember what he had in that box," Stephanie laughed loudly. "Is that how you got those earrings?"

Connie laughed and touched the diamond earrings. She smiled and nodded. "_That_ hole wasn't off limits after I had Dante."

"Oh, good heavens," Helen whispered to Stephanie, before glugging some more booze. "Are they always like this?" Steph just nodded with a shrug. Helen took another long drink before looking at Stephanie. "You don't, participate in such things, do you?"

"Butt stuff?" Steph asked. Her mother's face turned bright red, but she nodded yes. Stephanie smiled. "I had a C-section. There was no reason to go to the backdoor."

Helen took another gulp of whiskey. She needed strength. "Your Dad's been on about that for years. Do you girls like it?"

Stephanie shrugged again. "I don't hate it, but then again, we only tried it a couple times."

"But no one loves it," Lula agreed.

"But it does have its place, like as a treat for your man," Mary Lou told them.

"But make sure he knows what he's doing first or it'll be a disaster," Val added.

"That's a lot of buts…" Helen said, then burst into laughter.

"Oh boy," Steph muttered. Her mom was completely drunk, and it was only noon. Plus, her uptight sister and best friend stood there talking about butt stuff like they were casually talking about the potato salad at the deli being on sale. Steph sighed, when did she become the responsible one here? "Mom, why don't you come sit down on the couch? I'll drive you home in a little while."

"I don't want to go home," she complained. "Your grandmother was trying to make her nipples shoot lasers before I left."

"Say what?" Lula asked as she slipped the whiskey bottle out of Helen's hand and put it back into the cupboard.

"Her bra," Val explained. "It's part of her costume."

"Great," Stephanie complained. "I'll have the guys bring more fire extinguishers for tonight." She did not need her house set on fire. She hasn't caused a fire in four years, not since Barnyard's porch went up in flames. She had no idea what her grandma planned, but she wouldn't put flames past her.

"So what is your costume, Mrs. Plum?" Connie asked.

"Frank and I are going to be Popeye and Olive Oyl," she snickered. "He's got big fake Ranger muscles for that costume."

"Mom," Steph sighed again as she tugged her into the living room.

"What? You know that the garden club has a poster of him without his shirt on?" she continued.

"What? How?"

"Your neighbor Mrs. Douglas saw him in the backyard putting up the fence, half naked, so she took a photo and blew it up," her mom explained.

"Oh my God," Steph grumbled. "That's terrible."

"He's so sexy. I feel funny looking at him, he's practically my son now, but I can't not look."

"I feel that same, Mom. And to think, he could be my husband instead of Steph's baby daddy if she wasn't so greedy," Val complained.

Stephanie slapped her hand over her own mouth to stop the rant that was building. Was every woman in the burg lusting after her Carlos? What if they were coming onto him too? How long could he resist? Yeesh, both Dickie and Joe gave into much less pressure from a lot less women. Maybe she needed to spice things up, to keep him interested. Would that even work?

"He's not my baby daddy, we're getting married," she said softly.

"Sure," Val laughed. "Someday."

Now that was just unfair. "We are. I just haven't had time to plan a wedding with the babies and the new house and Carlos's work schedule," she complained.

"So you're really ready to marry him?" Mary Lou asked. "You know it's forever?"

"Of course I know it's forever and of course I'm ready to marry him. In my heart we've been married for the last three years. He's the only man I'll ever love like this and I plan to spend my entire life with him," she informed them all, even though her heart was beating out of her chest. That was what she wanted, but why hadn't he pushed for a wedding date? Maybe he wasn't ready yet. Maybe he didn't want to be with her forever anymore. Crap.

"You know you're the last one of us to get married," Connie sighed. "Who would have thought?"

Who indeed? "We were saving the best for last, right?" Lula asked.

"Yeah," she sighed. "Sure."

"I could have your wedding planned by the end of the afternoon," Helen told her. "I could have you married within the month."

Stephanie cringed and her eye twitched. The one thing she did know about this marriage was that it wouldn't start with a wedding reception at the VFW, or the Masonic Center, or the American Legion, or whatever weird hall her mother could come up with. Nope. Maybe Vegas wasn't out of the question after all. "I think I need to speak to Carlos before we start making plans," she lied. She wasn't about to bring it up first. She didn't want to be the nagging fiancé. Or the pathetic wife that forced him into a marriage he didn't want. Nope.

"We got you a costume, just in case Carlos doesn't come through for you," Lula said changing the subject. "We're all going as the girls from the movie Bridesmaids. Hot pink dresses and FMP's. You could get into that."

Steph was disappointed in not being able to match the girls, but she did promise Carlos last Halloween that he could pick out their costumes this year. He knew she settled on a movie theme for this year's party. And she knew he wouldn't forget. He never forgot anything, ever. "He'll come through for me," she said and finally she believed it. If said he'd be here for the party, he would be.

The girls all smiled as Steph rushed off to answer the door. They weren't just dressing like the girls from Bridesmaids, they were going to be bridesmaids tonight. Hers.

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Joe helped tuck Mrs. Plum into the backseat of his SUV. He had to admit he knew something weird would happen when he got to Steph's to pick her up for lunch. To his surprise he didn't have to argue to get her to agree to go. She seemed like she was ready for an escape and once Lula promised they'd do the outdoor decorations then head home to get ready she agreed easily, on one condition. He had to help her get her drunk mother home without incident.

"What did she drink?" he whispered to Steph after they shut the door.

"Half a bottle of Johnny Walker," she answered with a shake of her head. "I think Val and I drive her to drink."

Joe laughed, he could only imagine why Helen felt the need to drink her brunch. He got behind the wheel and reached across the vehicle to pop the door open for Steph. She smiled as she crawled in. It had been a long day and she was glad to take a break with someone she could just relax with. She knew Joe would never pressure her to talk about her non-wedding or talk about how hot Carlos is. She was in safe company now.

Well, almost. "Joseph Morelli," her mother slurred. "When are you getting married? Your doctor friend is very pretty and you can't wait for Stephanie and Carlos to break up any longer. She's a mother now," Helen said, loudly.

"I'm not sure, but I'm not waiting on Steph," he answered. "You don't want me to wait do you?"

Stephanie rolled her eyes. "No, I'm good."

He laughed. "Me too," he agreed, before pulling a ring box from his pocket and handing it to Steph. She opened it and found a brilliant round diamond solitaire. "What do you think?"

"You can't propose to her, she's already engaged," Helen screamed. "Oh, Lord, that's all I need. A daughter with brother husbands. What will the burg say about that one?"

"Mom…" Steph started, but Joe shook his head no.

"I already feel like Carlos's brother husband. We've been sharing her for nine years now, right?" Joe informed her mother. "I can't let her go now."

"Oh, dear God," she said flapping around in the backseat. "This is illegal."

"Not if we just all live together as a married throuple without having the ceremony," Joe told her.

"Throuple?" Steph asked with a raised eyebrow.

"A threesome," he answered. "We won't even have to do anything dirty. We can just alternate nights we sleep with her, unless you want to sleep with us both?" he winked at her.

"Joe," Steph squealed at him and shut the ring box. "Good God."

"Stephanie Michelle Plum, this is what happens when you let men be too amorous. She let you do the butt stuff too, didn't she?" Helen grumbled at them both.

Joe lifted an eyebrow at Steph and grinned. "I was hoping the diamond would encourage her to give me some butt stuff."

Stephanie slapped him. "Stop it."

"I can't stop, Steph. I want you bad," he smirked, as Helen cried in the backseat.

They pulled up at the Plums house and Joe opened the door for Helen. "Don't do this, Joe," she pleaded.

"You always wanted me as a son-in-law, has that changed?" he asked knowingly.

"Oh, Joe, I did, but Stephanie and Carlos belong together. Let her have a good life with him. He's a good boy too," she told them.

"Alright, for you Mrs. Plum. I'll let her go," he promised. "You sure you want Manoso for a son-in-law?"

"Oh, yes. Carlos is a sweet boy. I want them to be together," she swore.

"Okay, then so do I," Joe promised again as he settled her on the couch with a big grin.

"Oh, thank you Joseph. You're a good boy," she said again as her eyes slipped closed.

Stephanie followed him back out the front door and stood on the steps looking at him. They both burst into laughter. "I can't believe she said all that nice stuff about Carlos," Stephanie howled.

Joe smiled back, and now he knew Helen wouldn't make a scene tonight at the wedding. She'd just be happy Steph wasn't butt fucking them both. "That was fun," he said as he slipped an arm around her. "Now about the ring?"

"You're proposing?" Steph asked.

"After the party," he agreed. "It's our one year anniversary today."

"Awe, how sweet are you?" she teased and gave him a big hug. "Congratulations."

"Not yet, you'll jinx me. I have to ask her yet," he teased as they loaded back into the SUV.

"Are you kidding me? Miranda is completely in love with you. She'll say yes," Steph assured him. "What are you dressing as tonight anyway?"

"Can't tell," he told her. "It's a surprise, but you'll like it." And she would, they were going as Egon and Janine from Ghostbusters, just for Steph. It is her night after all.

Minutes later they pulled into Pino's. Joe took her hand as they walked into the restaurant. How weird would it be after today? She'd be another man's wife and he'd be engaged to another women. He never imagined he could be happy with that scenario, but he was happy. Very happy. Hell, he was in love with Miranda. "What's that look about?" she asked.

"Just being nostalgic I guess," he sighed. "You know I'll always love you."

"I love you too," she assured him. "Nothing will change that."

"They say you never forget your first love. I suppose that's true. I've loved you since you were five," he teased.

"Mm, I've loved you since then too, even if you were a jerk most of the time," she agreed.

"It would have been cooler than hell if things would have worked out for us," he told her as they slid into a booth to await their meatball subs.

She shrugged, "It's cooler than hell that we came out of all this best friends."

He nodded his approval. He was glad they had this too. He certainly wouldn't be the same man without her in his life.

"So, tell me about the rumors. Did Miranda really slap your Grandma Bella?" she asked.

Joe laughed loudly. "No. Grandma told her that she was going to put the eye on her for making me chili, not pasta, when it was cold last week. Miranda flicked her in the nose and told her she'd curse her right back. She claimed her great-grandma was a pagan, Celtic priestess that could put her eye to shame and she learned her magic."

"Oh, my God. I would have paid money to see that," Stephanie laughed right back. "So Bella backed down?"

"Yes," Joe smiled. "That's when I knew I had to marry her."

"Agreed," Stephanie laughed. "She won't catch the Vordo."

Joe groaned as he thought about that. "That was just wrong you know."

She shrugged with a smile. "Yes, but if you would have caught me that week with your offer to be a throuple I would have jumped on that."

"Christ," he growled. "Manoso and I would never be able to share."

Steph shrugged at him. "But I'd love to see you try. The girls imagined you'd both have to pull out your best work to try to do better than the other guy," she told him.

He gaped at her. "You've discussed this?" She nodded yes. "What was my best work?"

"As my mother stated this morning, it'd have to be your lizard tongue," she grinned.

"Your mother? Jesus," he laughed. "That's not right."

She shrugged back. "What about me? What was my best work?"

"Cupcake, you didn't have to do any work. I'm a guy. We're just happy if you're willing," he told her.

She snorted. "Now you tell me that," she teased. "So, guys don't require any extras to keep them interested?"

"Extras?"

She shrugged. "Like, I don't know, well, how do I keep Carlos from getting bored with me?"

Joe smiled at her. "You stop worrying about it. He'll never get bored."

"Never?"

He shrugged, "Nope, but if you're worried about it give him surprise blowies, like when he's working and stressed. That's always nice. Or maybe be naughty, like forget your panties under your dress or wear your shoes to bed. Oh, yeah, or just be spontaneous, get naked in the living room or the kitchen. He'll love that," he told her, with a faraway look of longing in his eyes.

"Uh, should I be having this talk with Miranda?" she asked.

He laughed. "She's been working doubles for the last couple weeks, office and ER shifts."

Stephanie rolled her eyes. Joe wasn't bored, the boys were lonely. But he did have some good ideas. She had done those things before the babies were born. There was no reason that she couldn't do them now. She could put them in their pack and plays or in their swings, and get some of that done. She supposed she just needed to get creative. Maybe Tank and Lula could babysit more often too. That would work.

"Thanks," she told him. "Those are good ideas." He winked back at her. "Maybe you could try the same stuff. Show up at her office for lunch, put that big bottle of lube to good use?"

He laughed. "Nice. So, should I be having that discussion with Carlos?" he teased.

She laughed back. There was no way Joe would walk away from that without a broken nose. "He's just been working weird hours and this trip was kind of weird," she told him. "We'll be fine."

"You just need some time together to recharge," he agreed. "Two babies can take a toll on a couple, at least I would imagine."

She nodded her agreement. Maybe they could do an overnight away from the babies, was that selfish to want? Joe saw the thoughts flying across her face and just smiled. She was going to crap when she found out Manoso's been spending all that time away from home putting together a surprise wedding for her, not to mention the surprise honeymoon he had planned. They'd be alright. Joe just needed to help keep her calm until the big reveal.

Maybe he'd take her for a little drive after lunch. The girls would have the decorations under control and the guys would have all the extras set up by the time he dropped her off. It was the least he could do to make sure she had the perfect wedding day. She deserved it.

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Carlos stepped into his backyard and smiled. It was perfect. The women managed to make the fake spider webs that were spread through the branches of the trees match the large gothic candelabras that were lighting the yard, by covering both in glittering spiders. The tables were covered in black cloths with silver spider webbing, then topped with black and silver place settings and brightly colored red, orange, and yellow flowers in low vases. There was an inconspicuous aisle down the center of the tables that led toward the gazebo they'd built over the summer in their flower garden. That too was covered in flowers, candles, and webbing.

"Dad, this is amazing," Julie sighed. "It's so romantically creepy."

"Does it look good, boss?" Manny asked, from where he was setting up a bar on the patio.

"It looks great," Carlos told him. "Thanks for doing this for me."

"No problem," he smiled back. "I'd do anything for Stephanie." Carlos felt like rolling his eyes, another admirer of course. "This is my brother, Miguel. Miguel, this is Mr. Manoso."

Miguel shook Carlos's hand, but his eyes kept drifting over to Julie. Carlos felt like growling. "How old are you Miguel?"

"Eighteen, sir. I'm a freshman at Princeton," he answered nervously. He felt a hit of power Carlos radiated and he was smart enough to be on guard against it.

Carlos smiled, eighteen wasn't so bad. "And what are you studying?"

"Business, sir," he answered again.

Carlos continued to smile. He wasn't a grown man fighting in a damn war, which made him a better match than the guy she was dating last year. The guy he had to pull some strings to have stationed in Germany, permanently. "Miguel, this is my daughter Julie. She's planning to attend Princeton next fall. Maybe you could tell her about it while I take care of some last minute things," Carlos suggested.

"Sure," Miguel answered, lighting up at the idea. "It's nice to meet you Julie."

Julie smiled back at him. "You too. Have you seen the house? I could show you around," she offered.

Carlos watched them walk off. He patted himself on the back, he wasn't a monster. He didn't mind her dating someone her own age. Plus, Miguel would have an eye, or two, on her so no weird, old perverts would hit on her. Yes, that was a win-win in Carlos's book. "If your brother tries to debauch my daughter in any way you're both getting shipped to a third world country," he told Manny happily.

Manny shook his head. "Dios," he muttered as he pulled out his phone to text that message to his brother. And with that the worry of Julie's virtue was off his hands and on Manny's.

"Batman, what are you doing home?" Lula called from inside the house.

"Just checking on your progress. You've done a great job," he told her. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," she told him. When he got close enough she pulled him in for a big hug. "I'm so happy for you. This will be perfect. Don't you worry."

"I won't," he told her. "Especially about the babies. I can't thank you and Tank enough for taking them, and Julie."

"Shit, I'd take those babies any day and Julie will be nothing but helpful with them. She promised me. So if you let Steph call home more than once a day to check on those honeys I'm going to be angry. You keep her happy, and occupied, and naked," she ordered.

"Perfect honeymoon plan," he grinned back and kissed her cheek. "Show me what you did in here."

"Well, Helen and Val got all the little snack table items finished up. The bakery set up the cake table over there, though I'm surprised that's what you ordered. And the caterers are starting to set up in the kitchen. They'll be ready for dinner service," she said happily.

"What's wrong with the cake?" he asked. Lula pointed to the table. A three tier black cake with silver webbing and colorful flowers, like he ordered, was surrounded by fifty cupcakes decorated similarly. Then on the outer edges of the table were cake plates piled high with cannoli and éclairs. Un-fucking-believable. "Fuck. Remind me to kick Morelli's ass for this one."

Lula laughed loudly. "That explains that."

"I should have known better when he said he'd take care of the sweets," he answered with another glare at the table.

Lula shook her head. "You got her costume? I'll lay it out and then you should get back to the apartment. Lester is having a rough day on baby duty," she told him with another laugh.

He nodded and turned to get the gown from the back of his car. He hoped the babies left Lester in one piece. He'd hate to be a groomsman short tonight.

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Lester was thinking the whole babysitting thing was easy, and fun. He had Ricky in a sling, hanging to his right side and Lily in the crook of his left arm. No one was crying, or wet, or hungry. This was pretty smooth.

"You look good with babies," Tank told him. "You should have a couple."

"Maybe I already do," he teased. "Not that they'd ever find me."

"Sure," Tank laughed. They may have joked a lot after Ranger had Julie, but none of them ever actually gave the women false names or went without every precaution to prevent such things. "So you got this? I need to run out to meet with Olsen on that install and Ella's picking up our costumes for tonight so she'll be out of the building for about an hour."

Lester waved Tank off. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," he told him. And he was until all hell broke loose.

Ricky started screaming, which pissed off Lily so she started screaming. Crap. He laid Lily on the floor so he could take Ricky out of his sling. Just as he was lifting the boy he vomited all over Lester's shirt. "Awe, crap, soldier, that's no way for a man to behave," he scolded him, to which Ricky continued to scream.

He looked down and Lily was gone. "Fuck," he stammered, running himself in circles looking for a spot a baby could hide. "Where the fuck did you go? Lily? Lily? Shit. I lost Ranger's kid. He's going to fucking kill me."

Of course now that she was missing, she was as quiet as a mouse. Not that he could hear a mouse over the screaming coming out of her brother's mouth anyway. Damn it. "Zero!"

The other man peeked into the room with a raised eyebrow. "What?"

"Take this," Lester said holding out the crying baby. "I lost the other one."

"You lost her?" Zero asked looking around the room.

"Just take this baby so I can find her," he growled impatiently.

"Fine, sure, I can do this," he said taking the baby from Lester. Ricky screamed even harder. "Shit, what do I do with him?"

"Walk him and bounce him," Lester said. He looked at Zero who started jumping around the room. "Jesus Christ, stop! You're going to shake him to death! Nice and easy."

Zero slowed the bounce with a grimace on his face. "I'm going to break Ranger's baby. He's going to fucking kill me," he muttered. "He's going to kill us both."

That's when Lester saw the little pink sock covered foot sticking out from behind the photocopier. Thank God. He ran over and scoop up Lily, who instantly got pissed off that she was found and started to scream, again. "Damn it," he grumbled. Now they were both screaming again. "Sweet Lily, you don't want to cry on Uncle Les, do you? Who's my sweet girl?" he cooed at her, but she didn't care.

"What's wrong with them?" Zero asked. "What did you do to them?"

"I didn't do anything," he complained. "They just started freaking out for no reason."

Just then Lily made a very unladylike noise from her diaper. Then he heard the rest of it, as it shot out of her diaper, dripped down her legs onto his shirt and arm, and oozed out the neck of her onesie into her little curls. "Holy shit," Zero said staring at the mess. "She shit in her own hair. I didn't know that was possible."

"Good God, what do I do with her now?" Lester asked.

Zero just stared in horror. "I don't know, man. That's sick. I'm never having kids. Ever. I'm getting snipped next week."

"I'll go with you," Lester agreed looking at the little girl. "Come on, shit monster. Let's clean you up."

Lily smiled at him and tried her best to put her hands in the mess. "I'm going to be sick," Zero warned him, as Ricky started to push and mess his pants. "If he oozes poop I'm dropping him."

"Dude, it's just baby poop. Grow a pair," Lester ordered, but Zero ran from the room, handed off the baby and vomited in the nearest trashcan. "Damn it, Zero. 0500 tomorrow, mats."

"You need help?" Albert asked. He was standing there holding Ricky quite naturally.

Damn it. Lester didn't want to ask for his help, but he looked like he was comfortable with a pooping baby at least. "Yeah, thanks. She messed herself. And me."

Albert made a face at the mushy poop all over Lester's shirt, "She vomit too?"

"Nope, that was Ricky," he warned him.

"You got a key to Ranger's old apartment?" That Lester did have. That's where the diaper bag was too.

The two men took the babies upstairs without another word. They never had much to say to one another. Albert hated the guy for porking his wife and Lester was ashamed that he did what he did with Val. He regretted that, a lot. He wished he could escape that shame, but he felt it whenever he saw Albert. Which thanks to Ranger was more often than he'd like.

Ranger hired Albert as his personal assistant. The guy wasn't bad with paperwork, plus he understood all the contracts that Ranger's lawyers sent over. Not only that, Ranger trained the guy and got him into a RangeMan fitness program. He lost a ton of weight, gained a ton of muscle, and put up a good fight one night after work. Lester had a sore jaw for a week. They hadn't spoken since then. Until today.

Albert looked around the apartment. It wasn't equipped for the babies. There was no changing table or bathtub. Just two pack and plays that were set up for them to nap in today. He'd have to get creative. He placed Ricky in his baby jail so he could help with Lily. Then he went to the bathroom and grabbed two towels. He spread them out on the counter of the breakfast bar. "Lay her down, but stay next to her so she doesn't roll off," he ordered Les. Les followed orders.

Albert grabbed the wipes and the trashcan. This was going to be a bad one. They peeled her onesie off and wiped up all the poop they could, though it was still in her hair. "There is no bathtub. We could try the sink or you could bring her in the shower with her, just keep her face out of the water," Albert suggested.

"What if she gets all wet and slippery and I drop her?" Lester asked.

"You won't drop her, besides you need a shower."

That was true enough. Lester finally agreed. He handed the baby to Albert. "Give me a minute to get undressed."

Albert glared at him, thinking that's exactly what he'd said to Val at one time or another. After Les was done taking care of his own needs he called Albert into the bathroom, took Lily, and stepped into the shower. He held her in the water, just enough to get her wet, then soaped her up with Ranger's shower gel since it was all they had in there. Then he rinsed her off.

"Fresh as a daisy," he told her. She smiled at him, apparently enjoying the water. "Your Uncle Les is pretty good in the shower, ain't he?" She cooed at him while he soaped himself with his free hand and rinsed off. At least they were both poop free for the moment. "You're pretty good in the shower yourself, baby." And she was, she was happy, and smiling, and her skin was a happy shade of pink again.

Lester wrapped them both in towels and carried her into the bedroom. He arranged her in the center of the big bed, while he dried off. She was happy to roll around naked in the center of that bed. "Just like your mama, aren't you?" Lester teased. Lily just gurgled happily. "Alright, little girl, let's get that booty covered."

He picked her up and returned to the living room, both still covered in their towels. Albert gave him a quick once over and looked back at Ricky. "I changed him and made his bottle. I put a fresh towel up there for you to change her on."

"Thanks," Lester mumbled, but went about drying, diapering, and dressing the baby. Then he warmed the breast milk like instructed and filled her bottle. "I appreciate this."

"They're my niece and nephew too," Albert answered. "Besides, you looked pathetic."

Lester agreed with a nod, but settled on the other end of the couch to feed his twin. The babies both fell asleep within minutes. Lester leaned back, relaxing himself. He earned it. All was good, he was dosing, and then Lily latched onto his nipple. "Shit," he yelled. He tried to pull her away but she had some really powerful suction. "Shit."

"Just put your finger in her mouth to pop the suction," Albert said.

"I can't get her to stop," Lester said panicking. "Shit."

Albert leaned over and stuck his finger into her mouth and popped her free of Lester's nipple. "How's your nipple?" he laughed. The thing was bright red and harder than hell.

"Sore," Lester bitched. "How the hell can Steph do that with both of them? Her nipples have to be killing her."

"Are you really talking about Steph's nipples?" Ranger asked from the doorway. "Why are you naked?"

Lester sighed, of course now he comes home. "Your boy barfed on me, your daughter shit on me, and in her hair." Ranger just looked at him curiously. "We showered together, Lily and me. We were all good until she tried to suck my nipple."

"You're never babysitting again," Ranger informed him.

"Thank fucking God," Lester agreed. "Albert's the one that should babysit. The man is a God, like a child whisperer or something."

"I'm just a dad," he said calmly. "You'll figure it out someday."

Lester looked down at the sweet little baby he was holding. "Yeah, someday."

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Stephanie pulled the costume out of the garment bag and stared at it. It was beautiful. A long ivory gown with silver woven into it. It had a beaded bodice that laced over her breasts, but was otherwise free of adornment. She was glad it was A-line, since she didn't have time to have it fitted. Plus there was a train in the back that extended from between the shoulder blades down to the floor, covering her wider than usual hip span.

To match there were white and silver silk slippers and a crown covered in pearls. It was beautiful and a perfect costume, since she knew if she was Princess Buttercup, then Carlos would be dressed like Westley or maybe The Dread Pirate Roberts. Oh yes, she could get behind these costumes.

She sprang into action, suddenly excited to go down to the party and find her true love. She curled her hair and carefully applied her make-up. She wasn't sure why it mattered, but she wanted to look perfect for Carlos. Tonight would mark a new start for them. No more moving their alone time to the back burner. She decided to make sure the spice stayed in their lives for the duration. She wanted nothing less than that.

She pulled on the dress and pinned the crown into her hair. She felt like a princess, like a bride. When she looked back into the mirror she saw him standing behind her in tight fitting black pants, knee high black boots, a billowing black shirt left open to show off his chest, and a big smile. "Babe."

"You made it back for me," she sighed taking in the sight of him.

"Hear this now. I will always come for you," he answered in a deep voice.

"Always? How can you be sure?" she asked, playing along with his movie quoting.

"This is true love…you think this happens every day?" He smiled at her and pulled her into his arms. "I missed you, Babe. I don't think I'm ever going to leave your side again."

"Mm, that sounds good to me," she sighed just before his lips touched hers. It was the kind of kiss that curled her toes and ruined her panties and she wanted more.

"Later, Babe," he assured her. "We have guests downstairs."

"We could cancel the party," she suggested. "And just stay here in bed."

"Not this time we can't," he told her. "Babe, I know we haven't talked about it, but I'd really like to marry you. Here tonight. If you'll have me?"

"Now?"

He nodded yes. "Everyone is here, ready to go. You're dressed for the occasion. There is a minister waiting," he told her.

"You're serious?" she questioned.

"Very," he told her before kissing her softly. "I want you to be my wife more than anything. I love you Steph."

"Yes," she said with a big smile. "Let's do it."

"Good answer, Babe." He turned and opened the door, revealing her friends all dressed in their pink Bridesmaids dresses. "I'll see you down there then?"

"Yes," she nodded and started tearing up again.

"Shit, no ugly crying. You'll ruin your face," Connie told her.

She watched Carlos close the door as she was surrounded by her friends. "Did you all know?" she asked.

"Yeah, we knew. So did the guys, but no one else knows," Lula told her.

"Here, I borrowed Grandma Mazur's pearl earrings," Val told her.

"And I got you a blue garter," Lula smiled happily.

"And this is old. You gave me this bracelet when we were thirteen," Mary Lou said producing a silver chain with a dangling heart on it.

"You still have that?" Stephanie asked.

"Of course I do. I love you," she answered.

"I love you too," Steph whimpered.

"Good thing I got us all hankies then. And they're new," Connie said producing the hankies.

"We're just missing one more thing," Lula said looking around.

"What?"

"Your other bridesmaid." Lula opened the door and there stood Julie with her tongue in Miguel's mouth. "Well, damn girl."

Julie jumped away from the boy and looked at the other women. "Oh."

"See you down there, Jules," Miguel said before practically running down the hall.

"You and the hot tamale, eh?" Mary Lou teased.

Julie's face turned bright red. "Don't tell my dad. He'll send him away to France or something."

"Julie, thank you for coming," Stephanie wept again. "I love you kiddo."

"I love you too, Mom," she said with a big smile.

"Oh, I'm finally your stepmom," Steph sobbed again. "And you're frenching college boys in the hall. Does that mean I have to do something about that?"

"Nah, I promise not to let him have carnal knowledge of me for at least a few more dates," Julie grinned, making Stephanie laugh. This was going to kill Carlos, but she'd worry about all that later.

They put the finishing touches on their hair and reapplied their makeup after more crying. Then it was time. She was going to be Mrs. Carlos Manoso.

At the bottom of the stairs, Mary Alice and Angie, dressed as Peter Pan and Wendy, stood holding the twins. Lily was wearing a Wonder Woman sleeper and Ricky was wearing a Batman sleeper. Of course, Dante was in Lenny's arms wearing a matching Robin sleeper. "Oh my God," Steph cried. "They're so cute."

Stephanie kissed all the little people, and Lenny too, before they made their way up the aisle to their seats at the table. Then Val's little girls walked down the aisle as flower girls, dressed as Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella. Next Julie walked down the aisle, met halfway by Lester. It continued, Connie and Bobby, Val and Albert, Mary Lou and Joe, and finally Lula and Tank.

Stephanie stood there nervously. This was really it. She was getting married. Then her dad appeared. "Hey Pumpkin," he smiled. "I'm going to give you away again."

"This time is forever, Dad," she told him.

"I know it is," he told her. She tucked her hand around his Popeye muscle and they started down the aisle together.

All the guys from the TPD were there dressed like various X-men. While the guys from RangeMan were all dressed like the Men in Black. Miranda was dressed like Janine from Ghostbusters, which matched the groomsmen. They were all Ghostbusters. Sally and his date Beth were dressed like The White Rabbit and the Red Queen which matched Hal and his fiancé Missy who were dressed as the Mad Hatter and Alice. Carlos's parents were even there, dressed like Morticia and Gomez Addams.

Carlos was right. These were all the people she'd want to share this event with. This was the perfect place and the perfect night. He knew what she wanted even when she didn't. That made him perfect in her eyes. And he really was, standing up on the gazebo watching her walk down the aisle to him. She was overwhelmed by the love she felt from everyone there.

Her dad kissed her cheek and handed her over to Carlos. She stepped up beside him and didn't want to wait. "I know the kiss comes at the end, but can we do it first?" she asked him.

He gave her his thousand watt grin and pulled her into his arms. "As you wish," he whispered just before his lips closed over hers.

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Lester spun Stephanie around the dance floor with a grimace on his face. "You think if they get married that makes us cousins or something?" he asked her.

She grimaced back. "Maybe, but wouldn't be weirder being related to Val?"

He shivered in disgust. "That shit just isn't right."

"Agreed, but they're happy," she told him.

"Ugh," they both yelled as they watched Grandpa Santos put his tongue in Grandma Mazur's ear. He was dressed as Austin Powers while Grandma was dressed as a Fem-Bot. Hence the laser bra.

"I think I just went blind," he complained as his granddad's hand went onto her ass.

"It's kind of romantic though," Steph said trying to keep an open mind.

"He nailed her on a beach some sixty years ago and they meet again. How is that romantic? I nailed a lot of women on beaches. I don't want to meet them again. Besides beaches are terrible places to have sex," Lester grumbled.

Steph just shrugged. "Oh, behave," she teased in her best Austin Powers voice.

"The women of your family are really doing a number on me," he complained. She gave him a dirty look. "What? Your sister, your grandma, even your daughter shit all over me today, literally."

"She pooped on you?" Steph snickered.

"She pooped up her back. I put her in the Wonder Woman sleeper because I figured she had to have some sort of super power if her crap can defy gravity like that," he grumbled.

Stephanie laughed. "That's why she smells like Bulgari?"

"Sure is. We showered together," he grinned.

"Lucky girl," Steph teased back.

He snorted in reply. "Plum girls, they never want me until they're married."

Stephanie rolled her eyes at him. "I love you, but you should go rescue your girlfriend from the Manosos," she said. "And thank you for babysitting today."

"You're welcome, Beautiful. And congratulations."

She nodded as she watched him walk away. Joe ducked in and wrapped his arms around her. "You get a cupcake yet? I ordered that dessert table just for you," he teased.

"You're lucky we've got an early flight or Carlos would be ready to kick your ass for that one," she informed him. "But, yes, the cupcakes were tasty."

"Very soft, and sweet," he agreed with a big grin. She slapped his arm. "I just wanted to congratulate you again before we go."

Stephanie smiled. "You still popping the question?"

He nodded yes as he looked over at Miranda. "Yeah."

"Good luck, Joe," she told him.

"You too, Cupcake." He pulled her in tight and hugged her until she couldn't breathe. "Love you."

"Love you too, but go and tell her that," Steph ordered.

Joe winked as he walked away. "Good. I thought I was going to have to kill him," Carlos said as he swept her back into the dance. "We did it, Babe."

She looked at Lula and Tank dancing, Connie and Bobby rocking with their baby, Val and Albert playing some sort of game at the table with their kids, and Mary Lou and Lenny making some sort of sexy looks at one another over the piece of cake he was feeding her. She looked up at Carlos and smiled. "Looks like we all did it."

He gave her his wolf grin and leaned in close. "Our moms have the babies and Julie is off with Miguel, how about we do it right now?"

"Upstairs, now," she agreed.

He lifted her off the ground and carried her into their house, "As you wish, Babe."

She laughed. "My mother is going to be traumatized by this," she warned.

"Nah, she already told me what a good boy I am and how glad she was that I married you," he told her. Stephanie just laughed. He didn't need to know about the throuple conversation. She'd just let him think her mom came around on her own.

He dropped her onto the bed and tossed her skirts out of the way. "No underpants?" he grinned.

"I was spicing things up," she answered.

"There's nothing like spicy plum pie," he grinned back at her.

"You need a new line, Manoso. I'm not Plum anymore," she grinned back.

"No you're not. And that's really fucking hot."

Her laughter died as his fingers settled between her legs and his lips moved over her neck. "I'm your wife, Carlos. All yours."

"That's been the plan for the last five Halloweens," he murmured against her skin.

She sighed as he pulled her bodice down and licked at her nipples. "I love a man with a plan…and a magic mouth."

"I have a lot of plans, Babe. The next two weeks will be a preview of what I plan to do with you for the rest of our lives."

As his mouth replaced his fingers she smiled to herself. She couldn't wait for him to share all his plans. They definitely wouldn't be boring. "I love you, Carlos."

"I love you too, Babe. Happy Halloween."


End file.
